Author's Note: I'm going to warn you all. In the next chapter, disturbing things are going to happen. Very disturbing. But anyways. Below are Nate and a new character named Ronnie's picture. Oh and Jason's picture too. (Jason is Katie's boyfriend)If the pictures don't show up.....sorry. But Enjoy this chapter anyway.
Chapter 8: A Hole In My Heart
I hurried and ran down the hall into Katie's and Alex's parent's room and hid in the closet. What am I doing? Am I crazy? Yeah. Seems that way. I slid the closet door shut. I heard Katie knock on Alex's door. I heard it open. "What do you want?" I heard him ask. "We should talk." Katie said. I heard Alex's door slam. At first, I thought Katie walked into his room and closed the door behind her but I heard her footsteps walk back downstairs. I let out a sigh of relief. That was more than extremely close.
When three o clock arrived, I went out for a walk. I just needed to get away for a while. I was drinking a strawberry banana smoothie. I've been feeling weird all day. Sort of nauseous. And that was bad because it was a possibility that I was pregnant. But here's the fucked up thing, I wouldn't know if it would be Nate's or Alex's. What if it was Alex's baby and he found out I was pregnant? Would he do to me what he did to Carsia? I mean he loved her. I think. But can love really hurt that much?
I placed my hand on my stomach. It was coming up. I felt it. I dropped to my knees as I felt my mouth start to water. I threw up everything I ate today. My eyes watered up. My stomach had an aching pain in it. No one was around to help me. I coughed up some more and then wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I sighed and closed my eyes for a second before getting back up.
I stared at the puddle of throw up that laid in the grass. The smell reminded me of the nasty taste I had in my mouth. I turned and walked to the nearest store. The guy at the counter was looking at me. He smiled. "Hi." He said. He told me a week and half ago that his name was Ronnie. And I told him that I didn't care. I guess that wasn't very nice. "Hi. Um. Do you have any pregnancy test?" I asked. His smile slightly faded. "Well that would have been awkward." He said turning around and reaching to the top shelf. "What would have been?"
He grabbed a blue and white rectangular box and turned back to me. "I was about to ask you out." He said as he placed the box on the counter. I blushed a little.
"Well, you wouldn't want to get involved with a girl like me." I said truthfully. Ronnie typed something on the cash register. I looked at the price and it said five dollars. I reached into my jean pocket and took out the money. "Two dollars." He said. I looked at him questioningly. "But it says five." I said. "Well pretty girls always make me lower the prices."
"Oh so you flirt with every pretty girl that comes in here? I felt special for a second." Ronnie smiled. It was beautiful. "No. You're the only pretty girl that comes here. Your friend scares me though."
"Katie? No need to be scared of her. Me on the other hand, I don't fuck around." I said handing him two dollars from my jacket. I place the five dollar bill back in my jacket.
"It doesn't seem like you do. " He responded opening the cash register. "So can I get your name?" He asked as he placed the test in a small bag. "It's Leah Hart." I said. He handed the bag to me. "Well, Leah Hart, I hope you come back soon. Maybe tomorrow?" I shrugged. "I might be throwing up tomorrow. But we'll see." I smiled at him once more before opening the door and walking out.
Did I just flirt with someone while I was with Alex? He'll be furious once he finds out. But…..he doesn't have to find out. It could my secret. If he could have someone on the side, why couldn't I?
Nate had to be at work at this time so I went home and took the test. When the process was done, I placed it on the counter and sat down on the floor. I brought my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs and rocked back and forth. I looked up at the small black and white clock that was hanging up on the wall. My mother loved that. Her mother gave it to her two days before she died. At least five minutes passed when I got up. I took a deep breath and walked to the counter. I lifted it up with my fingers and saw the pink plus sign. It was positive.
I dropped onto my knees on the floor. It was like everything was in slow motion. The test tumbled onto the floor to my right. Tears immediately swelled up into my eyes. This could not be happening. Not to me. No. No. Why? How could I be so stupid? I buried my face in my hands and an ocean of tears erupted from my eyes.
