He wanted to go so I let him. Anything for him to give me the money. Shit I didn’t care. He was old enough to get out of my way when I wanted him to.
Damn, I wish I had a car to get to the spot quicker. I thought about stealing one, but the kid would probably slow me down. Damn, I was hurting. I needed some bad.
“Make him pay for the bus” the voice again with the best ideas.
Damn you right. I wanted to give the voice a high five for all the great shit it had done for me.
Corey agreed and we waited on the bus. Maybe it was just a few minutes but it seemed like 10 years to me. Corey was smiling like a Cheshire cat and talking my ear off.
“At school I’m going to be in a play Momma. Do you think you can come” He asked looking up at me wide eyed and happy.
“Yeah yeah baby I’ll come” That’s really all I could say. I didn’t want him to change his mind about the money.
I started coughing real bad and almost threw up when the bus came and of course it was crowded. I got my shit together with a pep talk from the voice so we still got on. I let him sit while I stood so he couldn’t keep talking to me.
“What the fuck are you looking at” I had to ask a few bitches that were staring at me.
I may have been a little bruised but I could still suck dick better than these Bitches. I looked down and saw my clothes. Ok, yeah I needed to wash my pants but either way I didn’t want they ass staring at me.
The bus kept inching along letting people off and getting a new bunch on every few minutes. Finally, we made it to our stop and I grabbed Corey and started walking to the spot.
I decided to go see Tony since I fucked up with Chauncey. I’d turn a few tricks for him and get back on his good side but for now I was gonna go see Tony.
Problem with him was he liked you to do too much shit.
“Suck my dick, let me fuck you in the ass, now let him fuck you while you suck my dick” all that for a damn 20. Hell he could atleast give me a 50. So I didn’t fuck wit him until I really needed some or I had some cash. Right now both of those fit me.
Corey grabbed for my hand when we made it on the street. I guess he was scared. I didn’t notice how bad this shit looked.
There were some people outside arguing and about to fight, some bitch was taking a guy behind a house to fuck him, and some dude was naked rambling on top of an old car. Hell it was still day time. He would be frightened to see the shit that goes on at night. I guess I didn’t see it anymore.
When I was high I didn’t see anything.
We got to the house I wanted. Blue and falling apart but it looked like heaven to me. I saw Tony’s brown cutlass outside and it looked like a damn Cadillac to my eyes.
Corey squeezed my hand tighter as we made it down the sidewalk to the house.
“Momma” I heard him whisper.
“It’s ok Boo. Just gotta go pay this guy and we can go ok” I didn’t know the truth anymore. To me a lie was the truth. And that’s what I told him.
He nodded as we made out way passed the man layed out in front of the door.
We walked back to the kitchen and Tony was there over top of the stove. Watching him mix-up the dope made my mouth water.
“Give me the money” I told Corey
He dug in his pocket and handed me the money.
FUCK.. it was only 100 dollars. I forgot I really needed 200.
“Go stand over there” I told him pointing to what I guess was the dining room. It was empty now but we usually shot up in there.
Tony turned around as Corey walked out of the room. He had his eyes fixed on him. I hope he didn’t get mad and turn me away.
“Hey Tony, what ya got for me baby.” I said walking over to him and rubbing his shoulder.
“Bitch get yo hands off me, you don’t touch me unless I tell you to” He spat at me not taking his eyes off the pot.
“You got some money or you gettin fucked” He asked but it sounded more like a statement. I guess he thought I forgot the rules.
“Yeah, I got some money but I was hoping you could give me a little more. I got a C-note”
I told him.
“Now you know that ain’t enough” He said turning around and snatching the money out of my hand.
“I know but I was wondering umm if we could work something out..maybe we could go in the “
He cut me off before I could finish.
“Who is the boy”
“thats my son, he won’t be no trouble. We could go in the bathroom so he dont…”
What you trying to get”
He stepped past me towards the dining room. He stopped and stared at Corey who was sitting on the floor playing some small game thing he brought.
He walked back over to me and said “I’ll give you the packs if you let me go upstairs with the boy for awhile”
“Go Ahead” That was the voice.
“He’ll be alright. You was younger than him when BJ started touchin you”
“Yeah you right” I said to the voice
I know I should have said no but I needed the packs. I looked down at my hands and they were starting to shake. One pack wouldn’t be enough.
“He’ll be ok” the voice kept whispering.
I should have took Corey and run but I needed to get this pain off me.
Tony must have heard the voice too because he took the packs out of his pocket and dangled them in front of my face.
You gonna go easy on him” I asked snatching the packs out of his hand.
He nodded yes
I walked right over to Corey in the dining room. I had to tell him something to get him to do it.
“Baby” I said to him as he stood up.
“I’m gonna go use the bathroom. You go with Uncle Tony ok. I’ll be right back”
He glanced over my shoulder at Tony and shook his head.
“BOY YOU DO WHAT I SAY YOU HEAR ME” I yelled at him.
“Leave him” The voice said.
I turned around and walked towards the bathroom. Leaving him and Tony alone.
I hadn’t had my first love in a while. I usually smoked crack because it was cheaper but this was what I craved.
I was in the bathroom getting my needle out and ready.
I heard noise and Tony talking in the other room, but now I didn’t give a fuck . The needle felt like paradise going into my arm.
“You did good” The voice said. It was happy.
I was around his age when my stepdad started coming in my room. Corey would be alright.