Chapter 13: Almost the end to both of us
When I woke up, Clementine was sitting in a chair two or three feet from me. The chair was faced the other way but she was facing me. She had a beer bottle and a pack of cigarettes right next to her feet. She had a lit one in between her middle and index finger. She stared at me as she rested her chin on the back of the chair.
"Clementine," I whispered. "Please…I need my kids."
"You're not miss shit talker now are you?" She asked in that same dead voice.
I hate having to reason with her but I need my kids. I live for them just like I'd die for them.
"Where's my dad?" I asked.
"My mom is taking care of him."
Whoa…what the hell does that mean?
"Please let us go."
"You were going to come here to kill me. Weren't you?"
"No! I was going to scare you into giving me my kids back. Clementine, they are only two. I have Ana inside of me. Please….do not do this."
Clementine ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "It's been two months since I've had my meds. For my sickness. I've never felt more alive. More bold. Since I heard that Tristan died, you have no idea what I've wanted to do to you since. And I'm going to do it. Because you deserve it."
"I deserve it?"
"Yeah, you do. You're the reason Tristan is dead. And then you start fucking his best friend and you have kids by him. You don't see anything wrong with that?"
"Yes! When I started doing it, it was awkward as hell. But I had to move on. Tristan has done bad shit to me. You can't even imagine. I'm not the reason he's dead. He's the reason he's dead."
Clementine scoffed. "What has he done that was so bad?"
"He tried to get me pregnant against my will. He took my birth control pills out of my suit case on our honeymoon.
He raped me.
He killed my mom and he put me in a coma. I was pregnant at the time so he took that away from me also. All of that happens and you still defend him. A dead guy.
I always knew he was bad."
"If you knew he was bad, why the fuck would you stay with him?"
"I loved him."
"I love him too but I still left."
"You were going to come back." I said. Clementine sighed and rubbed her forehead, tears swelling up in her eyes. "I know that you and your dad and Tristan's friends think I'm crazy for being all over him even after four years but…" She shuts her eyes. "I was so messed up. Him hitting me wasn't the only reason I left him."
She opened her eyes, mascara ran down her cheeks.
"I miscarried his baby." She whispered.
"I was scared to tell him about the baby. That I was pregnant because he seemed to like me but he also seemed disgusted with me. I never told him about the baby. But I was happy to have his child because I love him. He made me happier than I've ever been. One day we were arguing about something stupid. I think I said something wrong and he got so mad at me. I begged him not to hit me…..and he didn't. He pushed me down my wooden stairs instead." She scoffed and laughed softly even as the tears poured more profusely. She took another hit of the cigarette and shut her eyes as the smoke surrounded her tiny figure. "And till this day……till this day….I fucking love him. I don't want to live without him. I can't. I refuse to. I was so jealous when you came into my store. That ring…..that dress….you. It was all too perfect and I knew that it was what Tristan had wanted."
"What did he want?"
"Someone tough. A challenge. You were just a challenge. He saw you coming a mile away, Jenna. And him toying with you as he did costed him his life."
"I didn't shoot him." I said shaking my head.
Clementine sniffed. "It doesn't fucking matter anymore. It's so cold." I think at first she's talking about the room until she looks down at the floor. "Without him, I've felt…..nothing. Even when he was alive, I always felt somewhat warm and now that feelings gone and I have nothing left to live for."
"How could you say that? You're living."
"Living? This is what you call living? I've been depressed for months, Jennacia. Its been years he's been dead but it still hurts like a fresh wound that never heals. He was the only thing that kept me sane. I hardly needed my meds when I was around him."
"Are you taking them now?"
"The day I heard about what happened, I stopped." She whispered.
"That's dangerous." I said.
She nodded. "So am I."
I attempt to crawl over to her. "Clementine, please. I need my dad and my kids. I need them….please."
"If I can do to you what you did to Tristan," She put the cigarette out on the wooden chair. "I'd let them go."
"I didn't kill him."
"Who did then? Huh? Who the fuck killed him?"
"It wasn't me." I whispered.
Clementine stared at me. "It was your dad wasn't it?" She asked. I shook my head.
