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If Things Could Get Worse

Novel By: PinkFoxTails
Humor



If things can get worse they will. That law efftcs everyone, but not so much in the case of these two odd friends. Penn is a bard(musical magigican), with a perverted lust that knows no ends. The only problem is his blind, but that dosn't stop him from trying. While traveling he bumps into a kind hearted girl, but this is no ordinary woman. She was born with a demon soul, which is making things intresting forthe pair. Two friends that no one else wants, becuase when they're around things always get worse. View table of contents...


Chapters:

1 2 3

Submitted:Jan 29, 2013    Reads: 78    Comments: 2    Likes: 1   


Penn was out enjoying the late summer's breeze as they walked along the pathways of the village. He didn't know the name, and it seemed like a too busy of a place to ask. He assumed it was after noon, people were talking amongst themselves and the smell of fresh baked bread was no longer on the wind. Instead the smell of trash, and sewage assaulted his delicate nose. Fumbling around he manage to get his walking stick stuck in three holes since coming The cobblestone walkway was in need of repair, he could feel every nock and cranny were the motor and been eroded away. It made his feet hurt, and put him in a foul mood. The entire village seemed to be inhabited by the rudest of people, sulking as he attempted to find an Inn.

The town also seemed to be the home of some of the stupidest people he had ever heard. Waking around he heard them calling out to him and anyone else that had the unfortunate of walking past them. From the stalls they hollered, "Look at the finest clothes in miles" Fresh cuts, see how juicy they are" The last one he thought was hilarious. "Sir would you like some flowers, lovely flowers to give to your sweet heart" If the other stall vendors were idiots for calling out to a blind man, she was worse. Why would a man, unable to see a pretty woman, buy flowers for her. Penn had no idea what a pretty flower looked like so why would he buy from a vendor what could be weeds. It seemed ridiculous, trying to ignore their calls he hurried along. However it was doing him little good. Amongst the noises and rabble of the town's people he felt a headache coming on; he wondered if he should do something to lift his spirits.

Deciding to do just that, Penn sent his stick to work. It started out slight enough but he started to swing his stick in a wider radius then before. He was searching for something; the smell of her perfume was a dead giveaway. Homing in he found what he was looking for, touching ever so slightly was the ankle of the woman wearing the heavenly perfume. Carefully he made it look like he was lost as he lifted the skirt above her calf. He could feel with the end of his stick, like it was an extension of his own body the smooth texture of her skin. The small indent on her slender form was the back of her knee was. Trying not to drool he wondered if she would notice him going any higher. It was a daring thought, and it made his heart race as he attempted to raise the skirt just a little more when a very un lady like voice was heard.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing bub?" It was no doubt the miss's man, however Penn didn't panic. This had happened more times that he cared to remember. Looking like the man was jerking him back to reality he tried to make a face of shock. It was obviously something he had to practice and remember how to do. The next clincher was the voice. Sounding meek and timid, and faking sincerity in his voice. Penn did his best to act like this was a fortunate miss understanding.

"I'm sorry sir, are you speaking at me?" Swinging his head back and forth he assumed the role of blind and stupid. "Where are you?"

"What are you doing?" He asked, Penn could just imagine how odd the man must feel right now. On cue the woman picked up on the signs and like clockwork she got him out of his mess.

"Honey, look he's blind. It must have been a mistake." He could hear the sweet tones in the little bird's voice, and the grumbles as the man backed down. Suckers, Penn would have smiled if he knew they weren't looking.

"Alright, sorry about that man." He mumbled as the two of them walked away. Penn made sure to listen carefully to their footsteps. Feeling safe they had left him, he allowed himself a grin. What a town of idiots. Of course all the cities he had been too had fallen for that trick at least a dozen times. It never got old, only frustrating. As hard as he tried to imagine it he wondered what a young lady looked like.

He started to wander ounce again, trying to stay out of the way of the people walking. A few times he wished he could hit a few of them hard in the shin. Rude, yelling screaming like they were deaf. Bumping into him, shoving as they made their way past. While he was stuck in his thoughts, what does skin look like. He could tell you what some felt like, warm and smooth. What was color did a woman with different colored parts look better than others. He had been told that hair can be wild varieties but skin was one color over most of the body. Freckles had been described to him, but they were different then beauty marks somehow.

