Without You, I'm Lost

By: Nikkibeth

Chapter 7,

Chapter 7

How I Feel is Real


I regret waking up this morning. I am going home. I loved the time I spent with my sexy boyfriend, my English teacher. I woke up at eight forty five and got in the shower. Jake is not awake yet and I needed the alone time to think. Think about this weekend. I lost my virginity Friday and gained a boyfriend; Saturday we had a whole day of fun and excitement. Today, I am sad. It’s ending in two hours when I go home to my parents. They both miss me and they want me home bad. I turned the water on and got in and the warm water cascade down my body. My nerves tingled down my spine and I began to think, really think. I met and wanted this man since I seen him walk in the classroom. When he looked into my eyes as he took my virginity and made me a women, I felt something. I don’t know what it is, but I feel it every time we have sex. We connect, we are meant for each other. Our age difference is the least of my worries. I am worried about his career once somebody finds out. What will happen to him? The age of consent in California is sixteen, and I am seventeen, he won’t go to jail. The only thing that can happen is he will get fired and they make it hard for him to get a job. I can ruin his career. My dad can even get fired since he is a teacher at the same school. We won’t get caught, I know we won’t. My parents did and it turned out some what good. My dad lost his job, but they didn’t make it hard to get another one here in LA. I put some shampoo in my hair and more thoughts came in. I want to stay here, with Jake. Just a few more hours, but that is impossible. If I don’t come home in time, my parents will go to Ellen’s and I am not there. The suds left my hair and I soaped up my body and I heard the door creek open. I can hear Jake take off his clothes and the cold air hit my skin as he opened the curtain to get in. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” Jake asked me.


“I needed to think about this weekend,” I said and washed the soap off of me.


“Good thoughts?”


“Of course and I am sad that I have to leave to go home. My mom is wanting me home so bad.” I looked down and Jake wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. My nose grazed his furred chest and I placed my cheek on his chest. I can hear his racing heart against my ear and he wrapped his arms around me. “I don’t want you to leave either,” He said and I sighed.


“We have next weekend, and the school week,” I said into his chest.


“Yeah, I know but I have to keep my hands off of you and that will be hard.”


“Maybe we can grade papers here a few times a week.” I looked up at him and he smiled.


“We better hurry, you’re getting pruny and we have to meet Ellen in a little bit.” He sounds very sad excluding the smile he has on his face about what I said about grading at his place. I got out of the shower and let him finish showering and it’s already time for me to leave. I looked at the mirror and I really do feel like crying. Why does this weekend have to end? Can it go on for a few more hours, maybe another day? I put all my dirty clothes in my bag and Jake is at the front door, ready to go with a  frown on his face. I stood behind him and sighed. “Well, I guess we better go,” I whispered and a tear left my eye. Shit, I don’t want to cry in front of him. Why am I feeling like this anyway? Jake turned around and wiped the tear away with his thumb and kissed me tenderly. When he let go, he touched my nose with his. “We will talk on the phone tonight and see each other tomorrow. We will be okay, promise,” Jake said and I nodded. We got on his motorcycle and we went to the store we met on Friday. Ellen walked out with two Mountain Dews, my favorite drink, and a hot dog for herself. She seen me and she is smiling. “Had a nice weekend?” She said and I smiled up at Jake.


“The best weekend ever,” I said and he grinned ear to ear.


“I took good care of her, Ellen. I will see you in class tomorrow,” Jake said and Ellen nodded. She got in the drivers seat of her little Honda Accord and I faced Jake. I looked up into his eyes and he leaned down and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and our tongues battled each other in our mouths. When he let go, he touched my cheekbone. “I’ll talk to you later, baby,” He said and I nodded.


“I’ll miss you and this weekend,” I said and he smiled.


“Our first special weekend. Better get going or your parents will send a search party!” I laughed and kissed him one more time. Jake got on his motorcycle and he waved at Ellen and blew me a kiss as he left. I got in the car and Ellen just stared at me. “What?” I asked her and she sighed.


“God, y’all are a bunch of lovebirds! How does it feel to date an older man that is also your teacher?” Ellen asked me and I smiled big.


“Absolutely amazing!” I said and she smiled as she turned her car on and took me home.


Mom and Dad are waiting by the door and immediately grabbed me as I walked through the door. “God I missed you doll!” Dad said and I closed my eyes. I never knew but I did miss my parents this weekend.


“I had fun with Ellen and I loved that we spent the whole weekend with her. I want to do it every weekend!” I said and my mom just stared at me.


“It’s fine with me, you deserve to have fun on the weekends…” Mom said and Ellen cleared her throat. Geez Ellen, don’t make it obvious that I was with a man all weekend.


“I agree, you seemed so much brighter and happier now,” Dad said and I smiled.


“Well, we did go to a little concert in the park and we cooked dinner and went to the mall…you know, girly stuff,” Ellen said, remembering what I told her what Jake and I did this weekend.


“Well, you two get settled in, I got a cake in the oven right now,” Mom said and I sniffed the air, she made a German chocolate cake, my favorite.


“Sorry Kylie, mom wants me home because my grandfather is coming in from South Carolina. Dad is on his way to get him,” Ellen said and mom nodded. I hugged Ellen and whispered into her ear, “Thanks, care to do this every weekend?”


“No problem, maybe you’ll do this for me one day,” Ellen whispered. I nodded, I would do this for her in a heart beat. Ellen waved at my parents and left. Mom and I went to the kitchen and got the cake out of the oven. “JJ said to tell you that he loves you and he will see you in college. Penny was mad that you didn’t come and I told her that you are spending time with a friend,” Mom said and I nodded. When she mentioned “friend”, she sounded…odd. Does she suspect about my relationship with Jake? How can she know, it ain’t like she has a sense where she can detect a teacher-student romance. I shook my head and put the cake on a cooling rack. I excused myself to my room and when I closed the door, I jumped on my bed and turned on my CD player. The band Firehouse came on and the song “When I look into your eyes” came on and tears build in my eyes. Jake’s eyes are so beautiful and I love it when they are filled with passion. I love it when he looks into my eyes when we come together and he never takes his eyes off of me. God, I cannot get this man off of my mind. Shit, I have so much feelings right now is driving me crazy. I know what it is now, I am in love with him. Holy shit, I love Jacob Mason Lancaster. These feelings are real, when I just think that I love him, my heart flutters and my stomach fills up with butterflies. Then, my mind is filled with fear, what if Jacob doesn’t have the same feelings as me?

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