Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…
I've found her, please let me keep her… Mel wished holding onto the feeling that overpowered all her senses. Please let my wish come true tonight. Closing her eyes, Mel's thoughts scattered as she felt the warmth of April's body press against her bare back, April's soft hands soothed across her shoulders and down her arms, taking hold of her wrists. April set a series of gentle kisses to the nape of Mel's neck and upper back. The warmth of April's breath sent a shiver up her spine, despite the cool air that surrounded her, Mel felt warmed by April's love a feeling she longed for since Trish.
Pulling herself from April's grasp with a sigh, her weakened voice broke through the silence, "I was just thinking about you."
"Oh Yeah?" April teased, tugging on the blanket that covered Mel. "Take that off."
Without hesitating, Mel let it fall from her to the balcony's floor.
"Say it," April pleaded softly. She wanted to take Mel right there, to make love to her, to taste her. Instead, she remained quiet, soaking in the feeling of desire. Her body ached, with the urge to give in to the sensation, plunged her into a whirlwind of emotions.
Mel tilted her head back as her fingers traveled up April's silky thigh, to the fold surrounding the moist center. Mel's body quivered with delight as her thoughts played with her. She wanted to feel more, but also wanted to take control. The battle to just let go and give in, grabbed hold of her.
"Say it." April said with a demanding voice.
"I love you," Mel said, as her hands encircled the soft area around April's breast. "I need you." Her voice trembled as the words escaped her lips. Her mind reeled with the thought. I love her, I really truly love her. She never thought she could give her heart to another. Since Trish's death, her heart had been closed to the idea of loving another.
"I love you too." April confessed, her voice barely audible, pressing her mouth against Mel's fingers as she spoke, vowing the statement, making Mel feel as if she had been reading her thoughts. "I need you too,"
Mel knew it was true. April could never lie to her. She had never been able to, but Mel's heart still felt uneasy, even though she believed April's words in their entirety, but she still had her doubts.
Mel did not want to ruin the moment, but the nagging feeling that she would get hurt over road her senses. "What about Samantha?" She questioned, tilting her head slightly to the left as she felt April tense, but opted not to point out something she was fully aware of. She knew April would leave Samantha one day, but when? She was tired of sneaking around. Even though she knows April's devotion to her, at times, her imagination ran wild. The thought of Samantha's arms around April drove her insane.
"You know I love you more," April declared playfully, breaking the silence.
She took April's hand, ceasing its movement and stroked her knuckles with her thumb "But you're still with her," Mel concluded perceptively, still having to share April's love with Sam.
"Not the same way," April reasoned. "I think I'll always love her in some way, but our love is different." April sighed knowing if she did not change the subject the night would be ruined and send them both to bed angry.
"Better?" Mel inquired lightly, needing the affirmation, in order to remain rational in her thinking.
"Mel, Honey, you love me in way's she never could, she really doesn't know how love is supposed to be, I love you!" she explained gently. "Our love is…it's the kind that hurts when you're happy, you know? I have your heart; she never truly had mine, and she knows it." April eyes trailed to the floor in front of her, letting out a deep breath. In one last attempt to salvage the evening, she locked eyes with Mel. "I went to her, I tried to tell her, but."
"But?" Mel interrupted. Tears started to sting her soft green eyes as she waited for an answer.
"She wouldn't let me finish." April said finally. "I'm so sorry." Her guilt manifesting as her voice trembled. "She treated me like a little girl." April sighed, throwing her hands in the air. "." Tears streamed down April's cheeks, she looked at Mel then dropped her head in defeat. "Mel, you have to understand what I go through each night. I make sure I am asleep when she comes to bed, and I am up and gone before she wakes up. It is you who is on my mind when I fall asleep, it is us I dream of, happy dreams, but when I wake, she's the one I see, and I hate it! I want to be with you every day! I Love you, Mel, you are my heart."