Day dreaming to himself he let his mind travel as his legs mindlessly kept walking. Content to dream and ponder, he didn't realize that the street people had stopped moving. Apparently down the way a person was in big trouble. Penn didn't know this however until a guard yelled at the top of his lungs. It was a raspy voice the shrilled a little as he called out.

"Stop!" Armor clanking as his metal clad feet tried to chase the person down the street. "Stop that thief!" he screamed to the on lookers, of course they didn't do a thing. They just stared and let the criminal pass them by, no one was going to chance getting hurt or worse. Running full, force through the crowd that had parted, giving the thief room to run. While trying to figure out what color would he prefer a girl to be, with no idea what color was. Penn had stopped in the middle of the street lost in thought. Before he knew a person had run full force into him.

The two of them collided with such force that they had fallen to the ground. A snort was heard as a third member rolled over the cobblestones. "Sorry Reggie are you okay?" The woman asked, the baby boar snorted in angry not happy about being dropped. Meanwhile, lying below her, smothered in her bosom Penn was losing oxygen. Not that he minded in the least, except for the dying part. Judging from stolen experiences she was a C-cup must likely.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." She screamed as she got off of him. Just in time too, the lights of the next life were starting to call him. "You were just standing there in the middle of the road." She got up and started to get to her feet when the guards sounded again. Everyone was looking at the pair, but no one yet had tried to stop them. Even with Penn lack of vision he could see that. However there was something his blind eyes could detect.

"We need to get to the side of the road quickly." He held out his hand but she didn't grab it, instead he felt the small little tusks of the boar pushing his back. He got up sorely, hearing the gauds running up to them. He grabbed her wrist and tried to lead her to one side.

"Where you are talking me, she asked as he worked off of memory. The stall that was selling the meat should be this way.

"Out of the way so the guards won't find you!" He yelled, he swung his stick back and forth to avoid running into danger. Hearing the clunk as the wood touched the solid building wall. The grains and rough edges of the bricks told him what it was. The drop in temperature assured him that this was alleyway and that they were in the shadow of the buildings on either side.

"Reggie!" She called; the little pig got up and scurried after its master. Hiding with them as the guards started to close in. "They're going to see me!" She whispered loudly. He could hear her little heart beating it her chest. Taking the initiative he slid around to the side facing the street. Back pointed toward the sound of the oncoming law. And carefully he pursed his lips and placed his hands around her waist. Shame she was a little shorter than himself. Though he had been told her was taller than most people. Leaning in for a kiss, he tried to line up their lips the best he could. This was it, the moment he had waited for.

Many times he had tired his tricks and feed his curiosity. Never had he been so close to a woman like this. He could feel his heart pounding, barely able to hear the guards cussing behind him. Sweat dripped into the palms of his hands, he had never kissed a girl before. True he had bumped accidently into them, and attempted to steal a friendly hug here and there. To actually hold on like this to touch her and to place his lips on hers it was un like anything he had ever done before. The guards were moving away now, they had lost their quarry. Meanwhile Penn was a hero to the lady in distress; he moved his chin down still trying to find her mouth when he felt pressure all around his neck.

"What do you think you are doing?" She asked angrily, her hand was clasped around his throat. He could feel his feet leaving the ground; somehow the little tart was lifting him straight up into the air. For the second time today he felt the call of the angels.

"I could ask you the same thing?" eh sputtered as the lights grew brighter. He cursed his fate; after all he was so close. "What are you doing in that body? "He asked, she was shocked to hear that from him. Dripping him on the ground, where he regained his breath curled up on his knees. The girl looked at him shocked, was it possible that he knew something. The boar stood ready at her side, grunting left and right.

"No hold on a sec," She told her pet which stopped but was still agitated. The little boar was ready to defend her, if the creep should try anything again.

"What do you mean, this is my body?' She asked watching him get up to his feet. She got a good look at his face for the first time, and saw the milky glaze over his eyes. The man was blind, which explained why he was standing in the middle of the street like an idiot. There was something else she noticed, the stick. It was ornamented with a winding snake that held its mouth open at the top. Normally the fixture would be holding a wizard's gem. She didn't like the looks of this, and took a step back.

"It might be your body soon, but not yet. Where is the human soul that ounce held this body, Lemure?" That clenched it he knew something, the girl felt her heart jump to her throat. Acting without thinking first, swinging her hand she tried to cold cock the man. Her only thought was sending his face flying into the brick wall.

