Jaxon Edwards looks at me as if I have suddenly ended his life, as if his whole world has come crashing down on him in the matter of seconds. I can honestly admit to myself that I have never witnessed him looking this vulnerable and frightened ever since the first moment I laid my eyes on him. In a strange way this actually shocks me and fills me with nothing but pure confusion, because the way he's staring at me is something I've never experienced before.
His face drops along with his jaw, his lips widely parted as his mouth continues to stay wide open, and he remains perfectly motionless before me. He doesn't say a single word. While he stays on mute all I do is think about the fact that this man is officially my Dominant and I signed a contract giving my consent to this. I didn't read anywhere in there that I could not leave if I decided I didn't want to be a part of this anymore, so this is all up to me and to only me. What he did in the playroom has really got me thinking and I know I'm not willing to do that anymore, and I can't be the girl he wants me to be just to make him happy. I have to worry about myself too and I will always come first, and this is how it's been ever since my parents were taken away from me.
I'm an independent and grown woman, therefore I most certainly can handle taking care of myself. On the other hand, there's another major and important thing I'm quite obviously forgetting about right now. The deal we made, which I agreed to for one simple reason... The money. At first I was pleased and overwhelmed with the fact that it was ten grand because that is so much to me in my world, but clearly not his...
But the night I arrived here he changed this all the way to
one-hundred thousand dollars and my whole world changed. I'm
broke and that's the truth here. I have absolutely no money and
being a hooker selling my body on the corner is no longer working
I have rent to pay and I've already had to ask Natalie for money a few times ever since living in our apartment that we share together, and passing on such an amazing opportunity for me to finally bring some cash back home would be very ignorant of me. I'm alright with having sex, I have to be okay with that being a prostitute, but I can't help feeling scared because I have never felt this way for someone before. He has so much power over my heart just like he stated in the contract, but I'm not like all his other Subs that he's been with in the past.
I'm not ready to give him complete control over myself, not when it comes to being involved in the dark side of his life, which is the dominating part of it. If only he could show me a little compassion and to let me know that he really does care about me in a good way then I'd possibly feel a little bit better, but right now I feel used and hurt, mentally and physically.
Finally, I break the silence. ''Say something,'' I rush out in a hushed tone.
At first he begins to look angry and his eyes narrow while turning dark, and he closes his mouth and presses his lips into a hard straight line. As soon as this happens I start to feel uncomfortable and scared from his sudden upset reaction, until his face softens and his eyes are still guarded and intense, and there's a dark glint to them so I know he's far from happy.
''I don't know what to say to you,'' He eventually answers,
shaking his head in what looks like confusion and nothing but
shock from what I have said to him. ''Sasha, you can't,
leave... You gave me your consent. You signed your name
on the line and accepted my deal. You agreed to this. This is
consensual between us. You're mine. You can't leave me. I won't
allow you to leave."
''This isn't up for discussion Jaxon.'' I use his full first name out of annoyance and I try my best to show him how serious and stern I am about what I am saying. His fearful eyes widen only seconds after these words leave my mouth, and his jaw tightens once again. ''I'm leaving. I have to go.''
"No, you're not.'' He calmy let's out, but it sounds as if he's trying to convince himself.
''No!" He races out as I glare up at him.
"Please just listen to me! For once, just listen to
what I'm trying to say!'' I snap at him, although it's much more
out of sadness this time than out of anger. He throws his head
back and his stare stays right on my face, but he remains silent.
''That's our main problem. It's always about you, and yes I know
you're my Dominant but you can show me at least a little respect
back in return. I'm trying so hard to do this for you! To be what
you want, but only because of the agreement between us and I know
that I agreed to this, but after what happened last night... I'm
done with it. I can't do that ever again. You can't do that kinky
shit to me. You're so fucked up!'' I say unthinkingly, relieved
but suddenly frightened once I realize what has just so easily
slipped out of my mouth.
He moves forward and begins to dart at me as I jump backwards entirely horrified, after letting out a nervous sharp breath and preparing myself for what's about to happen, but Jaxon haults himself to a dead stop. I silently watch as his eyes close halfway and his eyebrows come together, and he looks nothing but disgusted. With me or himself, is the real question.
A deep grunt escapes from his lips as his gaze drops right to the floor, and he tightly closes his eyes while I keep my attention focused only on him. ''You're scared of me,'' He mumbles, but it's so quiet that I'm barely able to hear him. ''You're fucking scared of me...''
''No,'' I try to tell him but I have to stop myself because in all reality, I am. ''I need to go.''
''Why are you scared of me?'' He loudly demands, but not sounding harsh this time at all. This man never has never sounded so concerned and sensitive before ever since the moment I first met him. I hesitate and try to find the right words while he walks up to me and stands only inches away from me, staring deeply into my eyes with kindness and most of all... empathy.
