Legend tells of the great Queen Arthuria who pulled, tugged, and yanked the great wizard Merlin's long sword out of his rocksproclaiming her as the firstfemale monarch of England. Uniting all the neighboring borders into one huge kingdom, which she aptly named Cameltoe, she created the historical Knights of the Oblong Table. She originally requested it to be round but it was on back order from Spain. One such famed knight of the organization was the gallant Madame Lanceolina who bravely slew the monstrous Kentucky Fried Chicken of Colonel Sanderssaving the town of Hollyweird so it could forever be immortalized by doctored photosboth on the internet andtabloid magazines. This is her story…
Madame Lanceolina read the letter that came from a damsel of distress pleading to be rescued from high atop her castle in the kingdom of Band-Aid. Apparently, her mother Queen Leodicraprio was forcing her into an arranged marriage with the lecherous villain BaronTiger Woods whowanted to add her to harem of concubines. The poorprincessrequried assistance from a brave hero tosaveher from herpredicament. It had been a long time since Lanceolina rescued a fair maiden. Usually her comrades, the male Knights of the Oblong Table, got all the glory for saving innocent ladies before sweet talking them out of their chastity belts. It was a typical guy thing around Cameltoe. The man saves the virtuousgirl. The girl is grateful.She rewards her rescuer by agreeing to do the horizontal mambo with him. Lanceolina was just not into that. Well she did experiment with women back in knight school but found it wasn't her thing. As for the Knights of the Oblong Table, the organization had been a male dominated professionreeking of testosterone, male chauvinism and dirty socks. How was a girl supposed to compete with that?
Queen Arthuria did not help matters either. With the exception of Lanceolina, she slept with nearly the entire male knights of her court. The monarch suffered from sexual addiction. Instead of seeking out help for her problem, shemade frequent visits to the free clinic. Her vagina hadits own zip code. What was a female knight to do under these circumstances? Simple. Prove to everyone that a woman is capable of doing the same thing a man can do. She would do it by rescuing Lady Guinevar.
Racing across the forest on her trusty steed, she finally found Castle Band-Aid.After parking her horse in the handicapped section, she ranacross the courtyard tostorm the castle. Surprisingly no guards were in sight while she snuck up the stairs where Lady Lanceolina wasbeing kept. Unlocking the wooden door of her room, Lanceolina called out for the troubled maiden.
"Lady Guinevar!" shouted Lanceolina. "It is I! Knight errant for Queen Arthuria! The Knight of the Oblong Table! Lanceolina!"
A high pitch sound came from behind a changing screen. "Oh brave knight! You came to rescue me from my infernal prison. My hero!" The maiden rushed out from behind the screen to reveal herself as Lanceolina's eyes adjusted to the sight. Lady
Guinevar wore a blonde wig, heavy
make-up, and low cut white dress. Despite embodying the image of
an innocent maiden, the person stepping in front ofher had broad
shoulders, a hairy chest, stubble on the face, and furry legs. In
addition, there was no concealing huge swordtucked between those
legs that laid exposed through the sheer fabric. "What is it
courageous knight? Has my vision of loveliness enraptured
"You're a dude!" exclaimed Lanceolina.
"Well you're no prize catch either buddy," Lady Guinevar's voice suddenly changed from a soprano to a deep alto. "You're one to talk. You're not fooling anyone with those huge melons on your chest beneath that chainmail!"
Sadly Lady…er Lord Guinevar's words hit right to the point. Lanceolina cut her hair short to resemble a male knight but she could not conceal her ample assets in the cleavage department when she wore her uniform. No wonder the other male knights kept staring at herenormousknockerswhen they talked to her. She silent cursed her mother, a tavern wench, for genetically gifting her with massive mammaries.
"Well don't just stand there brave knight, you're here to rescue me!" Guinevar pointed out. "Let's hit the road Jack before my mother Queen Leodicraprio catches us!"
Before she could protest, Lanceolina stopped short as a group of guards rushed into the room with Queen Leodicraprio in tow. "Not so fast son! Madame Lanceolina, I'm so glad you're here to rescue my son…er daughter Guinevar."
Lanceolina drew her sword. "If it is battle you wish for, I warn you I'm a skilled swordswoman."
