~Chapter 35: Ready or not?
"Hi, I'm Alex, off duty." Alex held her hand out for me. I smiled at her and shook her hand. It was odd, having the woman who helped with my miscarriage in my home, but Justin liked her. So I had to be cool with it.
She stood in the middle of my kitchen as I was making chicken stir fry for the three of us.
Justin watched her from across the room as he chugged a beer. He
seemed uneasy since he's gotten here.
"Take your shoes off. Make yourself at home." I said.
She grins and pulls her jacket off. "Okay and where's the bathroom?"
"First door on the left."
"Okay, thanks." She slips her flats off as she makes her way out of the kitchen.
I look to Justin. "She's really hot."
Justin nods and puts his beer down. "Yeah, she is, I guess." He says dryly.
I narrow my eyes.
I turn the fire down after mixing the rice and look to him. "Okay, what's the problem?"
He sighs and leans his head against the refrigerator.
"Justin, say it now before she comes back in."
He looks to me, a disgusted look on his face. "It's just
My eyes widened and I fought back my laughter. Yet I couldn't fight it hard enough. "Um…What?"
"The girl asked me to go down on her the other night and it was
the most traumatizing thing ever."
I chuckle. "How? You've went down on me without a problem."
"Yeah, because you weren't…hairy."
What was he talking about-oh….. "Really?"
He nods. "Peyton, it's a fucking jungle down there. I kid you not."
I cover my face with my hands and break down in laughter. Oh god. Justin and his stories about his chicks. I love them!
I take my hands from my face and turn to stir my stir-fry before
turning the fire off.
"It's not really funny."
"Justin, haven't you notice that you found something wrong with every girl you get your hands on? 'Oh she has big feet, or one boob's bigger than the other, or she has a hairy pussy.' It's always something with you. You ever notice that?"
"Well every girl I fuck with has a flaw that stands out way too much. I mean, I know nobody's perfect and someone is always born with a tail, an extra finger, or a third nipple but for once, I need someone regular."
"Dude, if you want my advice, just tell her, her jungle makes you
"You don't tell a girl that, she get's all defensive and embarrassed. I mean I'm a heartbreaker but that doesn't make me heartless."
"Then your problem will never get fixed." I took down three bowls for us all.
"I think I'm going to just dump her."
I grimace as I look to him. "Because of a little hair problem?" I asked.
I cluck my tongue. "So disappointed. You seemed really into this girl and because of something completely natural, you don't want to mess with her anymore."
He sighs. "It's not just that, Peyton."
"Then what is it?" I asked filling the bowls.
I put the pan down and look to him. "What do you mean?"
He takes another swig of his beer before walking over to sit at the table. He looks up at me. "I'm not monogamous. Never will be. I can't just go from being a bachelor, to being in a happy committed relationship like your precious Kary. I don't work like that. So if I fuck seven different girls in one week, so be it. I'm still Justin. I'm still your best friend."
I lean against the stove watching him. I've been pushing again. I
promised myself I'd let Justin do him, but I also wanted him to
find someone he can bare his fucking soul to….like I found.
But if this really makes him happy, I should just let him do what he wants. "You're right. I'm sorry."
He nods. "S'okay."
Alex comes back into the kitchen. "What's the topic of discussion?" She asks.
Me and Justin look to one another and then to her. "We…were just talking about…how beautiful your hair is." I lie.
She smiles. "Oh thank you. Mind if I get a beer from the fridge?"
She goes to the fridge as I walk over to Justin. I lean into his ear. "Tell her if you want to end it. Don't string her along, dick." I slapped the back of his head and walked away.
"Ow!" He rubs his head as I go back to the bowls.
Alex turns her beer cap off and looks to Justin in confusion.
After I'm done serving the food, we all sit around the table in
the kitchen and eat.
Alex goes into a full essay dialogue about her job at the hospital and how she was scared when I had the miscarriage because of all the blood and how much pain I seemed to be in. Oddly as she brings up the memory, it doesn't effect me like it would have four weeks ago.
