These seven words leaves his mouth with ease and I just can't find it in me to speak. My entire world is about to come crashing down right before my very eyes but all I can do right now is stare at this beautiful yet complicated man with nothing but confusion. I've never been so filled with shock and desperation. My heart pounds hard in my chest, all of the color rushes away from my face, goosebumps rise on every inch of my skin, while my eyes well up with unwanted tears. My lips are trembling along with my body being overtaken by a wave of shakes, and I've never been so emotionally torn and in such despair in my existence.
Is this really happening to me right now? Jaxon Edwards has just told me he loves me. Jaxon loves me. This can't be reality; it just can't be. This doesn't make the slightest bit of sense but as my eyes burn deep into his and I feel the passion he has for me, that we have for each other, and in the matter of seconds the whole world comes crashing down on me.
When a female is used to getting hurt, she won't know how it feels when a man starts to appreciate her, so she ends up pushing him away. It seems when you want someone, they don't want you. And when someone wants you, you don't want them. But when you both want each other, something has to come around and mess it up. So, what's that something going to be? There's no possible way that I deserve to be happy. None of this should be taking place right now, at least not to me, because I know that nobody would ever love a woman like me.
I'm mentally fucked up... My parents dying has left me filled with doubt on true happiness. I have entirely given up on just the simple thought of love. How could something so incredible be happening to me? No, the better question is what on earth should I do? The rain begins to pour down on us even harder, the raindrops soaking us as I watch the water dripping down his hair and face, and all I want to do is wrap my arms around him. I want to pull him into me and never let go. The truth is, I can't let this happen. This man is just as equally as messed up as I am and just the thought of letting him get to me tears at my heart and soul. I'm not ready for this, not now.
After practically ripping my heart out from my chest and stomping on it, Jaxon actually believes that by him confessing his love for me will bring me back? I'm in a very dark and guarded state of mind, nothing in the world being able to change this, and that's a fact. He hurt me so much when he turned on me at the cabin and even though it might not be a big deal to him, it is to me, because I confided in him and trusted him to not break my heart. And he did. . . Now this is happening all so suddenly?
Finally, my emotions build up and I simply can't take it anymore. The wall I have built up in the back of my head, keeping me from feeling anything, comes crumbling down all at once. Sadness consumes me, desperation, but before anything else comes pure anger. Hatred. If Jaxon thinks this is going to change anything between us then he is wrong.
Without thinking it through, I jump backwards in the blink of an eye as his strong hands drop from my face. How dare he do this to me! How dare he give me no other choice than to allow myself to come back! How dare he think that he can get away with this! Before I can even wrap my head around it my hand has balled up into a tight fist, my arm nearly shaking with a burst of pure anger. Then within the blink of an eye, I have jumped forward striking him right in his face, his strong jawline hurting my knuckles. A hiss instantly rushes out of my mouth from the impact but I push it away.
With a sharp groan his head flings to the side from the excessive force of my punch, then he amazing eyes lock with mine. Fear strikes me, my hair sticking up as I hold my breath, but Jaxon doesn't make a single movement. He doesn't speak. He doesn't even blink. He wantches me intently and even though he doesn't seem to be in any ounce of pain or discomfort it doesn't bother me.
And before I know it I'm darting forward and I shove him as hard as I can with every ounce of my strength, nothing but determination filling my head. He backs up in response before stepping closer, and I shove him again with all of my might, the process repeating for what feels like forever. Seconds later I'm pounding my fists on his solid rock hard chest, taking out all of my anger on his glorious and muscular body before I run out of breath and fall into his arms.
Jaxon holds me against his strong body, his arms wrapping around my back and nearly crushing me but I've never felt so safe and secure in my life. This man squeezes my small petite frame with everything in him and there's no stopping the tears that come falling down from my eyes.
"I hate you!" I cry out to him, sobbing unconrollably but it's impossibly to stop. "I hate you so much. I hate you, I hate you, Jaxon."
"I love you, Sasha." He tells me in a bold statement, nothing but honesty filling his husky and shaky voice, pulling me tighter to him with a quiet groan.
"Yes," He races out in a sharp breath, cutting me off as I shake my head.
