~Chapter 29: No fairy tale ending
My eyes opened. I could see from the window that it was still night time outside.
My stomach turned.
I sat up and placed my hand against my stomach, hoping to calm it down.
After a few seconds, I knew something was going to come up. I pulled the sheets from my body and slipped out of the bed.
I walked to the bathroom, shut the door and dropped to my knees
in front of the toilet. I lifted the lid up and waited.
I closed my eyes, hoping it'd all come up soon.
I hated this feeling more than anything.
Fuck. It was coming up. I leaned over the toilet and ended up vomiting all of the food from earlier that day.
My stomach jumped violently as I emptied all of the contents into
Tears trailed from my eyes, and down my cheeks. It went on for a while before I was done. I spit any left over taste into the toilet and flushed it.
I sat back on my knees and wiped my tears from my eyes.
I look up to see Lukas in the doorway.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded as I wiped my cheeks. "Just the flu maybe and stress."
He walks into the bathroom and sits on the floor with me. He feels my forehead and then my cheek. I rest my face in his hand and close my eyes.
"You feel clammy."
"Come on. I'll get you back to bed and get you some water."
I nod my head and stand up.
He stands with me and before I could register what was happening,
I was scooped up in his arms. I smile at him as he carries me
back into the bedroom.
My hands caress his muscles. I love how strong he is.
He brings me to the bed and gently lays me down on it.
I keep the covers from my body as Lukas walks out of the room.
I turn onto my side.
I can't put it off anymore. I need to go buy a test.
But I was scared of the obvious.
A moment later, Lukas came back into the room with a glass of ice
I sat up and he gave it to me.
I drunk half of the glass before putting it down on the table beside the bed.
Lukas got into bed with me.
I nod. "Yeah. Just…tired."
I scooted closer to him and Lukas slid his arm beneath my body
and wrapped it around me to pull me closer to him. Our legs
tangled in one anothers, and I fell back into a deep sleep.
Rather than taking a test, I decided to go to the doctor. I need to make sure that aside from the possibility of the obvious, that everything else with me is okay so that if the 'obvious' is true, I'd know that I'm completely healthy.
I was sitting on the padded bed with a hideous paper gown on,
looking down at the tile floor as I swung my feet. The room was
cold and it made me feel uncomfortable.
I never liked hospitals.
The door opened and my doctor walked in. She was a beautiful
woman with long strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes. She was
slim yet busty.
She smiled at me. "Hi, Peyton."
She shut the door and grabbed a stool from the corner. She rolled
it in front of me and sat down.
"So we did the pregnancy test and…it was positive."
I dropped my head into my hands. I seen it coming. This whole time I just didn't want it to be true. The whole reason I didn't want this to happen is because one, I'm not ready to be a mother. I have so much growing up to do. I want to focus on my career and be able to take care of myself before having to take care another human being.
The second reason is because of Lukas.
Me and Lukas were one person. We're together, basically husband and wife, according to him. But we never talked about the possibility of a baby.
I lifted my head up and toyed with my necklace, rolling the
decorative 'P' on the chain.
"Are you surprised?" She asked.
I shake my head. "Not really." I muttered.
"You don't look excited either."
I shrugged. "I'm not excited about it at all. I just have some things to think about."
"I understand. That's how it was with my first daughter. I wasn't going to have her but the more reality kicked in, the more I fell in love with her. Now she's six and the center of…everything."
"How do you handle it all?"
"It's not easy but if you really love your kid, you'll find a way to make it work."
I registered this for a moment. Will Lukas be angry when he finds out about the baby? Will he still want me?
It won't just be us anymore. They'll be a third party.
The more and more reality kicked in, the more I pushed to deny it.
"Are you positive that I'm pregnant?"
She smiles. "Yes. I'm pretty positive. Trust me, I was just like you. Rather you keep it or not, I'm still going to prescribe prenatal vitamins."