"I love you too. But, you have to understand April, she will never leave you, you'll have to be the one to leave." Mel whispered as tears streamed down her cheeks.
"I know, and I know how horrible this must be for you, but, Mel, despite how awful it sounds, I don't regret it," April admitted, tears falling from her eyes as she kissed Mel's sorrowful face. "I can't say all of it's been a mistake, I found my soul mate in you, because of her."
Mel turned toward April, as much as she wanted to run away and protect her heart, her feet held her in place. She could see the love in April's pleading eyes. Defeated and in need of comfort, Mel, wrapped her strong arms around April's trembling frame, and held her tight.
"I want to be with you." Mel began as April lifted her head. "But, I can't, not while you're still with her."
"No!" April cried, her body stiff with fear, her hands latching onto Mel's arms as if her life depended on it. "Don't leave me! Please, don't say goodbye! I need you Mel, I love you, hear me say it, I love you!" her voice cracked.
"April, Baby, calm down." Mel pleaded, concern filling her eyes as she pressed her lips against April's forehead. "I'm not leaving you. I don't want to lose you April. We just can't continue this way, it is killing both of us little by little.
"I know, I know." April repeated, dropping her gaze to the floor. "I just don't know what to do," she confessed. "Help me know what to do, Mel. Help us."
"Samantha has to know," Mel declared, cupping April's face in her hands, as she began to shake her head back and forth.
"I don't think I can," April wept. "Will you leave me? Will you leave me if I can't?" April questioned, her eyes wide with anxiety searching for an answer.
"I could never leave you," Mel promised. "But we are only prolonging the inevitable."
"Mel, I really believe Sam thinks she loves me," April stated.
"Exactly, she thinks she loves you, but the difference is; you know I love you."
"I know, and your right. My dance studio's falling apart because I can't focus." April gasped a frustrated breath. "I don't want to ruin your life, Mel. I couldn't live with myself if you felt the same way about me, as I feel about Sam."
"April, I could never feel that way about you." Mel added. "We just need to put an end to this madness."
"I agree," April interjected tearfully. "I tried to last night, I told her how I felt, and she said I was being silly. She totally disregarded what I was saying. She kept interrupting, saying we were good together, and added that being with me made her feel safe. What do you say to that?"
"Are you at all in love with her?" Mel concluded, questioning April's devotion, averting her gaze, finding a resting spot on the balcony floor.
"Not like that Mel," clasping Mel's chin, lifting her head to meet her gaze. "Not like that," she whispered. "I love her like, you would love a friend."
"I hate this April."
"I know baby."
"Then why are you letting this go on?"
"Guilt, maybe, because everybody told her that I was too old for her, and I convinced her, age didn't matter, and it really doesn't. Then I met you, and my world turned upside down."
"It's not age, April, its love," Mel argued.
"I know," April agreed. "She's been hurt so much in her life." April said shaking off the guilt.
"There is more to Sam than what you really know April," Mel admitted. "As my grandmother would say; you reap, what you sow, and she caused a majority of her own pain."
"Tell me so I understand, she does not tell me anything about her past other than people have hurt her?"
"There are things about Sam that you don't know, because she don't want anyone to know. She swore me to secrecy when she got with you, she begged me to never tell you." Mel gasped as the words spilled, and quickly turned her direction to the night sky, finding the one star she wished upon.
"I said I can't tell you."
"You can't start saying something like that, and then leave me hanging like this."
Mel looked down at April's pleading eyes, then back to the night sky. "Sam doesn't deserve you April," Mel confessed. "Let's put it like this, Sam may be hurt, angry, even upset with the two of us, but her life is her own doing, she has no one to blame but herself." Mel turned her gaze to meet April's for a brief second. "That's all I can tell you, please don't ask me to say more." Mel begged, taking April's hand into hers, kissing her softly on the cheek.
April's eyes questioned. "If you know something that will make this easier, just tell me." She begged searching her Mel's eyes for the truth.