''Is that a serious question?'' I carefully mutter, gazing up
at him but he doesn't answer. ''Jaxon, you get upset with me all
the time. If I do something to make you mad then you just blow up
at me and you yell, and make me feel like I'm a child. And I'm
not. I'm twenty-one years old and I've taken care of myself ever
since I was eighteen. I'm independent and I never let anyone walk
all over me before... And that's exactly what you do to me
He releases a small breath and glances up at the ceiling for a while before locking his eyes with mine, and I anxiously fold my arms across my chest in response. ''I'm sorry, Sasha.'' Jaxon tells me with a worried tone, not daring to break our deeply connected eye contact. ''It kills me to know.. that I.. scare... you.'' Nearly choking out the words, he slightly tilts his head to the side, looking over every inch of my face while slowly shaking his head. ''I'm so sorry. Please, can you forgive me? I need you to forgive me. I feel terrible, Sasha.''
I stare up at his soft and passionate face long and hard before I can find it in me to respond. ''It might take some time. It's going to take me a while not to be so nervous around you. I can tell that deep down inside you're a good man, but what you're showing me is just pushing me away.''
''What I can do?'' He asks, immediately getting to the point. I innocently gaze into his blazing blue eyes and and shrug.
''Let me leave,'' I finally get the guts to say, whispering to him as he frowns, parting his lips to say something. But before he can say a word I quickly speak over him. ''Just let me leave for a bit and let me think. I need some time to think shit through. I need time to really think about this--"
''Think what through?'' He abruptly questions, his beautiful eyes burning into mine.
''This... Everything that's going on. I'm so confused and I don't know if I can do this anymore. It's so nice of you to offer me this deal and give me so much money for staying with you, and I was perfectly fine with just posing as your fiance. I figured, hey, I can do that. I can fake being in love with him,'' I rush out but suddenly lose my voice and I become silent.
His eyes become bigger and he inhales a sharp breath before tightly clenching his jaw. ''And you're doing great at it, Sasha."
''Until I accepted it and then you confessed you're a Dominant,'' I instantly say, hating the pained expression he gives me after I go quiet. "I'm sorry you live your life this way, and I don't know why you're like this, but not everyone is into this like you are. Which I realized I'm not. Clamps, Jaxon? Tying me up, blindfolding and gagging me?"
His eyes immediately become guarded, and he looks offended with what I have just said to him, but I had to let it out. ''Why didn't you say no then? Huh? Why couldn't you have just turned me down right then and there, right in my car when I gave you this offer? Why, Sasha? Why did you let it go this far?'' Jaxon softly asks, and I can't stand how he's turning this on me.
I glare at him and step back, covering my forehead with my shaking my hand. ''You're turning this all on me now, awesome. How manly of you to make me feel bad!''
''I'm not trying to make you feel bad!'' He shouts back at me, gently wrapping his warms hands around my upper arms and pulling my body closer to him as I whimper. ''I would never purposely make you feel anything negative. If I do, then you should speak up. And you should tell me. Let me know that you don't like what I'm doing and just give me a goddamn heads up!''
''I can't when you throw me over your shoulder!'' I exclaim,
staring at him in complete fury and I put my hands on his chest
to push him away from me as he stumbles back and stands still.
''You just make me so angry when you defy me,'' He firmly states, glaring at me as I let out a snort in response. ''You piss me off so much! Your back talk! The way you're so damn stubborn! Your defiance! The way you never listen to what I say without questioning me! No woman has ever disrespected me like you have at times--''
''I do not!'' I argue.
''You almost punched me in the face!'' He sharply reminds me, almost with humor and I snap my mouth shut immediately because I almost entirely forgot about that. Mr. Edward's expression fortunately softens once again and he runs his fingers through his messy dark hair, groaning under his breath in fustration. ''I have never had a Submissive who has literally tried hitting me before. Never in my whole damn life. They shut their mouths and do as I say!''
''Well I'm different and I don't take that shit from anyone,
including you,'' I let out with courage and he immediately
scowls, looking even more aggravated with me but I ignore it. ''I
am not like your other little girls who waited on you and did
whatever you said and never did anything wrong. I
challenge you Mr. Edwards, I'll admit that. We always
get in arguements. We're always fighting with each other. And I
honestly can't take it anymore! Don't you get that?''
''I get it! I do, but do you really think I intentionally start arguments with you?'' He asks me in desperation, moving closer to me and looking as deeply into my glaring eyes as possible. ''Sasha, I hate fighting with you. I can't stand it. Do you honestly believe that I do this on purpose? I love when we get along but this relationship that we have going on is practically toxic!''
