~Chapter 7: Nightmare
"Mom!" I cried as my stepfather's weight crushed me in the darkness of my room. His hand smacked harshly against my mouth as he whispered threats in my ear. Harsh, excruciating threats about what he'll do to me and my mom if I ever told.
The pain was excruciating. I was little, not knowing why something so harsh and hateful was happening to me.
His weight completely covered me and I couldn't breathe. I was pinned tightly to my bed, being taken advantage of while my mother went on sleeping.
I couldn't scream for her or beg for her to help me from her husband, because if I did, he'd kill us both.
My name was being called and I was being shaken awake and I sat
up quickly, sobbing and unable to shake the nightmare from my
Lukas brought me to his bare chest and whispered 'shh' gently.
I squeezed my eyes shut as he held me and began to slowly rock me back and forth.
I couldn't stop at first, the tears came so fresh, so easily that it was hard not to cry, but as I laid in Lukas's arms, I found myself calming down. My body still shook from fear and hatred but I was mentally calm.
The best part of this moment is that he didn't ask any questions
about my nightmare.
I feel that he felt either I wouldn't tell him, or it got me so scared that he wouldn't want to hear it.
I took deep breaths, trying to calm my body down as he continued to rock me.
I sniffled and slowly opened my eyes. They went to the window
which showed that it was still night time.
I never make it through a full night of sleep. I haven't for years.
I swallowed, wetting my dry throat and wiped my teary eyes.
When I did, Lukas's index finger and thumb went to my chin. He lifted my chin up so I'd look into his green eyes.
His expression was unreadable. But he didn't look like he was
angry that I invaded his sleeping.
"I'm sorry." I whispered.
He didn't answer.
I scurried from his bed and I turned to look at him. "I should
go." My voice was raspy.
"I can't bring you into my shit. You got what you wanted,
I walked over and grabbed my blue dress from the floor and slid it back on.
Lukas got out of bed and stepped in front of me. "Why are you running?"
"I'm not running. You saw what just happened? I have to deal with that shit every night. And we won't know each other for very long so there's no point in filling you in on why I have nightmares."
He sat down on the foot of his bed, his naked body glorious even
in the darkness. "What, you think you're the only one in this
room who has nightmares?"
"Are they reflecting on your past?"
He nods slowly. "But do I run from it? No."
"Lukas, you're obviously the strong of the two of us. And I can guarantee that what you've dealt with is not as bad as what I've dealt with."
He tilted his head, his green eyes becoming darker with
irritation. "And how the fuck would you know that?"
I didn't know it. I just hoped it wasn't. For some reason, the thought of someone dare doing to him what was done to me is unbearable in my mind.
"Get back to bed." He demanded.
I shook my head. "I normally stay up from four to the rest of the day until night time again."
He raised his eyebrow.
I nod to assure him.
"Then just lay down."
I blink at him. I didn't want to fall back into sleep again. Sometimes it was as bad as me trying to scratch my skin in my sleep, trying to pry my step dad's fingers off of me.
I 'm glad it hadn't happened tonight.
I sighed sharply. "I can't. I'm going to call Justin and ask for
a ride home."
Lukas ran his hands through his hair and sighed in irritation. "You don't have to do that."
"Yes I do. You don't get it, Lukas. You just don't get it." I turned and grabbed my purse from the couch and grabbed my phone out of it.
"I'm pretty sure I would. But you do what you want, Peyton. I'm
not going to stop you."
"Good. I don't want you to." I dialed Justin's number and he answered sleepily.
"I'm so sorry I'm calling you this late."
"Girl, its four thirteen in the morning but what's up?"
"I would buy you breakfast, lunch and dinner tomorrow if you come pick me up right now."
"Sure. What happened?" I hear him shifting around, pulling
"Just get here. It's a penthouse at-"
"Everyone knows where Kary lives. You know he has millions of stalkers."
Yeah he does. His life is complicated, and so is mine, which is why I want to leave. I didn't want him to see this side of me, scared, fucked-up, and confused. The nightmares make me still feel like a little girl on the inside and I can't take it.
After I hung up with Justin, I fixed my hair in the mirror, and
through the mirror I see that Lukas looks both irritated and
Neither of us speak and I feel our intensely sexual connection slip away every passing second. I feel the coldness of the room now and I didn't like it.