Fixating her attention to the night sky, Mel exhaled a frustrated breath. "Samantha has just done things in the past that has caused so much pain to others. But, she deserves a chance to find love…real love. The kind that makes you hurt inside, true love."
"Urge… You are avoiding the question Mel." April raised her voice in frustration.
"Karma," Mel said, ignoring April's outburst. "Do you believe in Karma?"
"Well, um, yes." April struggled to answer, perplexed by the question.
"Then that's all I'll say to answer your question." Mel concluded, satisfied with her answer, or lack of.
April stood confused and drained by the whole conversation. She was defeated; Mel was not giving her any more information about Sam than she already had. She knew from the very beginning that Mel would never talk about Sam's personal life. That was a bond that even she could not break. They were friends after all.
Looking at the star Mel was fixated on, April wished upon it for all the truth to come out. April just wished for a simple solution. Each morning when she wakes up, she looks to see Sam's still frame asleep, anger and frustration fills her and the urge to just pack and run consumes her every thought. She knows she needs to just leave, but not sure on how to go about it. Does she tell her the truth and ruin a long term friendship, or does she just leave and tell Sam she is not happy and put all the blame on herself? The star above was offering no answers.
April turned her attention to Mel leaning on the balcony. "What ever it is you're not telling me about Sam, there's one thing I know for sure, it will destroy her, to find out that I betrayed her with you." April whispered breaking the silence. "Samantha, will hate you." April added desperately staring into Mel's eyes.
"Like it kills me when I think about you being with her," Mel interjected somberly. "I can't live the rest of my life in the shadows; I can't hide from my best friend. I love you! And if you love me April, you'll find the strength to break it off! I don't want to hurt her anymore than you do, but if we are going to make it, we need to put this nightmare behind us. I want to show the world how much I love you. I want to one day make you my wife."
"I know baby," April whispered her understanding, as she wrapped her arms around Mel's middle, leading her backwards to the bed. "I love you Mel, and I will do anything to be with you," she promised while sliding slowly on top of Mel, straggling slow and gentle kisses over her belly up over the soft cream colored mounds. "I want to be your wife more than anything one day too." April confessed as Mel slowly stripped April of the only article of clothing she wore. The form fitted beige night shirt flew to the floor, leaving April's body completely exposed.
"You're so beautiful," Mel whispered, her gaze memorizing every curve of April's body, rejoicing as she did their first time. But her concentration melted away when April's lips fell to her neck, quickly finding the pulse point, and sucking on it softly.
"Make love to me," April pleaded breathlessly.
Mel's hands gliding over April's soft skin, finding the warmth of her center, leaving April's body yearning for more. Mel's mouth captured April's in a passionate kiss, as she turned her over, and lowered herself on the bed next to her. Sliding her tongue into April's parted lips. April let out a moan of protest when Mel pulled away, but quickly gasped, when she felt Mel's fingers enter her center, plunging softly.
"Oh God, don't stop." April moaned.
"I am not stopping baby, this is only the beginning." Mel teased running her tongue across April's left nipple. Mel's excitement built as April's hands tugged gently at her shoulders, pleading for her to move lower in her journey. Obliging her willing partner, Mel kissed down April's stomach, and dipped the tip of her tongue into her belly button, taking ample time, to play with the piercing that greeted her.
"Please," April begged as Mel's tongue found her inner thighs, and slowly pushed her legs apart. She lifted her eyes and took in the sight of her one true love. She would do anything to satisfy her, take care of her and yes, sacrifice her friendship with Sam for her.
"Please baby, don't stop." April moaned. Obliging, Mel moved her tongue rhythmically over April's pulsating center. April's back arched away from the bed, and she bit back on her bottom lip, before choking out a strangled gasp. Mel continued to tease April, only pulling away, when she felt her stiffen, and with expertise, Mel stoked her center as she suckled lightly over April's now swollen bloom.
"God," April panted. "Why'd you stop?" .