"No, you don't. You can't love me-"
His hand cups the back of my neck, his fingers twirled in my hair while his other arm is locked around my back, not daring to let me go as he plants a gentle kiss on the top of my head. This gentle and compassionate gesture just throws my emotions into complete overload, mostly due to the fact that this has thrown me into a state of shock from how unexpected this was. He's taken me all the way across the country to my parent's grave sight, all to try to get me back, and he has told me he loves me. Should I finally allow myself to be happy? Should I let myself accept his love? Should I let him back in once again after what he had put me through? Nothing but confusion overtakes me.
"It's too late, Sasha. I didn't know how much you meant to me until the moment I got on my jet and you weren't with me. These three days of being away from you were fucking hell."
"No, please stop-"
"For fucks sake, Sasha! Enough! You need to hear this, goddamnit." He snarls at me, breathing hard and shallow while his hypnotizing eyes pierce straight into mine, making my knees weak. "I could barely sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't even think as sharp in my meetings on business, which is extremely important. I almost lost the proposal they offered me because I could hardly think straight. It was absurd. Bottom line, I wasn't going to tell you. I realized it one night and I'm sorry, but Sasha, I can't control it. I don't have the willpower to ignore it and when I got back home and you barely showed me any affection after I missed you like fucking hell, it really upset me. I had to do this. I have to tell you the truth."
"You shouldn't have," I rush out, the rain still falling quickly from the dark stormy sky while tears continue to slide down my cheeks. "I can't deal with this right now, Jaxon. I can't."
"I've never felt this way before." His words come out with so much vulnerability that it leaves me speechless. Absolutely breathless, even. Hearing him sounding this emotional and in tuned with how he feels isn't exactly something I'm used to, so it clearly makes this situation feel much more complicated than ever. "If you think that this is a choice that I've made, you're wrong, because it isn't. If it was then this would most certainly prove to be the worst one, Sasha. I will never in my existence be sorry that I have fallen in love with you."
Suddenly I begin to sob even more, not from only sadness, but also from relief. No man has ever loved me before and knowing that this beautiful, charming, and still so mysterious man does is one of the most amazing moments I've ever experienced. My arms lock tighter around his body while my face rests against his chest, and standing outside in the pouring rain makes this such an unreal moment. I'm so confused and at loss for words. I have no clue what to do or especially to say, but he isn't giving me any pressure whatsoever which happens to ease the tention that's built up in my shoulders. What female in my position wouldn't be estatic about having Mr. Edwards, handsome and intelligent millionaire confess his love for them? This is just way too much for me to process right now.
"You hurt me so bad. I trusted you and you lied to me-"
"I know," He immediately blurts out, admitting it to me while taking my face between his large masculine hands as he stares into my puffy and red eyes with passion. "I told you that I was terrified when I woke up with you in my arms, and I apologized for that. I'll apologize again. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that to you, hurt you to that far of an extent, or even hurt you at all. I meant no harm... I truly didn't. If I had any idea how much it would have caused you pain then it never would have happened like that. I. . . I just shut down, Sasha. I shut down like you have. I'm trying to get you back now and I don't know what else I could possibly say right now to make this better."
He presses his lips into a firm straight line, the tips of his thumbs lightly tracing patterns against my cheeks as he gazes lovingly into my eyes. I take a deep breath and take my bottom lip between my teeth trying my best to calm myself down. If only I knew what he could say to make everything perfect again, how much fun we had together the first day at the cabin, then I would do it in a heartbeat. But I'm clueless as to how things could go back to that perfect day.
"Can you forgive me?" Jaxon whispers, narrowing his beautiful blue eyes while they burn into me, his stare so intense that it instantly sends butterflies rushing through my stomach.
"I'm confused, Jaxon, I'm sorry-"
"Don't be," He races out in a cautious mumble, slowly shaking his head. "You don't need to say anything. I just needed to get this off my chest and tell you the damn truth. For once in my life I'm willing to open up to a female, and you need to understand that I'm confused too. I'm just as confused as you are. Do you think I have any idea what being in love feels like?"
I softly mutter in return, "I don't know."
"Me either. I think I do. All I know, Sasha, is that I have never in my twenty seven years of living felt this way for a woman before. I've been with Submissives for as long as I can remember and there's never been any feelings involved in the relationship. They were my Subs only and that is all they ever were to me. But then you came into the picture and you were so different from them. You're changing me. I knew you would. You're changing my life and the part that worries me is that I might be okay with it." Jaxon becomes silent, hesitating after widening his eyes and staring at me with concern.