However Penn was not as helpless as he looked. Raising the staff up to block he easily stopped her attack. "Also the pig seems to have a piece of your soul too, you should be careful he doesn't get out of control." eh let her hand slide down. The woman looked down at her animal confused. She had never heard of anything like that before. Penn started to walk toward the heat of the noon sun and out of the alleyway when he heard the girl call after him. She had picked up her pig, holding it close against her body.

"How do you know all of this, what else can you tells me?" She asked, the man turned around and smiled.

"Could you point me to the Inn, I'll tell you over a pint." he then started to walk off, but the girl followed. For some reason he couldn't hear her steps behind him, but she placed her oversized hand on his. Allowing her to lead, she made their way through the streets carefully on the lookout for the guards. She was on pins and needles the whole way, while the blind fool smiled like an idiot.

"For man sized hands, yours are amazingly soft." He commented, only to feel his tender hand being crushed in her palm. "Joke, it was a joke!" He squirmed, but eventually she let go. Penn made the mental note, not to bring up the big hands issue again. As if to chime in he heard the sound of a pig snort.

Finally the two of them made it to the Inn, where she asked for a table in the back. He could smell the alcohol and hear the lusty stories being told. It was like home to him somehow, it was hard to explain but true. The woman at the counter agreed to bring them some refreshments in a bit, though she had a strange look to her. The piglet in the girl's arms seemed out of place, but she got the idea not to ask. After all the man she had dragged with her looked half dead. Nodding she allowed the duo to walk to the back, where no one could hear them talking.

The young lady and pig where just glad that to have a table alone, there were so many questions she wanted to ask him. He took a seat facing her, while she got into the chair opposite of him. Setting little Reggie down on the table top where he sat very politely. She petted his head softly until he felt calm to her. She could see it in his little eyes; he was just as frightened as she was.

"So you called me something what was it again?" She asked, as the fool tilted his head. He shrugged his shoulders at her pretending not to know what she was talking about. "What does it mean?" She asked again get frustrated at him playing with her.

"First off I need your name, and the name of the smelly thing you put on the table." He pointed out, she was offended of course. No one talked to her little piglet like that.

"He is not smelly; His name is Reginald if you really want to know!" She raised her voice to him, which caused him to worry a little bit. "And how do you know I put him there, I thought you were blind unless that was all act too?" She was referring to the way he had tricked her into following him into the alley.

"Oh I'm dear, but that only applies to the physical world." He pointed out, hearing the footsteps of the bar maiden coming up behind him. He allowed the drinks to be put on the table without a single as her. Bar wenches where as quick with their fists and his new friend, and he had been told they were not always good looking either. "You might want to keep it down too, unless you want everyone to know?" He asked, the girl sat back in her chair pouting. This whole thing smelled rotten to her, but this was the first time she had met a wizard. If anyone could tell her what was happening, it was him.

"Arduinna" she answered him. "Arduinna Lamia Caprica" she said the last name with a twinge of regret.

"Arduinna huh, that's a funny name!" Penn said out loud, he could feel the tension building between them again but that was alright. "Why couldn't you have a simple name like Penn four letters or at least I think it's four?" He laughed, the girl was bending over the table ready to slap him again but he stopped her in her tracks, keeping her distracted for the moment.

"Of course I could always call you Ardun, I don't know what the letter count is for that but it doesn't sound as weird. He laughed, the girl was not happy he could hear it in the sound of her breathing, the heat of the air coming off of her lips.

"My name is not funny" She pointed out

"But you don't enjoy it do you, there is something about your name that doesn't sit well is there?" He was right, and the surprise of his insight again took her for a shock. She sat down and listened to the man ramble. "I could hear it in your voice; the last name is what bothers you and I know why. It belongs to a wealthy family in the south, however if that was truly the case you had have had body guards servants with you. I noticed the beer you got us is a cheap brand I can smell the pale barely used. And although you got us two cups, you aren't' planning on drinking yours are you. Underage perhaps?" He was right on all accounts; she was only underage by a year. Ardinuna had just celebrated her 17th birthday two months ago.

"Yes that is right I'm from the high house of Caprica or at least I was." She stated, thinking about her choices. "Could you maybe call me something else?" She asked, the name was well known in some areas, and she didn't want any trouble. Ardunnia had been kicked out of the house of Caprica and told never to return. It would be a problem if people could recognize her as easily as this man did.