"Chill out okay!" Queen Leodicraprio clucked. "Look if you must know. I made up the whole story about marrying Guinevar off to the villainous Lord Tiger Woods. He has enough sluts to deal with along with a couple paternity suits.My true intentions were to drag you here so you can rescue Guinevar and then make him…er her as your bride…or groom!"
"What? I am to be used as chattel in an arrange marriage to this…this knight?" gasped Guinevar. "Mother you can't!"
"Oh hush Guinevar," ordered Queen Leodicraprio. "It's time that you marry as my heir to the kingdom of Band-Aid and take over the reigns of rulership." She sighed as she continued. "Perhaps, it is my fault. I coddled you too much as child because I wanted to have a little girlso Idressed you up in frilly frocks and hair ribbons. Maybethat influenced your penchant for cross dressing. I don't know but I loved you enough to accept you as you are. Personally having a gay son would have been the icing on the cakebut no you had to be straight…"
"Sorry to interrupt," said Lanceolina. "No offense, your ladyship but how do you know Ginevar isn't homosexual? I mean look what he's…er she's wearing."
"On the contrary my dear Lanceolina," answered Queen Leodicraprio. "A mother knows. Besides I've caught him a couple times stroking his shaft while spying on the chambermaids during their bath times. Also, he keeps a stash of Playknights underneath his mattress along with a box of silk kerchiefs and a pot of candle wax. I don't want to think what my son does with that."
"Mother that is so obscene," snorted Guinevar. "I am lady and won't be talked about in that fashion."
"Are you sure he's…I mean she's not gay? Not there's anything wrong with that," Lanceolina politely commented. "Guinevar has too much of a swish to be into women."
"No dear he prefers women. It's this fetish for transvestitism that turns off any potential birde. What woman would want a man who dresses up in women's clothes?" Queen Leodicraprio stared at Lanceolina. "That is why I did a background check on you. You're the youngest daughter of ten brothers and have a thing for wearing men's clothes even though you're not a lesbian. You and my son…er daughter are perfect together! So I say you two consummate the relationship and we will have a marriage ceremony downstairs when you're through."
"Do I get a dowry and your kingdom if I become Guinevar's spouse?" she asked.
"Mother you can't!" protested Guinevar clutching his/her chest.
"Oh hush Guin!" snapped the queen. "I'm doing this for your own good. How else are you going to get laid? Of course you get my kingdom dear. As long as I get some grandchildren outof the deal. It's about time I retire to Jamaica and sleep with a dozen of young Rastafarian bucks anyway!"
"Done," responded Lanceolina.
"Wonderful! Now go forth and breed." Queen Leodicraprio ordered her guards to follow her as the door to Guinevar's chamber locked from the outside.
"Now where were we?" Lanceolina grinned.
"Don't you dare touch me!" Guinevar protested. Lanceolina grabbed his arm as she dragged him into the bed. "Unhand me you brute! I'm a lady! Chaste and pure! I won't be manhandled by the likes of you!"
"We'll see about that," Lanceolina growled as she planted several long kisses across his lips. She pinned his wrists against the bed post as Guinevar struggled to free himself. However, she proved to be quicker than him by straddling his abdomen sliding her tongue into his mouth. Guinevar squirmed at the invasion but quickly his senses submitted as her moist tongue teased his own mouth and teeth.
She tore the top of his gown free exposing the hair on his chest as her hands stroked the curls across his massive chest feeling each groove and indentation of his body which caused his own flaccid cock to slowly rise. Lanceolina bent her head down to catch each nipple flicking his round nub with her tongue as she sucked, bit, and nipped each sensitive areola causing him to moan in protest at his responding body. Giggling at his helplessness, she quickly stripped off her shirt and chain mail to exhibit her huge breasts to Guinevar which his body gladly reciprocated his feelings with a straining erection underneath his womanly gown. Lanceolina dragged his strong hands to her funbags as his hands fumbled, rotated, and flexed each vein in his wrist as he squeezed their roundness in his hands.
"Don't just play them with! Suck it!" She orderedlowering her chest to his face as he began suckling each pink nipple into his mouth. She moaned in pleasured as his tongue worked each sensitive point as each strand of Guinevar's wig hair tickled her naked breasts. "Now let's see what is hiding underneath that dress of yours!"
