There was this girl at Youth Group.
Let's call her "Belle".
Was i in love with her?
Oh, you bet.
Well, more in lust, actually. If i'm totally honest with myself.
I liked her as a person, i enjoyed her companionship, i entertained her without an agenda, all of that. The way a friend should.
But did i want to see her naked? Fuck her long and hard?
Oh, you bet.
We would go camping, the Youth Group, and i would see her, hot and steaming, wrapped hard in a towel, coming back with the other girls from the girls' shower block.
You can imagine.
I think i spent just about every Youth Group meeting with a half-mongrel throbbing in my pants, pre-ejaculate weeping from its hot, eager eye.
What was i to do?
I found a picture of a girl who looked just like her, in one of the magazines under my dad's bed. The girl in the picture was taller, thinner, and had crooked teeth, but i beat off to the photos of her cavorting in gumboots with some sheep as enthusiastically as if they were pictures of Belle herself.
When i'd cum, as the hormones drained out of me and soaked into the toilet paper, i felt immediately guilty. Belle was my friend, i'd reason, having shed the testosterone from my system for the time being. How could i do that to a friend?
But then the testosterone would build up, and i'd do it all again.
Onetime, we had to go camping in two-man tents. It was a hike and all, so we didn't have the big tents. Somehow i managed to organise it so that i was in a tent with Belle.
Turned out, it was pretty awkward.
I think she knew how i felt about her. But, then, she was a gorgeous girl; every male she knew felt that way about her.
I knew for a fact (that is, i had wild, jealous miseries) that she'd fucked this other guy in Youth Group. In the boys' showers, i'd seen him naked, this guy, and his cock was all misshapen and weird, like someone had been moulding it from clay and lost their patience and squished it all into a lump. It annoyed the shit out of me that he'd stuck that misshapen cock of his into my Belle.
But there was nothing i could do about it.
The night we slept in the two-man, Belle and me, i had slowly moved in my sleeping bag, edging closer and closer to hers, until i was able, over the space of maybe half an hour, to slowly push my erect and urgent penis up against the soft, warm spot in her sleeping bag where her soft, warm bum would be.
Of course, we were separated by the thickness of those sleeping bags, but it was still pretty intense.
I'm pretty sure it was more intense for me, though, on account of how she didn't wake up.
So i simmered in a wet-tipped-cock hell of longing for Belle, all through Youth Group. I didn't have the guts to try to be her boyfriend (translation: to ask her for a fuck), on account of how i did like to just talk to her. She was sweet and funny and charming, and i didn't want to lose that, should the fuck request thing not work out.
To try to distract myself from the urge to be inside her, i kept thinking about how i felt at that testosterone-drained moment while my cum was soaking into the toilet paper, the magazine girl with the gumboots and sheep blissfully oblivious to my emissions.
It didn't help.
One day, the Youth Group leader, a cranky old shit with a fat wife and a rusty 4WD, blew his top at us all over the way we'd left the Youth Group Hall untidy after a particularly resource-intensive bit of sport. So, after he'd told us off for ten straight minutes, we had to all walk around in a huge sulk, picking crap up off the floor.
Belle was just in front of me, and she bent down to pick some crap up, and i saw right down her top.
Right down her top.
She wasn't wearing a bra.
Her nipple was quite different to the ones on the girl in the magazine, the girl with the gumboots and the sheep.
I felt that i had betrayed her, seeing her tit like that. Even though it was an accident.
And i could hardly confess to her what i had seen.
What could i do?
By way of making my peace with her, i stopped masturbating to the pictures of the gumboot and sheep girl in my father's magazine.
She had the wrong nipples anyway.