You say "I love you." I say "I love you too." You creep into my heart and take over my soul. You love me… don't you? Stop. This isn't the way it went.
The soft playing music becomes louder with the turn of the volume knob. My hand falls slowly down to my side. I can feel your eyes on my body. I can tell they are focusing on me and not staring through me… for once. I look at your eyes and I can tell you are weak. Your knees are shaking and your foot is thumping along with the music, but you are carrying the wrong beat. These little nothings show me how nervous you really are. I start to walk over to you. I feel I could just trip over my own foot… placed four inches higher than normal. I swallow down a lump that is crammed in my throat… I'm just as nervous as you. I'm standing in front of you. You grab at my hand and try to lead me to the bed. I jerk my hand away and place them both on the tie that is keeping my robe strung together. Before you even have time to turn around, my robe has fallen against the cold, hard wooden floor. I reveal to you my black lace bra and making panties. Your jaw drops at the sight of my fallen robe and revealed self. You reach for my hands again, but this time I let you take them. I let you take me. You sit me down at the foot of the bed. You take a seat right next to me and brush your hand on my leg as your other hand reaches around my back. You send shivers up my spine, I'm freezing cold. You lean in to kiss me and you run your fingers through my hair softly. Your hands heat up… as does the moment. I fall backwards onto my back and drag myself to the head of the bed. I don't have to say a word; you are only one step behind me. I reach for your shirt and pull you near. My hands work like never before… I unbutton each button carefully. Your belt is next on my list. I reach in; look at you, and you know what to do next. You move before I could make my move. You reach for your belt and swiftly take it off.
I don't know what to do next. I mean, of course, I know… but I'm curious. Where will this take us? Will it make us strong? Will it break me? Who cares… I'm in the moment. All I can think about is you. All I want is you.
I'm lying on the bed. Your pants have already been unbuttoned and taken off. Your boxers remain on. My bra and panties haven't moved… I spoke too soon. You reach around my back with both hands and undo my bra. The lace falls forward and you catch it in your hands. You throw it across with the room without a care in the world. I start to feel weird… what am I doing? I know what I'm doing; I know what I'm doing. My breathing slows when you tell me everything is going to be okay. I believe you; I believe everything you feed me. I secretly move my wondering hands to your boxers and softly tug them. Without any complaints, they slip off at the same time my panties do. I'm back, lying on my back. You crawl between my shaking thighs and begin to kiss me softly. I kiss back, but I kiss back hard. You get the picture, you get what I want, and you kiss me hard. My heart is beating quicker than ever. I can still see that you are scared; you are scared to let people find out. Terrified. I know how you feel.
I know what I want to do. But can I do it? I'm sure I can… I just have to stop thinking and brace myself for the pain that I know is coming. The pain that will be pleasure. The pain that will be our pleasure.
You thrust into me. I gasp. I knew this pain was coming. Within seconds, the pain is decreasing, turning into maximum pleasure. Your tongue in my mouth hesitantly becomes my mouth on your neck. Every time you slide into me, I bite your neck. Nibble to let you feel the pain I'm feeling. You fight it out; who gets whose neck. I win. Every second you are in me, I feel weak. I feel wrong. But life is short and you only live once, so might as well make it worthwhile. Your hand slips over my chest and we roll over in the action. I'm on top, I'm in control. I have the power to please. I rock, back and forth. My knees getting weak over time. I lean in and kiss you hard. You for warn me about what is coming next. I already know. I'm already ready. Simple as that, it's over.
We lay under the warm covers, naked. Never recovering from our night's deed. You hold onto me with all you can. I try not to love you, I really try not to. But you told me you loved me… although you never did. You used me and abused me… and I don't mind. I liked the abuse, I like to be used. I'll never be through with you until I get what I want. You hold onto me with all you can and I try not to fall asleep… one tear rolls down my cheek… fast asleep.