"No…please…I'm a lady…a virginal maiden…" begged Guinevar.
Lanceolina ignored his cries slipping the skirt of his gown to his stomachwhile yankingoff his undergarments. Observing his prick standing at full attention, she gave the shaft a playful push with her fingers as it vibrated slightly in front of her. "My what a big boy you are!" She made this clear while lowering her head to receive him with her lips parted to wet his impressive cock with her mouth and tongue as it disappeared down her throat.
"No wait…I…I…ooooooh." Guinevar said nothing more as Lanceolina's mouth teased his bulging prick. He felt hot breath of her tongue massage the tip of his head before she inhaled him once more. He groaned in response to her hands massaging his undercarriage finally finding that secret opening of his back end and prodding it with a dampening finger.
Guinevar's hips bucked as he felt his private
opening being violated by her single digit. "Stop…please…that is
inappropriate! You can't put your finger there!" The pleasure of
her finger entering and withdrawing had been too much for him.
"Never mind! Put your finger there!"
She did as he pleased before releasing her finger from his sacred spot. "Now for the real consummation! Remember Guinevar, I like to be on top!" With rough hands, Lanceolina spread apart his thighs as her fingers teased the long hairs of his legs making him fully vulnerable to her. She quickly discarded her breeches, tossed them aside, and positioned herself on top of him as his legs involuntarily wrapped around her waist. Finding the opening of her feminine folds, she forced his hard prick inside her.
"Noooo…please…I'm a virgin," he kept insisting as his hard prick met her moist warmth.
"Shut up bitch and enjoy the ride!" She told him. Her hips drove him and she moaned as he slowly began to submit to the pleasure of the friction. "You're a virgin no longer. Now let me fuck you!"
Guinevar held on to Lanceolina has she pumped her hips into him. Her bare bottom rose and fell and it rode his hard shaft faster and faster. Guinevar's head banged against the headboard making his wig crooked as his voice suddenly met his moan and groan with Lanceolina. "Oooooohhh…oooohhhhhh. Lanceolina…I love…you!"
"I love…fucking you too," answered Lanceolina as she continued to grind her hips into him.
Guinevar could no longer contain himself as he released his seed into her and in turn she did the same with her womanly juices. He began to say something but Lanceolina stopped him with a slew of kisses as they held one another in the tangled sheets. Still holding his composure as a lady, Guinevar readjusted his wig before saying something.
"So I suppose this means we're getting married," he admitted to her.
"Looks like we are," Lanceolina agreed. She propped herself on one elbow. "There are a few ground rules though that you have to follow Guinevar. First of all, I'm the man of the family and I always wear the pants. I expect a clean house, food on the table, you taking care of the kids and I want to spend time with my poker knight buddies from the kingdom of Cameltoe! Do you think you handle that?"
"On one condition," Guinevar pointed out. "Do I still get to wear beautiful dresses, be able to get my hair done, have an unlimited line of credit, and get to have plenty of sex with you?"
"I can't see why not," smiled Lanceolina.
"Then it's a match made in heaven," chuckled Guinevar. "Now dear wife…er husband. Why don't you show me what real man…I mean woman can do!"
And Lanceolina did.
So the marriage of Lanceolina and Guinevar took place each
pledgingtheireverlasting love to one another as Lanceolina became
the new queen…er king of Band-Aid. Queen Leodicraprio stepped
down from her position as monarchretiring to Jamaica where she
sleeps with Rastafarian bucks, two at a time. Many wars were
fought in England in the name of Cameltoe until a scandalous
paparazzi shot of the nymphomaniac Queen Arthuriain bedwith her
half brother Morgan Le Faye forced her to step down from her
reign as monarch. Thisleft room for future male kings to take
over the thronebeheading their future wives in the process. As
for Lanceolina and Guinevar, they had ten children together. Five
girls and five boys to be exact. The girls became well respected
knights while the boys became foppish celebrity designers whose
clothes now grace red carpet events and Paris runways. And yes,
they're all straight!
So ends the tale, thus far
Of the great love between
The cross-dressing duo
Of Lanceolina and Guinevar!