-People who walk to the end of the table where the finished sandwich gets wrapped and they ask "Is this where we order?" (Hey dumbass, you just walked in the front door, walked pass the huge ass line, the big ass menu and the cash registers, to the finished sanwich pick up section and your asking me if thats where you order.) Pathetic. Like Da Vinci once said "OPEN YOUR EYES!"
-They order the sandwich and say they want everything that comes on it. They pay, they sit there and watch you make the sandwich, and when you are done and have it wrapped up they say "oh you know what, can I get that without mayonnaise?" or "Can I get that on different bread?" (Did your brain go into a state similiar to cardiac arrest while we were making the sandwich? Why did it take you 45 seconds to say "no mayonnaise please." ? Now I have to throw this bread away and some of the veggies because they are covered in mayo. Thanks a lot asshole. You just wasted my time and money.)
-It really amazes me when we have people ask us if we sell coffee , when our particular location happens to have a starbucks directly next door. (SICKENING. I've come to the conclusion that a lot of people wander around blindly, eyes and brain enveloped in stupidity.
-"It seriously costs extra to add... ?" (Uh.. its food bitch, food isn't free. I'm not some Dr.Suess character working in a donation warehouse, my heart isn't purple motha fuc*a.)
-Getting yelled at on the phone for them being out of our delivery area. ("Excuse me mam, I didn't draw out/ decide what our delivery area is. As a matter of fact, its your fault for being out of our zone. You see, you've surrounded yourself in an impenetrable wall of ugly and im way too attractive to be within 20 miles of you. Have a nice day ****face. and then hang up on them.)
-"The music is too loud can ya turn it down?! i cant even talk on
my cell phone!" (Good mother******, you should talk on your
phone outside anyways. nobody in this place wants to listen to
your ****ing phone conversation or listen to your stupidass
****ing ringer. Get the **** out.
-"Hey, I just thought I'd let you know that the sprinkler on the property on the other side of the street is broken and is leaking. You might wanna tell somebody." ("Thanks, sir, so much for that mother******* enlightment. Let me get my supermario suit and plumbing tools, whistle for Yoshi and hop on across the street to fix this broken sprinkler head that ISNT EVEN ON MY STORES MOTHER******* PROPERTY. Who do you think we are here? My job is to make fast sandwiches, not fixing broken pipes. Go fist yourself old man.")
-I wish I could greet a customer in this manner as he or she walked through the front door : "Good afternoon fuckwhore bitch. How may I help you?"
-It really bothers me when somebody reads the menu for 3 minutes straight in silence, walks up to register and says, " I'll take the #8.. that doesnt have onions on it does it?" (...."Um, if I'm not mistaken, I just watched you read the menu for at least 3 minutes with such a baffled and confused look on your face that a deer in the headlights would look wiser and more knowledgable than yourself. And now you are asking me if onions come on the sandwich? WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING WHILE YOU WERE STARING AT THE MENU? Fingering your peehole? Does it say "onion" next to the sandwich you ordered? Was that question necessary? Do you enjoy making yourself look like a stupid bitch in public? One night this middle aged woman (probly 40) walked in and failed miserably at life. I watched her brain melt pretty much. We greeted her kindly and awaited her order. She literally looked at the menu for 4 ****ing minutes and then asked me, "What are the bread choices?" I answered "8 inch french bread or square sliced wheat bread." She nodded and continued staring at the menu. About 1 minute later she put her hands to her face, covering it completely, shook her head, dropped her hands back to her sides, looked at me and my employee and said "I don't know what to get, I'm about to have a nervous breakdown." And she turned around and walked out of the store, not returning. (" My problem with this is the fact that a grown ass adult couldn't successfully order a sandwich off of a fast food menu. Giv me a ****ing break lady. How hard is it to order food off of a menu? There is a number, the name of the sandwich, and the meat/veggies that go on the sandwich. If you can't figure it out I pray you don't have children.")
-People that tell us how much better they like subway/quiznos/schlotsky's more than jimmy johns. ("Really dude? You like them better? That's neat, get the fuck out then. Why are you inside Jimmy John's talking about how much better Subway is.?" This scenario causes more mind-boggles than MIlton F***ing Bradley.)