"Am I going to see you again?" he asks.
I shrugged my shoulders.
I didn't have to look at his face to tell that he didn't like that answer.
I didn't either. I wanted to see him now. I wanted to rip this dress off and lay back down and cuddle with him…well…he probably wouldn't cuddle but just being near him brought this electric charge to my body and I liked that feeling. And it was there now, just not in a sexual matter.
"I guess we're too different."
"Or the exact same and that's what scares you." Lukas said.
I turn to look at him.
"Us being the same will never work." He shakes his head. "Thanks for wasting my time, Peyton."
Way to bring up your asshole attitude out of nowhere.
Way to throw it right at me when I'm my most vulnerable at the moment.
"I'm glad you caught on, Lukas."
I walked over and grabbed my heels over by the window.
Justin texted me that he was outside.
I looked over to Lukas who was looking back at me, the moon shining on half of his face, and darkening the other half.
I couldn't tell what his expression read, and at the moment, I felt bad I was leaving him in the middle of the night like this. But I didn't want to drag him into my bullshit. He didn't deserve that.
He said nothing as I grabbed my purse, walked out of his bedroom and made my way downstairs and to the elevator.
The whole situation just was a big mistake. And I realized that now. Maybe if I wouldn't have spent the night, things would have been different. I was aware I was going to have a nightmare. I should have just gone home afterwards but I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay here with him.
The elevator took me down to the lobby and I walked out of the
Justin's car was parked out in the front. I walked over to the passenger side. I opened the door, throw my purse and heels onto the floor and slid into the car.
I shut the door and looked to Justin.
He looked sleepy. He was dressed in a pair of house shoes, pajama
pants and a jacket. His blue eyes stayed on mine. "What did he
I shake my head. "He didn't do anything. Just get us out of here."
Justin nods and takes off.
We're quiet all the way home. I was too sleepy to talk and anyway I need to be focused on my interview for my job that dad got me.
I don't understand why I would need an interview if I already have the job but I wasn't going to stress about it. I've been in this situation before. Hopefully it can distract me from Lukas.
When we got home, I shut the door and locked it.
"Hey, you want to talk about it after a few more hours of sleep?" he asked.
I shake my head. "I'm not going back to sleep." I said.
Justin dropped to the couch. "What did that idiot do to
"I just told you it wasn't him. It was me."
"So you two didn't get it in?"
I nod. "We did but that's not even what's wrong."
"Then what's wrong?"
"I had a nightmare while I was in bed with him and…it was just…so embarrassing and hateful and I should have stayed but I couldn't. I couldn't plague him with my past, Justin."
Justin sat up and nodded. "I get it. I think you should go back
to your therapist, Peyton. Seriously."
I nod. "I'm going to set up an appointment."
Justin nodded. "Look, if you need some sleeping pills to help you sleep through the night, I have some in my bathroom."
I nod. "Yeah I'll take one."
Justin stood and went to his room.
I dropped my heels in the corner and my purse on the coffee table.
Justin came back with a white pill in his hand. He gave it to me and I studied it before balling my fist over it.
"Need me to stay up until you make it to sleep?"
I shook my head. "No. Go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you."
"It's alright. I'll be looking forward to my breakfast."
I nod sending him my most laziest smile.
He kisses my cheek before leaving to go back to his room.
I went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water before heading
to my room for the night.
I took the pill and washed it down before setting the empty glass on the nightstand.
I laid down and covered my body with my comforter.
I felt like I was trapped in an abyss of hate, pain, and even darkness. All because of him. The day my mother brought me back into her home after taking me from my father, I didn't know exactly that there was something off about her husband, but something in his face expression said that he didn't like that I was living with them. I believe he wanted my mother to himself and if I was coming back into her home, he'd have to share her with me.
I grabbed my pillow and squeezed it really tight and squeezed my
eyes shut. There were times where I wanted to scream my anger and
my pain into my pillow. There were times where I wanted to
scratch my skin off because I felt dirty…used…and everything in
between. I still feel this way.
All I wanted to do was cry. But I refused. I refused to give my mother's husband the fucking satisfaction.