~Author's Note: So sorry this chapter is short. I'll try to make my chapters longer for now on.
Chapter 9: Won't act on my feelings
I was staring at my therapist, Dr. Shrewster. His legs were crossed and he was dressed in a pair of gray slacks and a brown turtleneck. His brown hair was slicked back with gel and he wore black wire-rimmed glasses over his brown eyes.
This is the man who knows all of my secrets.
We sat in silence.
I didn't know where to start.
"It's been a while, Peyton."
I nod, sliding my hands along the arm of the leather couch I was sitting on. "I know."
"What's been new in your life?"
I pause, debating rather or not if I should mention Lukas.
"Florence came to my house yesterday. Florence Meadow."
Shrewster looked surprised. "She hasn't come to my office in two years. How did it feel having her around?"
"Um…odd. Normally we'd hit it off right away but it felt awkward.
Her knowing about me in detail…it scared her."
"Your story is not pretty, Peyton. But you don't have to assume that everyone you tell will run away. You've told me about it and I'm still here."
"Yeah, because its your job and you're getting paid to hear
"Peyton, hiding yourself from the world will not help anything."
"I'm not hiding." I cross my legs.
"Tell me about your love-life. Did you meet anyone new?"
I twisted my mouth and shrugged.
"I'm guessing its not going well."
"I slept with a guy and he witnessed me while I was having a nightmare."
Shrewster raised his brows. "You woken up next to him after a
I nod. "I was hysterical and embarrassed, and scared…and fucking angry. I snapped and went home. I haven't seen him since."
"Okay, lets talk about him."
"I rather not."
"Peyton, you do this every session. You come here but you don't want to talk."
I take a deep breath. Shrewster was right. "His name is Lukas
Shrewter looked surprised which is a rare look on his aging face. "CEO of the Element. What brought on your relationship?"
I shake my head. "Don't call it that. It's far from a relationship. It was just sex and then I freaked out because of the nightmare I had and I left. But…"
I looked down to the carpet. "He held me while I was crying and I…"
"I liked it." I admitted.
"You have feelings for him." Shrewster said.
My eyes met his in that moment and he nodded, assuring me.
I would have protested but I knew and he knew that he was telling the truth.
"Okay," I shrugged. "So I have feelings for him."
"How does he feel?"
"I don't know. But if you read up about him, you'd see that he is a bachelor that fucks any and everything. Yet he says he's different."
"Yet you don't believe him."
I shake my head. "You know, even if I do have feelings for him, I can never make him…like my boyfriend or anything. He's just not that type of guy."
"What if he was to ask you to be in a relationship with him, what
would you say?"
I hesitated. Knowing how he is and what his goal in women are, I could never be with him. "I'd say no. Regardless of how I feel, I know what's better for me and Kary is not it."
"You want someone whose going to accept you…including your past.
You don't think he can handle it."
I shake my head. "If he was to learn about it, I think he would be…disgusted with me." I admitted.
"Disgusted because your stepfather forced you into a sexual act beyond your control?"
I nod. "It sounds stupid but-"
"I'm not here to tell you how you should feel or whether or not Lukas Kary is the right choice for you. That's not my job. I recommend you taking some time for yourself to find out what you want. If you come to find that what you want is Lukas Kary, then take slow steps to building toward a relationship."
"And what if he doesn't want one?"
"Then separate yourself from him. Only you can control the connection you have to him. I can't control it for you."
I nod. "I'll think about that. And I also think that I need pills
to help me sleep."
He nods. "I'll fill in a prescription for you and you can pick it up by Saturday."
Me and Florence were having lunch after my therapy
"Tight ass as always but he made some good points earlier about
Florence put down her taco and wiped her mouth as she stared at me.
"What is it with you and him?"
"Nothing. My dad's having a party for sponsoring a charity that Kary started and he wants me to go there to support him. Want to come?"
Florence shook her head. "You know I'm not good in big
"Right. I forgot."
"So, is he going to be there?"
"I'm more than sure."
"And what's your plan?"
"He's been ignoring me so I'm going to do the same. Shrewster said if I wanted to build a relationship to Lukas, then take slow steps. That's going to be impossible to do so the only time I acknowledge him is when he's talking about something important like my father. That's the only thing that connects us."
Florence smiled. "Other than you two banged."
I roll my eyes. "Why does that have to keep coming up?"
"Because from what I'm hearing, every girl and even a few guys are all over him. And you got him."
"Had him. And only for a night. So we're moving on."
"Fine. Want to go shop for a sexy dress?"
The dinner was tomorrow and from what I hear, the place will be smaller and more formal, and Lukas will be there.
I wasn't going to cancel but I just wasn't prepared to see him again.
Two hours later I had a beautiful cream colored dress and a pair
of gold heels.
Florence had a hell of a good taste.
Hopefully tomorrow, everything will be fine and me and Kary won't have to even talk to each other.