"Really?" I quietly say, still so stunned as my heart wildly races from the suspense.
"Yes. It kills me to imagine you with anybody else. I just want to have a place in your heart like you have a place in mine, and I hope bringing you here could help you find yourself. I want you to be yourself again. I miss the independent, strong willed, confident, sassy, difficult, complicated, and fiesty woman I met on that night. I'm sick and tired with the you that doesn't give a damn about anything." His incredible eyes that seem to be no longer gaurded and mysterious gaze at my face for a while, searching for something I can't quite figure out as I look back at him in awe. "I can't promise to fix all of your problems, but what I can promise is you won't have to face them alone."
With this kind and sincere statement coming from him, I find myself giving into tears once again as he pulls me against his chest once again, snuggling me in his muscular arms and allowing me to release all of these emotions that I've been hiding for the past few days. I can't believe they were this strong, and since I was pushing them to the side before I could feel anything I had no idea. Tears claim my face while the sky flashes with lightning and thunder roars above us, this flawless man holding me in his arms as tight as ever, and for once in my life I feel like I'm finally finding my place.
"I don't want to lose you," Jaxon says in a deep tone. As soon as I lift my head is when I notice how emotional he's staring down at me, and it's so touching to see him care as much as he does, and since it involves me it makes me feel really special. A feeling I'm not used to. "I know I have issues, Sasha. I'm a fucked up man but I have to know if what I feel. . . is real. Let me kiss you."
"What?" I whimper, my lips trembling as the wind howls and my hair blows in all different directions. Jaxon doesnt waste a second before tucking a strand behind my ear while his piercing and hypnotizing incredible blue eyes glare at me, a possessive look crossing his face.
"I need to kiss you, right now."
I instantly shake my head and try to rush out, "But-"
"But nothing. I need to kiss you, and if you still don't feel anything for me then you have to let me know. I will take it and live with it because the last thing I want to do is make you unhappy. Fuck, Sasha." A loud groan escapes from his mouth, his full lips parted and they look so inviting. I have to fight the urge to lean forward right this second and I can't help but hold my breath from all of the anxiety that's consuming me. "Just let me kiss you. Can you do that for me?" Jaxon asks, barely any sound to his voice as he looks deeply at me, with an unbelievable amount of extreme passion.
It leaves my stomach in knots and I can feel my heart pounding rapidly, just the simple thought of his lips pressing against mine completely terrifying me. There's one thing I don't think he understands about what's about to take place. Jaxon wants to do this for himself, to see if what he's feeling is true, but deep down it's also the same for me. If he kisses me and I feel something for him everything is going to change for me, mentally and emotionally, and the same goes for him.
But what if the both of us have different reactions? So many confusing things rush through my mind and it's such an overwhelming situation to be put in but I know that in order for me to move on with my life, I have to find this out for myself as well. I have to know if I still feel something for this man. My entire world could change if we both feel the same way and maybe, just maybe, I could finally be happy. Maybe the both of us could be happy together.
Without giving it anymore thought I unthinkingly whisper to him, "Yes."
And as soon as this word leaves my mouth he grabs my waist and pulls my body to his, keeping me as close to him as he can, his hands firmly gripping my hips. Our eyes immediately happen to lock only seconds later and it's such an intense passionate and breathtaking stare that it leaves everything around me spinning. Thunder sounds and lightning flashes while the rain suddenly starts to slow down its fast pace, almost making the moment even more perfect than I ever thought it would be.
Before I can even wrap my head around it, Jaxon cups his hands on the side of my neck, staring at me with a different expression this time, too new for me to understand. When I least expect it he leans down closing the space between us, my eyes closing as I wait in suspense. Ever so gently he pushes his lips to my lips, this kiss so tender it leaves me breathless, and it entirely stuns me with how I'm feeling. His addictive and lucious lips are strong and incredibly smooth against mine. His hands hold my neck tighter while my arms find their way around his broad shoulders.
Then in the blink of an eye everything changes. As we kiss, really kiss, something inside me smashes like a splitting atom erupting with all the force of a shattering nucleus. And yet I'm strangely at peace, too. It's like after all these years I've finally found my place in the universe.