A/N: I know I'm sorry it's been weeks. I'm very aware of that and well. I have no excuse other than this was the way to go. I didn't want to change it because it defeats the whole purpose of the chapter that will follow so bear with all the emotion it will get better and then some well you'll see. Much love and plz comment I missed you guys.
Two weeks had passed and things have been rather calm so to speak. Anthony seemed more distant everyday, but in a way I feel as if that's my fault. I shouldn't have done what I did, but I couldn't do anything about that now what's done is done and theirs no taking it back.
Being at work sort of helped all of the insecurities I was having. I brought them upon myself, but I know that Anthony would never cheat and that was not what I was insecure about.
This was just me being ridiculous because AJ hasn't been around the house as of late for the past two weeks he's been in and out of the hospital and he hasn't been in the mood to talk about it. We are professionals, but we do talk about everything and some cases are far more harsh than other's, maybe I was being silly and feeling like he was shutting me out when it maybe that he's really stressed out and just doesn't want to burden me with his own personal stress.
I also hadn't spoken with Adri for the past week and maybe it was time I gave her a call. Paperwork was settled everything I needed to get done was mostly basically all situated. It did need a once over by my secretary nothing major. All that was needed was to be looked over properly on a special child molestation case I have been working on. Far worse than anything I've seen in my two years at this.
I buried myself in case after case that varied from bad to worse to even worse. All I could think about was a victim who was raped and beaten by two men while pregnant. God, I needed to do something she was at a good place and I had a friend who was an amazing Psychologist and she's helping out my victim that by some miracle survived everything she had been put through being raped repeatedly and beaten afterwards was just excruciating painful for me to even read the documentation and police reports.
I couldn't imagine being put through something like that. And it turned out it was her jealous ex and a friend of his that did this to her. A happily married woman expecting for the first time had to endure so much pain.
She was someone I admired because even though I only met her briefly when I first started her case she didn't let this drag her down she didn't let this traumatize her. She embraced her tragedy and it made her stronger she's truly someone admirable.
I know she's been going to her therapy sessions and my friend says she's doing really well for a rape victim. She hasn't let this get in the way of her marriage. Her husband was a bit skeptical of course, though and honestly what husband wouldn't be, but as far as I know their doing great emotionally she told him everything and well physically they can't seem to keep their hands off each other.
I'm not sure if that's healthy with a victim who suffered for hours on end. But she seems truly well she does cry and maybe doesn't understand why this happened, but she said 'this will never change how I see and love my husband.' That alone is beautiful. I know rape victims can suffer to no end and they're never how they were before, but if you could see her now you'd be amazed at how grand god can be.
She's cherishing her husband and her son more than anything. I think that's what made her so strong the love she has for her husband and her son that also miraculously survived. Love in every sense of the word and emotion is an all powerful feeling that can either make you or break you. And it made her into this amazing woman who is now an active member in Women helping battered women Society. (WHBW)
Two days I've been at this and I haven't gone home I can't bring myself to go home to him. I feel like I just can't go home. I don't know if I can look at Anthony at the moment. It's just hard in general it feels like we grew apart and that scares me more than I care to admit.
It feels like in a way I lost some part of him. Maybe it's the part that trusted my better judgment and I failed him.
I went back to working on my victim's case. Their is no reason why her ex and the other pervert would go to trial their both guilty DNA tests proved that and a grand jury wasn't needed. They were going to have to face the judge and plead guilty they didn't have another choice. Witnesses placed them at the crime scene and identified one of them as my victims ex. The other was going to have to face assult on a pregnant woman. I give him at least 6 years. Her ex was going away for a long damn time didn't have another way around this.
'GUILTY AS CHARGED.'
That's what being a lawyer was about in my eyes, putting men like him in prison for a heinous crime like that. But it also made me realize that their was other way's of helping people so many way's other than being back up by the law one way being the way Anthony, Jax and my parent's help people everyday with their hand's taking care of them physically.
But that seamed so exhausting I see it in Anthony's eyes everyday. He had to look at trauma patients everyday. He went through this everyday. Could I go through this everyday? It was revolting reading police reports as it was, but a complete other when you had to witness it first hand.
