"I guess this first entry will be filled with firsts. So I might as well leave it all on this page. A few years later, when I was 17, he came to me with such a sad expression I almost cried as he entered my mind. He just sat and watched me, no attempts to pull me to him, not a word left his lips. He just stared at me with such longing mixed with what I now know to be his seething anger. The room he built for us in his mind had changed, from just a sitting room with his chair, to a room with a roaring fire and a fur rug and a large four-poster bed. The bed was hung with deep red velvet curtains that appeared heavy and luxurious. I ran my fingers along the velvet duvet covers, the sensation so soft against my fingers, my pale skin seeming to glow against the dark red. The sensation created a heat deep within my body that I knew would be only slightly sated when he finally fed from me that evening.
He moved to the chair, a deep exhale escaping his lips. He leaned his head back slightly, closing his eyes as if caught in a silent battle of wills. I could feel his unease, his inner turmoil, as it braided in with his hunger, creating a tidal wave of new feelings for me. I felt panic, a frantic compulsion to submit to desires, to fullfil his need; or was it my own desires I wanted satisfied? To this day I am not sure.
I crossed to him standing before him, my head bowed.
'Undress' he said. I looked up, unsure if I heard him correctly.
'Undress' he growled as if any delay on my part would drain his courage. The battle once again raging behind his eyes; I could see it even in the dark. With shaking fingers I loosened my gown and let it drop to the floor. His eyes following me, 'I know you have been waiting for this' he said quietly, 'I know what you do when you think I can not see'.
I can still feel the heat flowing thru my body when I realized what he was referring to.
I had begun to explore my body, learning to find my own release as I learned to carress my sex and explore my sex. I would lie in the dark of my room, sliding my hands across my body, touching my breasts, experimenting in the various sensations, letting my desire build and build. I would running just a finger up my neck where he would feed, and if the bite was still fresh, I would push ever so slightly feeling the pressure exploding in bursts of pleasure across my skin. Leaving one hand to keep up the sweet onslaught I would use the other hand to begin the slow circles around my clit. Find my button and teasing it mercilessly fantasizing his hands were my own. Until I would arch and contract in waves of orgasm. This little ritual my secret garden before I would enter my dream world to be with the man who I would envision hovering over me and I would dream him smiling and contracting with me, my newly found release washing over us in a wave of pleasure.
Here I stood before him, heat creeping across my face and body, burning me from the inside out. I stifled a sob, holding in tears, when I felt him behind me, his hands traveling along my arms, caressing me, calming my violent shaking. He began to caress my hair with such a loving touch I relaxed resting my back to his muscular chest. A fire ripped thru me, a new feeling that I instinctively understand was a mixture of his projected feelings twisted up with my desires. The fear and shame that had me crying just a second before gave way as my breath increased and my legs became wet with anticipation of his touch. In a second his gentle caress changed as he knotted my hair in his grip and pulled back, a shock of pain running thru me at the violent move.
'You belong to me!' he growled, 'Say it'.
'I belong to you,' I whispered at his command, my fear and my trembling returning. This was not what I had expected from my gentle companion.
'How is it that you always manage to force me into something I am trying so hard to avoid? Mmmm,' he snarled into my ear. 'You should understand, I am not some romantic figure from one of your epic novels? It would serve you better to remember I am more the dark creature from your worst nightmare.'
He gripped my hair tighter with the last sentence, pulling my head violently so he could whisper the venomous words in my other ear. I fisted my hands, my body tensing, my eyelids shut tight, realizing he wanted me afraid. I should have begged for mercy, fell to my knees and pleaded for him to forgive me, but I could feel him, his needs, his love, and my heart told me his words were not a reflection of his true feelings. Why was he trying to scare me? Why did I get the feeling he wanted me to break free of him, demand he leave? Regardless of his threats, I would not break from him. I forced a deep sigh, relaxed every muscle in my body, and whispered,
'There is no nightmare worse then a life without you. I should feel imprisoned by these dreams when in fact I crave them when I am awake, forced to wait, wait for the minutes to slip away closer to the night. I prey as I close my eyes I will find you waiting for me here. I will continue my prayer and be content when it is answered. I don't care if it is you, a vision of romance, or a dark nightmare. I love you, I crave you, and I will learn to love and to find peace with the creature you claim I should fear. Do I want you to love me, make love to me? Yes, with all my soul, yes! I crave your touch every moment of every day. There are times when I am awake and I swear I can feel your breath on me, your hands on me to the point I think I will go mad. If that means that I have to submit to your anger, to the creature inside you in order to actually have you touching me, kissing me, fucking me, then I will surrender to this beast.'