I couldn't go to Lukas's penthouse. I decided to just take a taxi
to my apartment. If Joshua is there, still going through my
things, going through my panty drawer, I don't even give a fuck
I just wanted to be alone.
I opened the door and the place was still how I left it.
I closed the door, locked it and went straight to my room.
I dropped my purse and took off my heels before climbing under the covers.
I felt my eyes water the second I came into the house. I didn't
care. If I felt like crying, that's what I was going to do.
I know Lukas loves me, but what about this baby? We already decided that we were the only people we were going to ever want so why should the baby be a problem?
But Lukas is unpredictable.
I didn't know what his reaction would be.
After a half hour of sobbing, and dirtying my pillowcase with my
mascara, I heard the door open and shut.
I immediately snatched the covers from my body and stood up.
This was the last thing I needed right now.
I had nothing but a bat in the corner of my room.
Justin and his whole 'I want to be a baseball player'
I snatched the bat and held it firmly in my hands as I walked to my door.
I peeked out of my room and heard some movement in the living room.
My skin broke out in goose bumps and apprehension was running thick in my scalp.
I walked down the hallway, careful to be quiet and peeked into
the living room.
It was Justin.
I sighed in relief and dropped the bat to the floor.
Justin's eyes snapped to mine. When he saw me, he put the camera
that was in his hands down. "What happened?"
I broke out in tears again.
Justin hurried over and hugged me tightly.
This was one of those moments where I couldn't be as strong as I wished to be.
I never dreamed of being a mother. And I figured that if I ever found out that I was going to be a mother, I would handle it properly and shed no tears.
But now that this was my reality, that there was actual a baby inside of me, its fucking surreal.
I sat down and Justin sat down next to me.
After a few breaths, I looked to Justin. "I went to the doctor today and-"
"Holy shit, you're pregnant!" He stood up staring down at me.
"How did you know?" My voice croaked from the dryness of my
"Because normally when a woman starts off with 'I went to the doctor today', it normally means she has a bun in the oven. It's you. You! You're pregnant!"
"I never thought that would happen. Not to you. The hot tease whose against motherhood and marriage."
"No one said anything about marriage."
"But if Kary asked you, wouldn't you say yes?"
I stared at him.
"Answer the question."
"If you can't answer that question, that means yes."
"Lukas doesn't want to get married. I don't want to get married!"
"But do you want the baby?"
"I don't fucking know! I'm just now finding out about the shit!"
"What the fuck are you yelling at me for? Calm down with that shit, Peyton. I'm not the one who got you pregnant."
I looked away from Justin to stare down at the floor.
I'm betting it was that day I saw Brian. It had to be that day. It adds up and it makes sense if I calculated it right.
Justin sighs. "I'm sorry, Peyton. You just have to figure this
I nod. "I have to tell Lukas but….."
"But what? You don't know what he'll say?"
I shake my head.
"Hey, if he gets out of line, I'll kick his ass."
I chuckle and run my fingers through my hair.
Justin watches me.
I look up at him. "I just got to laugh at the bullshit."
He smiles. "Things will look up, Peyton. Because they have to. Good shit happen and bad shit happen. You just got to learn how to deal with it. If you want the baby, keep the baby. And if Kary doesn't want that, fuck him. He doesn't deserve you anyway."
I exhale and shake my head. "At this time, with me being so
stressed, I'd get a glass of wine but…"
Justin snickers. "Damn. Sucks for you."
I stuck my middle finger up at him.
He puts his hands up in surrender. "You want to call Dr.
Shrewster. Talk to him about it?"
I shake my head. "Shrewster is the last person I need to talk to right now. He can fucking blow me for all I care."
"What is wrong with you?"
"It's everything, Justin. Something is always in the way. First, mom pops up. Then Brian pops us. Lukas gets rid of Brian, and then there's the possibility that he can go to prison if he's found out about. Okay, one problem's gone. Brian's dead. Let's celebrate! Next thing you know there's fucking Joshua Lewis who has a crazy ass sister. And he's blaming Lukas, so now he's after me and Lukas."