I had to admit Anthony did an amazing job and I'm extremely proud of each of my family member's for going through experiences like this and far worse than I could handle. But another thought occurred to me. I could help children too. I could be a pediatric doctor if I wanted too. I mean I had a doctorate degree in law, but I know I could do it and I could take an internship at the hospital, but what would my family say if I did this?
I'm shocked that this even crossed my mind, but I lost a child young too and I'd love to care for children that aren't my own. Until the day comes that I'm blessed with them.
Maybe it was a crazy thing to think about. But as I finished my report on this particular case all I could think about was being another kind of doctor. It made me happy in a way. This was something I was doing for myself not to please anyone but myself. I know my parent's would be more than proud to have me on board too not that they weren't proud because I was a lawyer, but because they would have most of their family on board with them. They had Mr. and Mrs. Daniel's then a few years ago Jax and Anthony followed.
They would be ecstatic if Adri and I did the same. And the thought wasn't out of my mind yet…until my door busts open.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she yelled to my face as she leaned forward on my desk to yell at me directly in my face.
"I'm working. What does it look like I'm doing?"
Fuck she sounded just like Anthony. Like Brother like sister.
"What?" I asked innocently.
She shook her head back and forth. "Don't play dumb missy. You haven't been home in two days, and you haven't even called me this past week." She said sadly with eyes that began to water.
"Adri, no it's not what you think. I wanted to call I really did, but I figured you needed space from me I made you do something so stupid and I shouldn't have put you in a situation like that."
"Jill, you didn't put me in a situation. I put myself there because I'm the one that almost went ape shit at the site of Stacy. You didn't know she was going to be there."
"I know I just can't help but blame myself. You could have lost your baby and it would have been because of me."
She came around my desk and placed herself on my desk. "But I didn't lose my babies. I backed away thinking of him and I was okay. Another one was lost yes, but that was because that stupid bitch backed away also and fell. But it wasn't my babies that were lost."
I shook my head covering my mouth holding in my sobs. "Wait, babies? Did you just say babies?" I asked as the tears fell from my eyes.
She nodded and smiled proudly. "Yes, babies. Twins just like you and me. Doctor Arden your aunt checked. Their going to be identical twins. We can't tell the sex yet, but I get this feeling that they might be boys. And it makes me happy that I'll have two boys to remind me everyday of Jax and well you if their anything like their aunt." She said smiling and giggling.
"Twins, Oh my god I'm so happy for the both of you. You guys are going to be great parents." I said a little more sadly than I intended as I hugged her harder and the tears in my eyes began falling faster.
She held me tighter and let me cry on her shoulder. "Shhh, Jill its okay. Your time will come and for what its worth you'll make a wonderful mom you have motherly instincts already."
I just nodded and held on to her for dear life.
I brought myself to pull away from her even though she refused to let me go. I had to I didn't want to hurt her. "Go home Jill, relax. Go home." She said sternly.
"Have you eaten or even showered for the past two days?" she asked.
I shook my head. "No, but that's beside the point."
"Go home Jill."
"I don't know if I can." I said truthfully.
"What of him?"
I shook my head again and shrugged. "Honestly I don't know he hasn't been around the house lately and he's just in and out of the hospital and on the phone constantly and its rare of him to be on it so much. He doesn't want to talk. He's acting so strange like if he's hiding something from me. I don't know it's just a feeling in my gut or lawyer instinct that he's hiding something and I can't shake it off. I don't want to lose him Adri."
"Shut up you don't know what your saying Jillian."
"Adri calm down. Look I don't know he's just different after what happened with Stacy and it just scares me that I maybe losing him and he's giving up on us. He's just shutting me out and that hurts more than us not being intimate."
"Is this about sex?" she asked.
"No, it's not about sex. We have sex. I mean we still do its just more fucking than loving and he's just different."
"So then this is not about sex?"
"Adri are you even listening to a word I'm saying? This is about him withdrawing from me he's hiding something from me and I don't like it." I spat at her.
I didn't mean to take it out on her I really didn't, but she didn't comprehend a thing I was saying. She's never like this she's usually more understanding and she knows exactly what I mean.
"Wait a minute."
"Are you in on something I'm not aware of?" I asked knowingly and my eyes narrowing at her.
"Who me?" she asked pointing to herself.
"Yes you, who else am I talking too?" I asked sarcastically.
"I have no idea what the hell you're talking about." She said as she hugged the crap out of me gave me a quick peck on the head and took off before I could get another word in.