I felt his grip soften slightly and I turned to face him, bringing my hand to his faced, running my finger down his cheek and across his lips, 'Don't you see, it is your pleasure that drives me? I will survive anything if it means I can feel your release, your hunger lift and subside. You are correct that I am yours, and as yours I wish only to bring you pleasure.' I searched his eyes for understanding, praying I had broken thru his reserves.
'This is not the way it is suppose to be. I should have left you years ago.' He said, his tender caress running down my back. ' I had never meant to let this carry on. When I had the strength, I should have let you be, but damn you, I can't. Thoughts of you rarely leave me. You are my heart, Lisbeth, do you not see that?' he questioned me.
'As you are mine, my love.' I answered, slipping my hand around his head, I pushed him towards me I kissed him deeply, and unlike that night when he rejected my kiss, this night he accepted my advances. A lightning strike ran thru my skin when his tongue parted my lips, invading my mouth, staking a claim.
'Is this what you have wanted, what you hoped?'
'Yes,' I moaned back. He lowered his kisses, his mouth making a path for my breasts. His hands slowly working their way down my back as he kissed the top of each shoulder. He reached his arm around, one nail sliding down the center of my back, causing me to arch into his touch. He released my bra, freeing my breasts. My nipples sprang into hard nubs as he ran a touch so soft it felt like a cool breeze rather than a man's strong hands.
I gasped as he took my nipple in his mouth with a deep hard pull of his mouth a wave of heat running straight to somewhere inside. His other hand holding the weight of the opposite breast in his palm, his thumb gently guiding back and forth across the tip in time to the pulls from his mouth. I felt I was doomed to fall, just holding on as the my legs attempted to give out.
He lifted me quickly in time his mouth descending on my other breast, the rush and sinking feeling hitting me at once. My head flew back, my hair sweeping over his arm and just whisping on the floor as he lifted me. 'Sweet mother,' I panted.
He lowered me to the rug to lie beneath him, reaching out to run his hand along my face as if he was trying to memorize this moment in his mind. I reached up and ran my hands under his shirt, feeling his cold skin against my hands. I moved my hands to his back, pulling him into me, I started kissing him softly with closed lips, enjoying the taste of him, pausing to pull him free of his shirt. Once he was bare chested, I smiled at him, admiring his body, running my finger down his chest, bringing my head up to suck on his nipples, teasing them as he had my own a moment before. I remember his gasp of excitement and his pull on my body, as I ran my tongue along his sternum, takinghis chin into my mouth for small nip, and then invading his mouth and running my tongue along the inside of his lip, exploring him completely.
He ran his finger down my throat. My body reacted with learned response, breaking away from his kiss and arching back, preparing for his bite. A new wave of wetness burst between my legs, I kept rocking my hips to try and gain some friction, panting in anticipation for his mouth on my neck.
'tsk, tsk,' he whispered with a smile, bending down to give a soft kiss at the top of chest, using his tongue to leave a trail of burning heat between my breasts. His mouth and hands renewed their slow torment of my restless body. Just above the nipple he took in a mouthful of skin, sucking in deeply, a sensation that should have been painful but I moaned. My body rocked by an ache, a need for him to pull harder on my skin, to draw out his fangs. I arched my back driving him deeper, a jagged moan escaping both our lips. He was surprised by my reaction, perhaps at his own, spurring him on. He turned to the next breast and repeated the same motions, sounds came from deep within me, moans being produced in a voice I had never heard before. I moved with him, joining in this erotic dance of fire running along our skin. I would have lived in that moment for eternity had we been able. Oblivious to everything but his kisses and his touch, it was not until he pulled away to remove his pants that I realized I was completely naked before him. My thighs quivered as he parted my legs. I looked into his eyes as he entwined his fingers with mine, 'Are you sure this is what you want?'