"Exactly! What? What the fuck do I have to do to get a goddamn break?"
"Peyton, Peyton, relax."
I covered my face with my hands.
Justin sat back down next to me. "Look, Pey, I know you want to be strong for this pregnancy, but I can tell you're scared."
"But I'm with you. I'm here and I'm your best friend and I'm a
partner for life."
I nod. "I know." I take my hands down and look at him. "I know. And thank you."
He nods. "Okay. So, the first thing you should do is tell Kary about everything."
I knew it was coming. Might as well not put it off. I know how men either become shocked or in denial when they learn they're going to be a father. But Lukas Kary is unlike any man that I've ever known. I don't know how he'll react when I tell him.
Justin stood and grabbed the camera he had earlier and studied it. "And if he really loves you which I believe he kinda does, he'll accept the baby."
"He kinda loves me. Sure, he just killed my step dad,
risking his freedom and that shows he definitely kinda
loves me." I said sarcastically.
Justin shrugs carelessly.
When it's nearly nine at night, I decide to go take a shower to liven up my dry, dead eyes and wipe the mascara streaks from my cheeks.
I slip into a pair of sweats, a t-shirt, a jacket and a pair of
sneakers. I put my hair in a ponytail and go downstairs.
I was planning on driving but I was surprised to find David outside already.
He had the backdoor open for me and inside, I could see
I sighed and slipped into the backseat.
David shut the door.
Lukas's expression was unreadable.
"Hi." I spoke first.
"Hi. I thought you were sick and was going to stay in bed all
"I should have but I had to go see something."
He sat back. "Is everything okay?"
I shook my head. "No. Everything is far from okay. We need to talk once we get home."
He looks at me, wearily, as if he expected me to say something bad. Well it's going to be worst than he thinks.
All while David drove us, I felt it. The distance. It wasn't just
him this time. It was from the both of us.
I knew he was going to be mad.
I just knew that lately, my temper has been very high and I was afraid of how heated I was going to be when I tell him, and he has something to say about it.
"You're distant." I say without looking at him.
"Yeah, so are you." He answers.
"Were you mad at me? Is that why you went back to your
I shook my head. "I just wanted to be alone. Too much was piling up and shit was getting difficult."
"Peyton, I don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you to live with me."
I look to him. "Kary, that is so not what this is about. I like
living with you."
"So what's the problem?"
"I rather tell you when we're home."
After that, neither of us talked the rest of the ride.
When we arrived to the penthouse, I went straight to his bedroom
after greeting his maid, Claire. We needed to be alone, for me to
tell him this.
I sat down on the bed and slipped off my jacket.
I placed it on the bed and Lukas walked into the room and shut
I watched him as he walked over to the chair in the corner and sat down.
There was a lot of distance now. Physically and emotionally.
"You're not going to come closer?" I asked.
"There's something wrong and whatever it is, it's bothering you, and if I get too close, you're going to lash out. I know you, Peyton."
I shrug. "Fine."
"What happened today?"
I looked down at my shoes.
It was a minute before he said my name and I met eyes with him.
I'm brought back to the memory of when I told him what happened to me when I was ten.
I was ashamed to admit my rape, just like I am ashamed to admit
I took a deep breath, trying to relax. My heart was beating really fast, and really hard.
"Lukas, I'm pregnant."
His unreadable and distant reaction changed to one of
I nodded. Confused. That's better than angry.
Some part of me was counting on that reaction. He's not seething. If he's not angry, this can possibly mean that he's okay with the baby.
"How….Peyton," He glanced at the floor before looking back to me.
"How the fuck are you pregnant?"
Okay, never mind. If he's cussing, he's damn mad.
"Peyton, I asked you a while ago were you on birth control? You said yes. So, I don't understand how this happened."
"Let's see, you came in me over and over like you told me you wanted to do to me at that party. And tada, a baby is the fucking result."