Mel deposited herself on top of April, settling between her legs, before pressing another urgent kiss to April's slightly parted lips.
"I want us to be together," Mel whispered as she pulled away and brushed her damp hair from her forehead. "I love you April Marie, I love you with every ounce of my being." She sighed. "You leave me breathless the way you smile, the way you laugh, the simple things you do, and the things you don't say when you look into my eyes. You are my heart, and in my heart, there is only the two of us. I want to make love to you until we finally become one." Mel explained holding April with such force, it took her breath away.
Mel cupped April's chin softly penetrating her eyes with a lovingly stare.
"I am going to make love to you," she continued. "I want to feel you. I want us to come as one." Mel said separating the folds that surround soft pink skin of her and April's clit, and connected the two of them together. "Can you feel me?" Mel questioned breathlessly.
"Yes, oh yes."
"Tell me what you want?"
"Oh, Mel…" April sighed in content, as she moved in a rhythmic motion.
Mel felt as if the air had been forced out her lungs, as she held her weight on her arms looking down into April's eyes. She felt her stiffen as her body convulsed with pleasure. "I love you April," Mel muttered, moving faster over April's vulnerable spot. "Oh God April," her eyes closed as her hips met each thrust, April's legs locking around her waist.
"Open your eyes," April pleaded as she ran her fingers through Mel's ever dampening curls. "Don't stop Mel," she cried out. Mel's eyes met April's in a heated gaze.
"I won't…" Mel moaned as she took in the sight of April biting back on her bottom lip. "…you're so beautiful Baby. It feels so good…God, can't stop." They both knew it would be short lived, as April matched Mel's thrusts as her hands traveled down Mel's spine to her bottom, her hands griping Mel's cheeks and setting the pace.
Their lips met as April's backside began to arch away from the bed, meeting every one of Mel's thrusts as they grew stronger. Soon she was chanting Mel's name. April's body trembled, as fluid contracted bursting from within her, sending a shiver throughout Mel's body.
Sweat dripped down Mel's face as she moaned in absolute pleasure. "Tell me," she pleaded, as her arms slowly turned to jelly beneath her, the weight of her body getting harder to support. "I'm so close… Say it, April."
"I love you."
Mel cried out April's name as her body gave way to climax, juices flowed covering April's already wet center.
"I love you," April repeated over and over again, watching as Mel tossed her head back in ecstasy. "My God…Mel," April's body stiffened at the sight of her. Her entire world fading away, every bit of it except Mel, whose thrusts had grown more urgent, as she'd reached her peak causing the feeling of her walls compressing as Mel screamed her name.
April's body collapsed against the bed just as Mel's arms finally gave out, skin against skin. April watched as Mel basked in the aftermath of their love making.
"That was…" Mel trailed off, unable to find the words, as she guided April's face into the crook of her neck. Her hot breath against her damp skin made Mel's heart jump, "oh baby, wow," Mel sighed, drawing invisible pictures on April's right shoulder with the tip her finger, as she slowly regained her strength. Just as she was about to pull off of her and roll to one side, April set a shaky hand on her lower back.
"Just stay," April pleaded tearfully, holding Mel in place.
Mel pulled away from her and looked down into her eyes, concern filled her own instantly. "You're shaking," she observed. "Baby, what is it?" Mel inquired cupping April's face in her left hand.
"Just that, it, just…it felt like something you do when saying goodbye," April admitted quietly.
"No," Mel argued adamantly. "Never!"
"Tell me you'll love me forever," April asked just as Mel pressed a tender kiss to her lips. "Say, 'April, I'll love you forever'."
"April," Mel spoke softly. "I'll love you for eternity." She let out a calmed breath closing her eyes.
"I love you so much," April whispered. "So much that it hurts. Someone planned this Mel, this is right. I felt it from the first time I looked into your eyes."
"Me too," Mel agreed, welcoming April into her embrace once more. Closing her eyes,
Mel let out a comforted breath, and spoke silently to whoever was listening.