"No. Don't lie to me."
"Clementine, Tristan controlled you when he was alive. Why are you letting him effect you when he's dead?"
"I love him. If I can dig up his grave and apologize in person, I would because I owe him that. If I would have never left him, he would still be alive."
"If he wouldn't have ever pushed you down the stairs, then he'd still be alive."
She shook her head and wiped her tears.
"Where are my kids?" I whispered.
"They're gone." She whispered back crying again.
"What the hell does that mean?" I asked.
Clementine cried out loudly. "I'm sorry…." She cried.
"What did you do? What the fuck did you do?!" I asked. Tears burst out of my eyes.
Clementine buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry." She whispered.
"Where are they?"
"In my car. In the trunk." She whispered. I stared at her. Calm down. Calm down. I shut my eyes and try to gather myself. "D.O.A?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I'm scared to look."
"You're scared to look? You fucking bitch." I get up and I charge at her knocking her and the chair down. I land on her and a sharp pain rips through me from my abdomen. I cried out and she pushed me off of her. I place my hand on my stomach and began breathing hard. Oh what the hell is happening?
She grabs her robe, reaches in the pockets and bring out a gun.. Panic shoots through me as I try to slide away on my back. And as I'm sliding back, look down on the floor and I'm leaving a trail of blood. I stopped and looked up at Clementine.
She's staring down at the blood. "Another baby dead." She whispered.
My heart crushed at the very thought. "Please don't." I whispered.
Clementine leaned against the wall. "It won't make me feel better. I thought it would but…." She began sobbing hard. Until she turned red and her sobbing turned to screaming.
She slid to the floor and curled up in a ball.
She said something indistinctively.
"What?" I asked.
She looked at me. "I rather let you live and you live with the fact that just about everyone you love is dead than kill you myself." She whispered.
Another sharp pain rips through my abdomen and I gasped and rocked to my side holding my stomach.
"Your mom, your dad, your kids….Then what will you have left? People who is apart of your blood and are all gone. And it's all your fault."
Squeezing my eyes tight, I whispered her name.
I open my eyes to look at her face.
"I'm glad to go. I can be with Tristan while you stay here with Nate and your miserable fucking life." She whispered.
"Shut up. I can't think when you talk." The squeezed the handle of the gun.
"Put the gun down." I whispered.
"Shut up!" She aimed it at me and pulled the trigger. It hit my arm and I cried out and held it with my hand. Gasping and sobbing, I try to scoot away.
"There." She whispers and lean her head against the wall. "There." She whispers again.
She shuts her eyes and bang her back against the wall.
She put the gun to her forehead, her eyes still closed, her head still banging against the wall. "There." She whispers again. And suddenly, too fast, it happened.
I didn't hear the shot nor did I see it, all I can see now was her laying on the floor and a puddle of blood spilling out. Pooling around me.
I try to slide away but I stopped when a gush of water spilled out of me.
Oh shit. Oh no.
"Dad!!!" I cry out.
There's no answer.
"Dad!!!!" I call out again.
Another sharp pain. I gasp and tense up. I'm so scared to move. Okay…what do I do? What do I do?
I couldn't think straight. There was pain in my arm and my abdomen. I hoped my baby was okay. I hoped all my babies were okay.
I slid over to Clementine and tore a piece of fabric from her dress and wrapped it around my arm. Well….tried. It kept falling and I just left it alone. I slid against a wall and began crying as I felt a sharper pain and I cried out.
I think I have to do this. I don't think I have a choice. Gasping from the pain, I pulled my shorts down as far as I could. I can't believe this is happening. I'm only seven months. This is too soon.
Sniffing, I pulled my panties down and used my feet to get them all the way down and off. More blood spilled out and I covered my face with my hands. It was too painful to look at.
I breathed and looked around the room.
Above me was a sharp large piece of wood. There were too on both sides of me and they were high.
I gasp as another wave of pain hit me almost making me want to pass out. I placed my hand on my stomach.
"Mommy's sorry." I whispered.
I had the urge to push but I was scared. I knew there was something wrong with the baby.
I'm just scared Ana may be dead.