''I agree,'' I sternly rush out as he turns around and walks away, pacing across the room.
''Oh Sasha, I hate what you do to me.'' I hear him cautiously mumble, almost making it quiet and unclear enough that I won't be able to speak, but I do. ''I hate feeling this way. It's getting to the point where I don't know if I can control myself with you anymore--''
''This is why I'm leaving,'' I say, and he unexpectedly turns
around to stare at me.
"You can't,'' he lets out in a retort, sharply exhaling before he begins to walk back and forth across the living room again, and he looks like a crazy person who's about to snap. ''You aren't leaving me. I mean you aren't leaving. You signed the contract. I won't allow this.''
''Listen I am perfectly aware that you obviously don't give a shit about what I have to say or about how I'm feeling inside, but I would really appreciate it if you could put yourself in my shoes for just one second right now,'' I practically plead to him, hating how depressed and hurt I sound but there's nothing I can do about it to fix this. I feel like I'm broken inside and he's caused this.
Jaxon Edward's stops moving and shoots his enraged and storming bold eyes right onto me, only staring at my face not bothering to say another word for what feels like forever. Finally he breaks the silence between us. ''Sasha,'' He cautiously mumbles, walking up to me and gently taking my face between his warm hands, but no matter how much I will myself to push him away I can't. My skin is tingling beneath his touch and butterflies instantly fill my stomach, and I find it difficult to breathe.
"Don't..." I softly whisper, but he doesn't release me.
"'You don't think I care about you? You don't think
I care about how you feel?''
I slowly shake my head giving him what he wants... honesty. ''No,'' I whisper. ''You've never show that you care about me. I know that I'm basically 'yours' right now since I'm your Sub, but you can't expect me to take this so easy, because I've never done this before. I'm not like all of the other fourteen or however many females you've been with. I'm not anything like them! You need to understand that yeah, maybe I don't know how to be the perfect Sub to you, but I'm trying--''
''I do care about you. So much,'' He races out completely interrupting me but from the touching and emotional look now overtaking his face I happen to let it go. ''More than the others... They don't matter anymore. They never did. They never meant anything to me, they were nothing special, but you,'' Jaxon stops talking and silently stares at my confusion filled eyes.
''I'm what?'' I urge him on, my voice slightly cracking. He closes his mouth and doesn't say anything, and from the puzzled and stunned look on his face I know that whatever is on his mind is really bothering him. He looks miserable, before his eyes brighten.
''Just like the first night I met you and got into my car, I
knew that you were different. I wanted to have you so
bad, don't you remember? I don't know what it even was, to be
completely truthful with you, but all I knew was I didn't want to
let you leave. You're one complicated woman, Ms. Pierce, one
outspoken and difficult person.''
''I could say the same to you,'' I carefully say, taking a quick breath as his eyes drop down to glance at my lips, which takes me by surprise. Once he continues to stay quiet is when slight fear consumes me, because it reminds me of how he kissed me that many times on my face earlier when he thought I was sleeping in bed. He's such a confusing man... I just wish he'd tell me how he truly feels.
His hands loosen against my cheeks, and I reach up and lightly wrap my hands around his wrists, and his gaze finally returns to my big brown eyes. ''If you don't want to have kinky sex for a while, then I'll respect that. I wan't have you any way that's possible, Sasha.''
He guardedly explains to me, and I look at him in shock, because I know what's coming next. ''Even if it's just plain vanilla.'' I softly question, and a slight grin plays at his lips.
''Yes,'' He slowly answers. ''Even if it's just plain
vanilla." And finally, Jaxon Edwards is showing me his soft side,
he's showing me that he does care about me. Maybe not in a
romantic way like I think I feel about him, but at least he's
giving me some respect. "But I need you to understand that it
can't stay that way for these entire three months. It won't, I'm
telling you. And I'm still your Dom and you will listen to what I
say and you won't break the rules. If you don't wan't to be
punished, then don't go against the rules specifically stated in
the contract we both signed. You're still all mine, Sasha. I'll
go much easier on you but you have to put yourself in my shoes as
well and realize that I've never had any problems with anyone
else like I do with you, so this is difficult for me too.''
Our special moment coms to an end and my heart pounds rapidly. I turn my head and pull myself away from him, walking away and heading towards the door until he pushes past me and stops right before me, which blocks me from going anywhere. ''Jaxon please just leave me alone. Just go away for one second, I need my space!'' I snap at him, hating how he just dramatically changed from nice and understanding to his dominating-self once again.
''No! Where the hell do you think you're going?'' He orders for me to answer, beginning to get upset and lose his temper until his eyes immediately widen and he gazes at my face with concern. Now is the moment when he realizes he just proved my point. He'll never change.