'My wish is coming true.'
The first night had happened so many months ago, nearly twelve to be exact, and now as they stood in Mel's shower, wrapped up in each other's arms, sharing soft kisses, and even softer caresses. Neither April nor Mel could explain how they had come to that point. Their first night together had been urgent, full of the sexual tension that had built up between them finally finding an outlet. They were together several times that evening, the last time being the most attentive and beautiful. They made love, something April hadn't experienced in a long while. Mel had paid attention to every part of her, dedicated all of her energy, taking her to places she'd never known existed, let alone ever been. Of course there was guilt but it had not succeeded in stopping Mel and April. They kept coming back to one another, knowing they would find comfort in the others touches and kisses. Four months passed when Mel confessed her love in the midst of passion, and much to Mel's surprise, she'd meant it with her whole heart. Imagine her astonishment when April said it back…and meant it as well. There was no use stopping this affair, Mel and April needed to be together. It was no longer passion driving their lovemaking; feelings and emotions were deeply rooted in their kisses, which drove their need to please one another.
Mel's was in love with April's. She loved everything about her, and as their relationship developed April shared more of her hopes and dreams, Mel was drawn in by the inner beauty. April was beautiful not only on the outside, with her clear complexion, perfectly shaped lips, beautiful white teeth, hourglass figure, Mel was drawn in by the inner beauty. Her heart was pure. April gave so much, but asked for very little in return.
Time passed quickly as each day collided into another. Creating more memories, more love. The time spent together, far surpassed any casual relationship Mel has had. As amazing, as the love making was, it was never the most important part of their relationship. Mel knew from the first moment in April's company that their future would hold amazing things.
Never-the-less, there was doubt and shame. How could there not be? April was, after all, not the most single person in the world. She'd been dating Samantha only six months when she'd started seeing Mel. Inside she'd always thought Samantha would come to her senses and realize she really did not want her, but she hadn't, and knowing that kept April from coming clean with her. How could she break Samantha's heart that badly? She'd never meant to betray her in such a horrible way, especially not with her best friend. But, she could not help the fact that every night she spent with Samantha her heart seemed to scream for Mel. She was torn…
Mel was not only Samantha's partner at the firm, but her best friend, and she had never, ever, meant to fall in love with her girlfriend. She would defend that right down to the ground, if she had to. But it did not keep her from feeling guilty.
Mel knew more about Samantha than anyone else. She held Sam's hand through the roughest part of her life. The court hearing that would determine if she would be convicted of involuntary man-slaughter, and the guilt that followed. As much as Mel wanted to tell April about Sam's past, she kept silent. Sam swore Mel to secrecy, and no matter how Mel fought the instinct to tell her lover the truth, her moral code kept her silent.
Mel could not get that day out of her mind. She was supposed to go with Sam and Karen for a drive in the country, but refused. She told Karen she did not want to be a third wheel. But the truth was, Mel did not want to go because Sam had been drinking since the time she woke up, and when Mel explained her disproval, Sam only laughed, turning her back, snorting another line of cocaine that was laid out on the breakfast bar from the night before. Mel turned in disgust, and refused to go, saying she had prior arrangements. Within a few hours, her fears became a reality. The cell phone rang, Sam on the other end asking her if she had five thousand dollars to bail her out of jail.
Reluctantly Mel got the money, and went down to the court house to bail Sam out. While waiting to pay the clerk, she listened as two officers discussed a gruesome story of a woman being burnt alive earlier that day, as the result of a head-on collision with a semi-truck. At first Mel had no idea they were talking about Karen, until one officer mentioned Sam's name. The charges were reckless driving while under the influence, and vehicular man-slaughter. Mel was horrified, angry and sobbed uncontrollably.