'Yes, please,' I panted, 'please, I need to feel you, I want you, I want this.' I pleaded quietly. He entered me slowly, I felt the muscles restrict a painful feeling ripping thru me. He kissed me gently, pushing in further and futher, each time a new feeling of being slowly ripped apart ran thru me like a wildfire. I tensed, scared, embarrassed, where was that heat, that passion, the pleasure from only a moment ago?
"Shhh, little bird, let it flow thru you," He whispered in my ear, 'Almost there my sweet,' and he drove himself fully into me. A deep growl came from his lips, it came from somewhere so deep within him, I could feel the vibration of it on my skin. Once fully inside of me he stopped moving, allowing my body to adjust to the his girth, his lips gently kissing, his hands never leaving mine.
'Your doing fine my love, it will be over soon.' His hands left mine to brush away the tears, 'it won't always be this way.'
He pulled back slowly, my sex burning with his slow withdrawl, with a new thrust he filled me again. I clamped my eyes shut trying to will away the feelings running thru me. 'Look at me' he whispered, kissing my neck. I looked up into his green eyes that burned like fire. My body reacting on it's own in response to his eyes, I relaxed and opened again to him, trying to draw his love from that moment wanting it to nurish me as I had nourished him.
My eyes opened wide and his smile grew as I realized he had moved his hand to my clit, a strong electricity running thru me as he began making slow circles with his thumb on my sensitive button, 'I want to see you cum, virgin or not, I will see you lose your self to me.' he demanded with such passion; I was overcome practically by his words alone.
My body began moving driving my hips to match his strokes, a feral sound growing from somewhere inside of me. If I think hard enough, I can still feel that first orgasm growing inside me, that first night of fullness. His fangs extracted as I felt him grow stiffer inside me. Without prompting I arched my neck inviting him. As he bit into my neck, my world shattered, ripples of pleasure rocking thru me as he took longs draws of blood.
As we lay by the fire, my head resting on his chest, my fingers for the first time caressing his bare skin, he pulled my chin up and said, 'Promise me, you will never think of a anyone else. Swear to me now, no man will have you.' I should have been happy at his request but my heart sank when his earlier words returned to me, 'I know what you do when you think I can not see.'
He did not plan this night out of passion but jealousy.
As I had many a night, I had aroused my self, touched, caressed, pinched, fingered myself to a climax, but on this night when I closed my eyes I had envisioned the face of another. The handsome face of a boy from school who had smiled at me and made me feel pretty, made me as I think a normal girl should. This was the first night I had put aside the face and fantasy of my dark dream lover.
I realize now as I write this, was the moment I truly sold my soul to him when I replied, 'I swear it will only and always be you. I am yours and yours alone.'
Gideon took a deep drink from his crystal glass, resting his head back, trying to clear away the image of the girl he had seen in the pub, her long pale legs wrapped around him. He could see those crystal blue eyes, the look of pain, trust, and passion and interchanging as she arched and writhed below his weight. The shape of her lips as she moaned when brought to the edge and pushed over.
Gideon had been with virgins before, their blood being particularly satisfying, but being their first was never something he enjoyed. Their nervousness, their shame, rarely matched their original willingness to surrender. He could tell from her journal that Lisbeth would have been different. Her love for this man had become all encompassing for her, her surrender would have been so delicious. To have someone as passionate as Lisbeth, so willing to submit only to him, the things he would have done to make her cum again and again
He could not deny his own need any longer, closing the book, he picked up his keys and left, wanting only to hunt for his dinner and his pleasure, not necessarily in that order.