Thursday August 13th 2009
Sometimes they tell me that those who are suicidal simply want to die. I am also aware that those who want to die often write of death vividly and frantically. Iam told it would be worthless for me to write without reading and that things must be re written. How morbidly sadistic for society to try to convince me of anything when it is fact the only person we care about is ourselves. We rarely think of others. Or maybe I'm just selfish. Huh, do you think Im selfish for admitting the vivid truth. I will claim to know you yet in truth I'm not you so why would I attempt to know.
Tonight I go against my personal believes to tell you I know what goes through the mind of a psycho. For I am that which I fear so certaintly. I want to screw my cousin and kill my mother and people will find this andI plead they turn me in.
For what convinces a person to have such vile malacious ideas. This is such maniacle thinking. What leads one to the conclusion that it is natural to have these urges. Are these questions truly to big for this world or are we just to petrified to seak the lunic validation of our dismay.
Freud would preach his anal and sexual prophecies. And the church would disown and put aside by blamiing the devil. But only the truly outcasted humans in this green blue abode will admit they are indecent.
Those who go crazy are on the search for that fullfilment of emptiness they will never detect. They are like me and search with no end for nothing. They forget and are not knowledged of everything they were given and become embelished in a pit of disgrace. Did I tell you what this pit contains. It may sound simialar to hell and ludricrous. I'm personally fascinated by ludicrous. Philip Zimbardo searches for the answer to what things cause people to do evil as their natural tendency.
He hopes to unravel this mystery with the scientific theory but he fails to live like i. I live for the pit.
The pit contains the cliqued items. Lust, Hate, Jealousy, Rage, Morbid Humor, and anything Society prooves through science to be a miss.
When you have never known to love you begin to loose emotional attachment to those significant others. You fail in every relationship. If your like me and blame yourself for your pitiful life than you become suicidal and use rage against your body to attempt to end your uselessness on earth.
Rage can do some much more shame when you blame everyone else for your pitiful life. If I were to continue life I could easily see myself blaming them and turning disgustingly to sex in a fit of rage to end my sadness. See, its much larger then those specific details which set you off but seemingly more simply and realistic. You begin to just see bodies. You forget that they are human. You forget your human. In an instant I deserve my life to be taken away because all I see is body. There's no love or personality. Just a sex drive in hope to get that simple gratitude of Fuck Yah. I'm sadistic. I scare myself I ain't afraid to admit the truth of my "unatural tendencies" to see a body on occasion just for sex. I'm attracted!
Jealousy, Jealousy is a murderers first idea maker. Jealousy makes it all seem right. Jealousy is the weapon and the perp in many cases of murder. Thats whats wrong with jealousy. Ihave to admit I'm jealous of whoever he is. Idon't know him and i could kill him if the right circumstances come around. Don't give me his name. Or number. I'll find him just fine.
See, hate is the evil pleaser. It fits in with list. Lust happens when your dissapointed with your failed life and you dont have the balls to bring yourself back up. You hate yourself, you hate others. You begin to hate so much you humor the pain you make others suffer.
Hitler must of had some of the same issues I had. I respect HItler. Hitler was an amazing leader. He killed like Icould have. A race of people. The stereo typed ones. There's a group I could set out to kill. Ijust havent profiled them yet. I'm not sure what they have in common with the rest. There to much of an individual to humor or hate. In fact, there a lot like someone I am really familiar with. Someone I befriend but yet am so sickened by. Perhaps its not human to point out but it's possibly me. Unfortunately for me Ihave the gonads to admit my fallacies. It is those who so obviously potrude there inherited gene to be incompetent that make life hell for all. Its outright outrageous that you oblivious minds frivoulesly fail to accept the fact your crazy and I am perfectly conventional.