I'm just thankful that I lived through the shit and little Lukas or Peyton Jr. is in heaven.
I smile at the thought and resume eating my food.
"So how long have you and Justin known one another?" She
"Since my freshmen year in college, he was pretty damn annoying. Like he still is now." I said playfully glaring at him.
He grins and flips me the bird. I catch it and put it in my pocket.
Justin looks to Alex and smiles at her. I know he's going to
break up with her, and I should respect that. She seems like a
good girl but I know how Justin is, and I know he wants more. He
wants girls. A lot of them. I just want his future to play out
right and for him not to go through the hell I had to to find out
what I want, or what was the best for me.
I just want him to find his happiness. And I'll be right by his side until he does.
I knocked on the door to Shrewster's office.
The door opened and he looked surprised to see me. "Peyton."
I smile at him. "Hi."
He doesn't smile but he looks relieved that I'm here. "Come in." He steps aside as I walk into his office. He had his stuff packed up and his coat on.
"Were you leaving?"
He nods. "Yeah, the husband's waiting for me, but for you, he can wait on. He'll understand." Shrewster says as he shuts the door.
I sit down on the couch in my usual spot and he sits in his chair. He stares at me.
"I know it's been over three months since the last time I saw
"I've been worried. I called your dad, and he told me you were in an 'Isolation' phase. I didn't know what he meant but I didn't question."
"A lot of bullshit happened, and I lost…some people."
"Is Kary one of those people?"
I nod. "Yeah, he is."
"You broke up with him?"
"It's more of a separation. And this separation has been going on for a month and a half now."
"Why the separation?"
"Because of baggage. Partially because of baggage. I felt like I was drowning in the relationship because things got to be so intense, I had to back out for a little bit. But I never said we actually broke up. I just needed a break."
Shrewster nods. "He came to see me."
What? "Lukas came to see you?"
He nods. "He's been wondering if you were seeing me and I said no. Next thing you know, he wants to schedule an appointment. I'm all for it. He comes the following week and our whole session was about his past."
My eyebrows raise. "He actually…opened up to you?"
He nods. "There were some things he left out, but I pretty much understand his reasoning for building walls. He was raped just like you were, but at a younger age, by someone he trusted."
I nod. "Yeah. I couldn't bear to hear it when he told me. It was so painful. It was like…listening to the most awful thing that makes your stomach turn, and your head spin. It made me feel sick. But I listened because I love him. Just like he listened to my story, because he loved me."
"You two have completely let the other in. Just like you said you
I smile. "We did."
"You never thought you would?"
"To him? No. Not in the beginning at least. Me and Lukas were supposed to only be sex. Just sex, and then the more time we spent together, the more we fell. The more we cared." I take a deep breath and look to glance out the window at the falling of the wet snow. "And you were right."
"About what?" He asked.
I looked to him. "About me and him moving fast. I knew it was a mistake. I should have listened to you and slowed things down, and been more mature, more attentive. And had I done that, I would have never had a baby, or lost it."
Shrewster took his glasses off and stared into my eyes. "I'm very
I nod my head. "Thank you."
He gives me an apologetic smile.
"Thank you." I say again.
I scoot forward in my seat. "You helped me since I was twelve. You helped me so much. More than you could ever know. When I thought no one understood me, you just got me, instantly. You helped me understand that it wasn't my fault, and it wouldn't effect my future. You were right."
He smiles. "I always believed in you. I always knew you'd grow up to be a beautiful, successful woman who'd find herself and whatever else she wanted in life."
I stood up, and he stood up too. I hugged him tightly.
I knew therapist and patient was supposed to have a professional relationship but who cares? Shrewster was a second dad to me, and I loved him.
When I pull away, I look up at him.
"So now, Peyton, my question to you is, are you ready to go back
I nod my head confidently. "I'm ready to go back to Lukas."