Zombies have occured in folklore throughout the ages. The first record of zombies occured in Ancient Rome on the banks of the Tiber river. A young 11 year old Danny DiVito was tending to his childrens' cuts and scrapes by pouring the water of the Tiber onto their wounds, when out of the water came a zombie. The zombie had half of a head. The top half was chopped off and the brain was exposed. Maggots infested the brain and were feasting on the tissue of the temporal lobes. DiVito was enraged and super pissed about the zombie so he ordered his children to return to the familys' villa. The children ran and did as their father said. Danny DiVito stayed behind to fight the zombie. DiVito carried a "dagger" with him at all times and was prepared to fight the maggot infested zombie beast. He pulled out his golden dagger (aka his penis) and lunged at the zombie. The zombie grunted, fell back, away from the dagger, and wet himself. DiVito, appalled at the lack of honor the zombie had, yelled, you are no Roman! You flee from my golden genitals! He then proceeded to lunge again, stabbing the zombie in the brain with his "gold dagger". The zombie growled viciuosly with the angst of a thousand girls on their period. The zombie then picked up a sharp edged rock from the river bottom and jabbed at DiVito. At first, he missed, but on the third attempt he hit DiVito's foot. As we all know Danny DiVito had one weakness: his foot! DiVito staggered backwards in intense, sheer agony. "Ouch." He cried. The zombie grunted apathetically as DiVito stumbled backwards, falling onto his penis. Danny DiVito died that day. His last words were "ET TU ZOMBIE?"
Mary Katarina had grown up hearing these stories, about zombies and werewolves. She never actually expected to encounter one though. As she sauntered down the cobblestone street her breast fell out of the top of her blouse and corset. A drunk homeless man with leprosy crawling down the street made eye contact with Katarina's breast and cried, "I am saved! I see the light of God!" Katarina embarassingly giggled and slipped her large, bulbous, fat sack, milk filled breasts back into her blouse corset top. She really thought she should go to Victoria's Secret and invest in a DD bra, but her family was poor, her mother had AIDS, and she couldn't afford to buy a newfangled type bra. The old drunk homeless man with leprosy stood up. His leprosy was healed! He chased after Katarina and when he reached her, he grasped the fat milk sacks. "You have saved me he cried!" Speaking into her hairy nipples. She said, "Sir no problem!" He replied, "I wasn't talking to you bitch! I was talking to your gahungas over here." She backed away, downtrodden. She was always getting this. People were grateful of her breasts but not her. I am so sick of these giant boobies! I want to make them go away. She decided to visit the local apothecary which housed the local physician. He had recieved his degree on the streets by performing amature surgeries on various animals. He made a cat poop tiny lizard poops. He made a clam walk on land by attaching two kitten legs. He even had made a bird not fly by cutting off the wings. He gave those wings to himself and claimed he could fly. (Although no one had actually seen him fly.)
Katarina pulled open the door of the apothecary. "Hello?" She called out. "Hello Katarina's boobies. Hello Katarina." The old doctor replied in a low raspy tone. "Hello doctor. I am here to inquire about an operation." "An operation?" the doctor replied. "Yes. An oper-fucking-ation you dumb ass old man." The doctor sassily replied, "Don't you beez gettin fresh with me hoe. I iz da one wiff da knives and dese here dem surgical skillz." "Alright, alright," she responded, "I want my boobies cut off." The doctor did the operation replacing Katarina's breasts with two squirrel fetuses.
During the operation, what Katarine did not expect was that the smell of blood and breast tissue coming from the operation would attract a werewolf. It was nighttime when Katarina left the apothecary and the physician. She opened the front door of the apothecary only to find a werewolf standing directly in front of her. He looked like half man half wolf. He had the head of a giant wolf with the eyes of a sex offender man. His body was grey like the color of a wolf's coat and he had rippling muscles and a six pack of abs. Black fur grew out of the sides of his body. His feet were clawed paws. He had the penis of a human male except it was grey. He looked like a wolf man nudist. Obviously though werewolves don't have the motor skills to put on clothes, nor could they transition into being a wolf wearing their human clothes. The clothes wouldn't fit! So, this werewolf, like all other werewolves, was nude and extremely hairy with a giant penis and ball sack.
Katarina was taken aback by the nude werewolf. She was also extremely turned on. His penis was huge! Katarina moved her hand towards the werewolf's ballsack and fondeled the sperm container. Inside she could only imagine the dna floating around: half wolf half sex kitten man. She jumped on top of the werewolf and forced his penis into her steaming wet vagina. He howled with great delight. This was not what the werewolf had in mind for tonight, but he was definitely not opposed to making more werewolf babies. Katarina growled in order to show the werewolf that she could be a werewolf too. The werewolf smiled and said, "Awoooooooo!!!! I have AIDS."
"What!? Shit!? You're a werewolf! You can't get AIDS!" Katarina screamed, pulling his giant wearwolf penis out of her tight, lubed up vag. "Yes Katarina. I can get AIDS. MUAHAHAHAHAHA." The werewolf snickered. He then promptly got down on all fours and ran like a wolf into the distant forest. The old man doctor came out of the apothecary with a shotgun, shooting after the werewolf. "Silver bullets," he said to Katarina. Katarina replied, "The werewolf gave me HIV." "I know he did sweetheart. I know he did. He's been comin round here, flashing young girls with his big werewolf penis and the like. Giving them AIDS. Then he scampers off into the woods before I can get a good shot at him. Once he's in the woods there's no catchin' the nasty fucker. He feasts on the men in this village. Eats their organs, especially likes the intestines filled with fecal matter and the like." The old man was excited talking about the werewolf problem. His ball sack gently poured out of his trousers. He gave her a hug, bushing his ball sack on her legs. "See you doctor," Katarina said, "Thank you for the wonderful operation."
On her way home Katarina gazed at her new chest with delight. This night one good thing had happened. Her breasts were gone, replaced with the squirrel fetuses. One bad thing had also happened. She had most likely contracted HIV from a well hung werewolf.
As she approached the little cottage she and her mother called home, she heard a rustling sound from underneath a nearby bush. It was the bush where she and her mother had placed the chopped up, leftover remains of the Nazi. Most of his brain and testicles were used to make soup for Katarina and her mother. They also loved to bring the soup to nearby orphanages. They called it mystery soup. The children loved it. The bush rustled. All of a sudden Katarina saw a hand poking through the soil and then running across the ground towards her. The hand used its fingers as legs. The middle finger would probably be the hand's penis if we were trying to make the hand anatomically like a human body. Then up came a leg and an arm, and a toe, and a nose. All of these body parts began forming togeter to create one hideous mass of body parts inching towards Katarina. She screamed and began running. The squirrel fetuses that had replaced her tits jiggled and hurt her a little. Her skirt flew up revealing her tight pussy. The mass of body parts continued after her and she ran into her house. Once again barring the door of the house to keep out the monstrous intruders.
When Katarina finally rested from the eventful evening her AIDS ridden devil-look-alike mother jolted up and growled in a low monotonus tone: I sense the AIDS in this house and someone has it besides me. Katarina gulped.