"In other words…you stopped taking birth control."
I nodded. "I stopped. But not because I wanted to."
"Then why? How the fuck can you be so irresponsible?"
"Stop berating me like I'm a little fucking girl!"
"If you can't handle your shit properly, then you need to be berated."
"I have one father, I don't need another! And for your information, I'm stressed out everyday because of your shit! Because of the murder, and Jackie, and Joshua! It's all your shit and I'm stressed from it! So I made a fucking mistake, big fucking deal!"
"It is a big deal."
"So what, you want me to get rid of it?"
"I never said that."
"So then what?"
"I don't know."
"Well figure it out."
"It's not just my decision."
"It's either yes or no, Lukas."
He stared at me, silent.
"You're awfully quiet."
"Because I don't know what you want."
I stood up. "Right. I'm going home."
I walked to the door.
Lukas stood up and walked towards me, the second I opened the door, he slammed it back shut and glared at me.
"Get off the fucking door."
He stared down at me, irritation in his green eyes. "So you walk out this door and then what?" He asked.
"I don't know. Maybe I end up getting an abortion, maybe I have the baby and kick you out of my fucking life. Either way, I'm fine with it."
"No. No. I'm done. Get off of the door."
I glare at him. "Get off of the fucking door before I kick you in
your fucking balls." I threaten.
"Do what you want. But you're not walking away from me because of this."
"Didn't you tell my dad you weren't going to hold me hostage?" I
At these words, it seemed to hit Lukas.
He slowly took his hand from the door.
I opened it and as I was about to walk out, Lukas grabbed my hand.
I turned to look at him, and the look on his face was heartbreaking to see.
"Don't go." He whispered
"I need time to figure out what I need to do. You don't have an
answer. I don't have a fucking answer. I need time." I took my
hand from his. " When I decide what I'm going to do, I'll let you
know." I turned around. My eyes teared up as I walked away from
him. The one person in my life who knew just about everything
about me. This man who broke my walls. This man I was able to
give all of myself to, regardless of his baggage and mine.
I loved him. That'll never change.
Dad always told me, don't believe in fairy tales.
He was right. Because when reality kicks in, any happy ending you expected is not going to happen.
I got outside of the penthouse and I closed my eyes.
I thought I was done crying for the day.
I should have had David take me home, but I just didn't want to
be in anyone's presence. At least not now. I don't know if we're
broken up or not, but this feeling in my heart knew that it
wasn't over. It couldn't be. Lukas was my soul mate, and I was
No matter who comes along, I know that they'll never be another man right for me, unless its him.
I crossed my arms as I walked from the penthouse, to the
Chicago was pretty busy tonight.
I didn't care about how far it was going to take to get home. I was more concerned about what I was going to do for now on. All this time, I felt like I needed Lukas to breathe. I still felt this way. How am I going to breathe now?
This feeling in my heart was so intense, I had to stop
I felt like there were fucking spikes in my heart.
I leaned against the brick building I was about to walk past and covered my face.
The more and more I thought about it, the more it hit me. It felt like it was over.
I sobbed in my hands, not giving a fuck who saw me.
And it didn't stop for a while.
I think it was because this was no puppy love.
It was raw, intense, sexual, and honest love. Which is something I never thought I'd find.
Something I didn't think I deserved.
And I just left that love, because a taste of reality got mixed in. And it was all my fault.
"Peyton? Peyton Moyer?"
I took my hands down from my face to meet eyes with a man. He was
taller than me, wearing a black hoody and baggy pants.
I could see his eyes are dark brown.
I stepped away.
I'm cautious of every guy out here.
"Yes." I say.
"You know me. I'm Joshua Lewis."
My brows furrowed. "You-"
He nods and takes his hood down. "Yes. Me."
I backed away from him as a small smile came to his face. "No.
You're not going anywhere."
"What do you want?" My voice cracked and it made me sound and feel weak.
"I want you, in a fucking coma like my sister. And I'm going to be the one to put you there."