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The Night of My X-Rated Christmas (A Gay Erotic Poem Parody)

Poetry By: Dante Mendoza

In this humorous, dirty poem parody of T'was the Night Before Christmas, a drunk gay man has very wicked night with a burglar in a Santa suit. Tis the season for being naughty!

Submitted:Dec 3, 2012    Reads: 436    Comments: 4    Likes: 1   

The night of my X-rated Christmas occurred at my duplex

Involving Jolly Old Saint Nick and some fun, hardcore sex;

It happened at midnight after a drunken night at the gay bar

Coming home completely snockered from partying like a rock star.

Entering my abode pile high with my superficial gifts

From John Varvatos V-neck tees to a CD from Taylor Swift

And that Abercrombie hoodie my drag queen buddy gave me this year

To the Gucci messenger bag my parents went bankrupt to ensure my holiday cheer.

Yes, I got what I wanted from my registered online wish list

Because if I didn't, I certainly would be pissed!

But what I wanted most; more than anything in the world

Was a big, muscle daddy I thought as I dry heaved and hurled.

Running to the porcelain goddess I made it in time

As I regurgitated my Christmas dinner, my diet pills, vodka, and lime!

When out in my living room there was a loud bang and a crash,

I ran from my bathroom to see a red suited thief looting some cash.

I said, "Stop what you doing! Hold it right there!"

Facing me with his gun, the gray bearded burglar angrily stared.

He asked. "Where's all your valuables? The money you keep?

I shrugged, "Sorry, I haven't hit the ATM tonight. I'm drunk and want to sleep!"

Handing over my wallet, the thief rifled through it.

"Only twenty bucks?" He asked. "Okay, buddy you blew it!"

Tossing his guy, he shoved me on my outdated couch that was shoddy,

The burglar smirked. "I guess you'll have to pay me with your body!"

I squealed like a little girl protesting his molestation;

But inside I was as giddy as an altar boy receiving a priest's special salvation.

Stripping off my clothes, he tossed them aside

Until I was naked and helpless, he spread my legs wide.

My assailant pulled off his shirt to reveal his hairy muscle chest

And I licked my lips hoping to explore both his nipples and breasts,

Shoving his red pants down to display his enormous package still flaccid

He grabbed my head close and forced me to suck something so massive!

My tongue wet his cock as it grew between my lips,

Slurping it eagerly as his bare ass kept thrusting his hips.

My throat swallowed him whole as I gagged on his cock

While I wet his balls repeatedly as he remained hard as a rock!

"Suck it good, bitch boy!" He grunted and growled.

"You'll be my cum dumpster tonight!" He threw his head back and howled.

My dick grew harder and I sucked him again and again

Loving my gray haired, bearded hunk whose cock I wanted to drain.

Grabbing my bare hips, he lifted my cock into his mouth

Sampling and tasting my dick, balls, and the whole dirty south!

In return, I did the same and blew him upside down

As he rimmed me, tongued my hole all tanned and brown.

Then shoving me doggy style on the carpet like a good little whore,

He spit into my hole before shoving his dick to the core!

Pounding me hard, he stretched my asshole as he should

While my man pussy clenched his cock tight and made him feel good.

Next he withdrew from my rectum and spun me on my back

While pinning my ankles to my ears and giving my ass a good whack!

Slamming his dick inside me still lubricated with spit

He filled me and stretched me to which I gladly submit!

Stoking his nipples and well-formed chest with my tongue

My Santa wearing lover was pleased by me bar none,

Pile driving me harder with his cock in my eager hole,

I was turned on even more by his dirty talk and stiff pole.





With that said, my Santa lover released another moan

While shooting inside me with each hard thrust and passing groan,

Looking down at my dark opening all sore and corrupted,

A flood of white cum came out. I mean it released and erupted!

Spreading my dirty hole filled with jism to release my lover's seed

I bathed in the afterglow and the appreciation of Santa fulfilling my needs,

Licking away the white, gooey mess from my ass with his tongue

My Saint Nick kissed me while my ass still ached and stung.

Embracing me close, my thieving lover stroked my hair and my back

As we kissed again and I tickled his limped dick and his sack,

And as he gathered his clothes and decided to leave the loot behind,

He whispered in my ear with some words of wisdom and suggestive lines.

"I don't care if you've been naughty or nice.

Keep your window open for me. I won't tell you twice!

Don't think you can run or even stop me and fight!

Merry Christmas! You're my bitch boy now every single night!"

And that's a bad thing?

The End.


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