"Sure, but what's wrong with Ardun. Maybe Ari, Dun, Dunny, Denny, Wendy, Fend, Fanny, Fanny pack. "He kept going on, like it was some big joke. She started to regret ever speaking with this man. Rubbing her head, she tried to think of something. Anything really to shut the man up his voice was starting to grate on her nerves.

"Lamia, I'll just call you by your middle name." He said softly, just when she thought her head was going to split in two. "Nobody knows your middle name, and as long as you don't go by your last name you should be fine. "He smiled, for a second she felt at ease. Lamia wasn't a bad name and she had always liked her middle name better than her first. It was more than that, the dim light of the Inn he seemed normal. Holding a pint of beer in one hand and smiling at her. The rough patches of hair almost seemed normal if you ignored the stands splitting off in every direction.

"Yeah, Lamia will work just fine." She tried to keep her mind in the game; this was man key information. Information that she needed badly, Lamia had to get it out of him at any cost. "So about what you said earlier, what does that mean?" She asked, waiting for the man to finish drinking his drink.

"First off I need to know something, what do you look like?" He asked, He seemed completely serious. Leaning over the table, Penn was trying to look like a detective. However he got the eyebrows and frown all wrong and instead looked like he was a confused fish out of water.

"Um, well I have long purple hair and I have light olive skin, and my eyes are purple too." She wondered why this was important; maybe it was something he said earlier. That the body was being affected, so he must want to know about that too. "You already know about the...Hands" Looking down at her wrists, she could see them swollen even in the dark atmosphere of the Inn. She had bandaged them up, but it still didn't help things much.

"No I need to know what you are wearing." He asked, if it was possible to keep going like this he might get something he could use.

"Oh, I'm wearing a cape with a hood, cloth boots and gloves and a plain black pants and shirt. Why do you ask does that have anything to do with this Lemure business?" She asked, maybe he knew the bandages were coming from her cape. It was progressively becoming shorter each time she needed new wraps for her hands and feet.

For Penn this was the clincher, he had her up until this point. Now he just had to pull this off, would she fall for it he didn't know. But nothing ventured nothing gained. "I need to know if you are wearing the holy protection outfit under the blank shirt and pants you have on?" he waited patiently; it seemed as if the drunken bar was silent waiting for an answer. Tapping his finger on the table to clear out the silence engulfing him.

"Huh, no I'm just wearing my white...." white what, what was white to a blind man. You can't feel white, but you can feel other things. Was it the panties, the bra, something un mentionable. Was it lacy or soft, did it have a texture design on it, wired perhaps? He was dying to know, his mind off into a million fantasies. He waited while the two of them stared at each other in silence. If Penn could see he would want to be blind. The death glare Lamia was giving off was scaring the other people in the room. Burly men easily twice her some tattoos covering their hairy arms backed away and went to the other side of the Inn.

"Penn" She asked, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible. Reggie knew when his master was upset and quickly hide under the table. Curling up against Penn's legs.

"What?" He asked, he was caught so eh expected her to yell at him. Maybe a slap against the check but she knew he was blind. Lamia was unaware that last time so she might go easy on him. Or she might grab his throat, knocking over the table and scarring her precious little boar. Lifting him clear off the floor again, yeah she could do something like that again. Obviously she was not a normal young lady.

"Excuse me, but what are you after?" She yelled, the smell of beer on the floor was pungent in his nose as he felt his body go limp again. Three times today what were the odds? The bar maidens where coming up to her now, unsure of what to do or even what was going on. "This has nothing to do with Lemures does it you perverted Bastard!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. The people in the room stopped the fearing their eyes had shifted. They were scarred for some reason. Lamia looked around and even the Bar maddens backed away. She heard the whispered tones she had something that many dare not speak out loud. Even in the back of the woods villages like this one.

Lamia brought her hand down; Reggie was hiding by her stool. Poor thing was just as scared as the rest of the people around them. What had she said, was it the fact that she had lifted the man off the floor. Like a fool she lifted her hands up, showing them the palms. The bandages mad they look suspicious, and those close by noticed something wrong. For some reason the hands didn't match the size of the arms like the belonged to someone else.

"I'm sorry about that everyone." She tried to smooth it over, but there were those in the crowd that didn't want her in their town anymore. A few large men stepped forward, making a circle around her.

"A lemure is known also as Evil Spirit you idiot. They can be noisiness and cause famine and curses, what is worse is when they take a physical form. The human soul is pushed out and made into a ghost, and the spirit eventually claims it as their own." Three of them closed on her, squeezing her against the hearth. The flames of the fire threatened to burn her if she go any closer but the men didn't look much better.