Hours passed as Mel watched people walk in and out of the court house. Sam had yet to be processed and the longer Mel waited, the angrier Mel became. It still did not seem real, she had just talked to Karen that morning, and she was laughing and telling Mel a story of when her and her younger sister would go into the country and get lost. Then laughed and said. They really did not get lost, but lost track of time. She explained how much she loved it, the silence and the wonderful music the wind, bugs and birds would make. She explained she had not been in years and it was like pulling teeth to convince Sam to go. Mel wanted to tell her that she did not think it was a good idea since Sam hadn't slept all night and was still partying, but, she kept silent. Mel wished she had, but Karen was so excited and she didn't want to ruin it for her. But now, Mel blames herself, she could have agreed to go and force Sam to be a passenger.
The door to the courthouse opened again, Mel did not turn around this time to see who was leaving. So when Sam stepped closer to Mel still frame seated on the bottom stoop she did not even realize she was there. Sam plopped down next to her. Afraid to talk when she saw the grief stricken look on Mel's face. "I killed her Mel." Sam confessed breaking the silence.
"What the hell were you thinking Sam?" Mel's voice cracked, still looking forward, avoiding eye contact with Sam.
"I don't know, we were having a good time, and then…" The tears rolled down her cheeks. She explained she was leaning out the window drinking beer, and joining in the song. Then out of nowhere, the truck appeared, cliff edge to her right, and the hill walls to her left, she could not escape the oncoming truck. She honked her horn, but it kept coming at them. Karen was screaming, but she couldn't swerve without going over the cliff. Then all was silent as Sam was thrown from the car. When she came to the car was an inferno, the fire showed a mocking face, she could see Karen's hand reaching out the window, and watched as is sunk back in. The silhouette of flames protruding from the window, she watched the front window melt before her eyes. Sam explained reached out to grasp the door handle. The hot metal seared her hand. Mustering her resistance, she grasped it again. The flesh on her hand sizzled as she pulled the door wide, dumping Karen on the cold ground, but she was too late, Karen was dead.
She explained and cried out. The sound her voice made was haunting enough that Sam did a double take when she realized that it had come from her. "It was like it was happening to someone else. Like a bad dream that I could not wake up from." Sam's eyes were glazed, staring off towards the mist of the night sky, the mixture of makeup under her eyes, made them appear sunken, as the liquid brimming on her eyelids spilled over.
Sam argued that Karen's death was an accident. "If you would have listened to me, Karen would still be alive." Mel said, and then looked away in disgust. "You're a fucken asshole Sam. You have no regard for anyone else's life but your own!" Mel snarled and walked away.
Months had passed before a court hearing date was set. Sam was acquitted of the vehicular man-slaughter charges since the driver of the truck was negligent since he had fallen asleep behind the wheel. Mel believed that Sam was just as responsible, and if she was not drinking, she could have reacted and maybe prevented the accident or possibly got her and Karen out of the car in time before the collision. Instead the only ramifications the state sought on Sam was for driving under the influence, and that only carried a two years of probation.
When the verdict from the judge was passed down, Mel thought she was hearing things. Probation, is that it? Mel questioned under her breath, she thought she was hearing things. Mel knew Sam needed to be taught a lesson if she was ever going to learn. She took a life because of her reckless behavior. As a result, Karen's life was cut short. Mel swore she would never allow Sam to hurt anyone she cared about again.
Mel knew her behavior with April this evening stemmed from a discussion she'd had with Sam earlier. 'Mel,' Sam said, 'I Think I am ready to dedicate everything to her.' Mel knew what Sam really meant. I want to give her my entire life as long as I can still live my life the way I do now. And that scared Mel, the memory of Karen's death still fresh in her mind. The confession had shocked Mel, to say the very least, and when Sam had asked if she'd understood; she could do nothing but nod. You see, Mel felt the exact same way about April. But had it had been her who made the statement, Mel would have changed only one word of it. Instead of 'I think I am ready to give her my entire life' she would have said: I need to give her my entire life. And it was true. To Mel, giving herself to April could only mean one thing…The difference between simply existing in a world of nothing special and truly living in a world of something amazing.