He will never show me that he cares. He can't be who I want him to be. He won't change his ways for anyone, not even me. Who on earth am I kidding? I need to get out of here.
''Damnit," he scolds himself in a deep breath. Jaxon stays
silent and motionless before me, and it's at least ten seconds
before he speaks. "What can I do to make you feel better right
now, Sasha?'' Jaxon quietly asks, dropping his head while closing
his eyes, no longer daring to look at me. He looks so guilty and
upset with himself so I decide to be gentle as I can to avoid
''Let me leave,'' I honestly answer, barely any sound to my voice.
"Okay,'' Is all he says, right away, and he doesn't even give me one last look before he turns around. I watch him as he quickly walks down the long hallway, until the moment he disappears through a doorway and he loudly slams his door.
He actually let me go...
With so many thoughts running through my mind I nearly run to
my room, not having the slightest idea about what's going on and
how it went so wrong. After I find a pretty dress to wear I
change from my nightgown and I find a pair of the shortest black
high heels that I can find in the closet. I fix my hair and do my
makeup, wanting to look the best that I can because I have
absolutely no clue to where I'm going. Once I'm all ready I rush
down the staircase and want to get out of this house as soon as
possible, but the second I open the front door is when something
In the driveway is a white limo, and I am entirely stunned and surprised by this. While getting ready Mr. Edward's must have called their company and had them come here to pick me up,and even though that very thoughtful of him I still can't get over what happened. I close the huge front door behind me and make my way down the steps, and the second I scoot inside I see a woman driver sitting up in the front looking through the small window. Of course, it's a female instead of a male.
''Hello, Ms. Pierce. Mr. Edwards told me to escort you to whereever you would like to go. I'll be your driver for today,'' She formally and politely tells me, and I finally get to release the deep breath that I've been holding in forever.
''Hi, um, you can just call me Sasha.''
''As you wish. Where would you like to go, Sasha?'' I go into deep thought and as soon as I remember that I have no clue what is even around here and I obviously have nobody else that I can go to for some love and advice, I stare out the tinted window and emotionally gaze up at Jaxon's beautiful and amazing house.
And I quietly reply, ''Anywhere.''
For the entire day we drive around and go sight seeing, driving anywhere she happens to take me and unfortunately nothing distracts me. I can't stop thinking about this handsome and flawless man, and even though he's amazingly attractive, wealthy, and successful, just knowing that he lives this dark lifestyle is really messing with my head.
Driving around for countless amount of hours all the way until it turns to night outside, I've come to the fact that I am getting feelings for Jaxon. They're strong and overpowering and they're controlling me in a way I've never been controled before. I don't like the way the way they make me feel and most of all I hate how he doesn't even seem to care about me at all. If he did truly care for me and cared about my wellbeing and feelings then he would stop being so cruel.
It's a painful realization knowing that someone that you honestly do care about just doesn't feel the same way about you, so it's been a very long and tiring day for me. I know now from thinking about everything ever since this morning that I'm leaving, and I'm finally going to go back home... where I belong. After thanking the limo driver for staying with me for basically the entire day I slowly make my way up the front steps, staring intently at the door and stopping when I'm a few feet away from it.
My head is clear and I know exactly what to say and how to tell him that the deal no longer matters to me, and I have so much courage that it's such a great feeling. Finally I know that I'm back in control of myself and nobody can change who I am. Nobody can ever have this much power over me again.
I immediately push it open and step inside, never feeling so brave in my whole life. Everything around me is perfectly silent the moment I step inside and it gives me a very confused and uneasy feeling, but I shut the door behind me and carefully make my way further inside his incredible mansion that I'm definitely going to miss. My heels click against the wooden floor until I make it to the living room to the the fire and I notice how big the red scorching flames are.
Looking around trying to figure out where he is I can't help but feel worried in a strange way because I'm thinking that maybe he's the one who left me and he couldn't take having me here anymore. This assumption enrages me and I can't help but release an angry breath before all of a sudden something wraps tightly around my arm and I'm unexpectedly pushed right up against the wall.
''Jaxon!'' I exclaim in pure shock, and he's standing right before me as I helplessly try to push him away but he's far too strong, so I can't. ''Let me go! What are you doing?!''
''Something I should have done a long time
His answer is bold and straight forward, and he pushes the front of his body closer to mine, pressing my back even tighter to the wall as I gasp from the slight pain. Out of nowhere, finally what he has said to me registers in my brain and I realize exactly what he means. Our faces are only inches away from each other and he stares passionately into my stunned and anxious eyes while my heart falls inside my chest. He lets out a groan before he gently takes my face between his firm warm hands and then he lightly presses his lips against mine.