"I'm not a lemure or anything like that!" She yelled, panic in her voice. Sadly there was not much Penn could do or wanted to do. However he did owe her for the torture he had put her through. At least he could tell her what she wanted to know before they burned her at the stake or whatever they did her the kill evil beings.

"No you're not, a lemure that obtains and synchs fully with a human body it becomes a demon. A creature of our world with powers from the depths of the pits of Hell. Believe me that's ten times worse." he sighed, as the men rushed at her, it would be over soon. Shame she seemed like such a nice girl, pleasant smelling too.

Lamia saw him coming, screaming with outstretched hands. Moving again without thinking she uppercut him into he jaw, feeling the bone of his jaw and teeth splinter above her knuckles. Flying backwards, Penn heard the crash and sighed. She was going to be like that, why couldn't she just use a shadow ability or something and sneak off he wondered. A second thud, this one sounded like he had fallen forward and was now curling on the floor. There were some sounds of things and stone being hit. The third man was armed with a knife which he was trying to use to cut her open. She dodged him, in ways she didn't know she could. And when she got a hold of his outstretched hand she picked up his wrist. Somehow throwing him across the room, into several tables. They feel under his weight, and the crowd looked at the mess she had made in disbelief. Even Lamia was surprised; she had never been in a fight in her life. What was happening and why, looking at her hands she wanted to tear them off. It was their fault she just knew it, but there was no time for that. Guards had been called in to apprehend the girl in question. The very same ones she had ditched earlier. There was no way she was getting off the hook this time.

It was either run or be caught, tears flooding her vision she ran to the back of the Inn. Expecting to see a backdoor behind the counter, but there wasn't one. She was already moving too fast to stop herself and ended up slamming full force into the wall. It buckled and gave way. Soon she was out and facing the outskirts of the city. Lamia made a mad dash for the woods hopping to lose the guards within if they decided to follow her in.

Crashing in the front door of the Inn and several people who were gawking was two guards. Their armor was thick steel that made them sweat like pigs, dirt stuck to their faces so even with the faceplates up they looked filthy. The Bar maidens pointed to the back as Penn listened to what was going on. Grabbing his stick which for some reason had gained weight. Biting on to the end for dear life was the little runt that the girl had had with her. In the mad dash to get out before the men came she had left him here.

"What the Hell, there is no way I'm chasing after that one." he heard a man's voice calling, he no doubt had found out what Lamia had done to the back wall. Penn tried to shake the little creature off of the staff but it would not budge.

"You have too, she might be a demon!" The Bartender yelled, "Protect and serve" He reminded him. The guards sat down at the table taking off their helmets.

"Between 9 to 5, now we need a drink" The cock read 4:30, but the bar tender was not going to win this one. Giving up he started to pour them mugs and people started to come back into the room slowly. Penn was still having issues with the pig, and was getting nowhere.

"Reggie," he started and heard a snort. "You won't let go will you?" Two snorts that must mean a no because the piglet was still into the air. "You no going too unless I help you find your master right?" One snort. Penn thought over his options "Fuck you no!" he was about to drop kick the pork chop when he heard yelling again. Grabbing a hold of the things back, was easy enough but it still didn't want to let go of his staff. He lifted the boar up to his face even if he could see it. The staff was held in its mouth suspended in the air while Penn tried to reason with it. Holding Reggie up like a teddy bear the thing didn't seem right to him somehow but he didn't know what was wrong.

That's when out of nowhere he heard someone call out "Demon Pig!" Which didn't make any sense at all, until his arms and body came crashing to the floor. The staff was dropped on the floor, but Penn didn't want to chance letting go of the pig. What the hell was going on he wondered, but he could hear the guards unsheathing their swords which was really not a good sign.

"Out the same way, go to the back! "He yelled the thing put its hoofs to the wood floor and bolted. Running as swords swung in the air. Jumping over tables to avoid being made into bacon. Penn meanwhile hung on for dear life. The thing was a lot stronger then it seemed that was for sure. It pulled Penn along and eventually out the same hole. The guards went back to the table white as shoats. As was much of the bar.

"Shots, the strongest you got!" he asked, sitting down. The Bartender nodded pouring a glass of hard scotch, and drinking it himself before the guard could get a drop





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