My body shook with anger and regret and stupidity. I hated myself. I hated everyone else. I hated the whole fucking world. I was just…….useless. I lifted my head from my hands and glared at the door. If I hated my life, why don't I just end it? I mean…the one person that would miss me would be Katie. But she had Jason to comfort her. Fuck Nate and Fuck Alex. I slowly got to my feet and opened the cabinet that was behind the mirror. At least forty bottles of pills were in here. Pick one. Any one. I told myself. I grabbed my mother's sleeping pills. She wouldn't mind if I used them. She is dead, after all. She would be happy that I'm taking these so I can join her. I slammed the mirror shut and placed the pills on the counter. I looked at myself in the mirror. My dark hair was a mess. My eyes were red and puffy. I am a mess. Inside and out. I grabbed the pills and took the lid off. I poured all of them into the palm of my hand. I stared down at them and sighed. What am I doing? I'm fucking losing it. I threw the pills into the small garbage can.
I fell asleep on the living room couch and when I woke up, I saw Nate standing over me. I gasped and sat up. The pregnancy test was in his hand. He glared down at me. "What is this, Leah?" He asked showing it to me. Fuck. How could I forget to throw that away? I shook my head. He mocked me. "That's not an answer." It was official……Nate was Alex and Alex was Nate. Almost like father and son. And both loved inflicting pain on me.
"It's what?" He asked.
"A pregnancy test." I whispered.
"And what does a plus sign mean?"
"It means I am." He threw the test down on the floor. And punched me in my jaw. I cried out in pain as he got on top of me and held my hands down. "So you're pregnant you fucking whore?" He asked as he ripped my shirt off. I covered my eyes with my hands as his hands slowly went down my stomach. "Leah, look at me." He said. His hands disappeared from my body. I removed my hands from my face and looked up at him. I couldn't read his emotion.
He placed his hands on the right and the left of my head on the couch. "I love you." He whispered. I hated those words now. I didn't even want to hear them from Alex. "Please don't do this." I begged. "Please." I whispered. Nate sighed and unfastened his pants and pulled them down. He pulled mine down and my panties and forced himself into me. My whole world felt shattered. Everything was shattered. I was shattered. In pieces of glass.
He got off of me and pulled his pants back up. He looked down at me and smiled. "Go to the store and get me a beer, baby." He said. I heard his footsteps disappear up the stairs. I closed my eyes and let out a shaky breath. There was that feeling again. I sat up and leaned over the side of the couch and threw up. I gasped and coughed and gagged. I clutched my stomach and laid back down on the couch. "Get up! Now!" Nate yelled from upstairs. I slowly sat up. I went upstairs and got a new shirt and slipped on my black leather jacket. I slowly walked downstairs and out of the door. I walked to the store that Ronnie worked at. Hopefully he doesn't see me like this. Hopefully he already went home.
When I walked into the store…..there he was. His dark hair was messy but it looked good on him. I didn't even speak to him. I just went to the glass cooler and opened it. I grabbed a six pack of his favorite brand 'Bud Light'. I slammed it close, went up and placed it on the counter. Ronnie narrowed his eyes at me. "Let me actually pay the real price this time." I said. "What's wrong?" He asked. I shook my head. I handed him a twenty dollar bill. He looked at me for a second before putting it in the cash register and handing me my change. He was about to get me a bag but I just grabbed the beer and walked out of the door. I suddenly felt an arm grab me. "Get off of me!" I yelled and turned around. Ronnie looked at me. He looked scared. "I'm sorry. I just……I just thought…..I…." I started crying. I slammed the beer onto the ground and covered my eyes with my hands. I felt warm arms wrap around me. He walked me back into the store and brought me to the backroom. It was as small as a hallway. It had two chairs in it and old newspaper pictures hanging on the dark brown walls. He made me sit in a chair and he sat across from me. "Are you okay?" He asked. I shook my head. He brushed my hair away from my face. Why does every guy do that? "What happened? Earlier you were happy…..well not exactly happy but….you were in a better mood." He placed his hand on my knee and I actually looked into his blue eyes. "My boyfriend and my stepfather are………they are assholes. Like beyond assholes. They are so evil and……dickheads. That's the word for them. Dickheads." I sniffed. Ronnie smiled a little. "All step fathers are dickheads. And I would know." He lifted up his shirt a little and there was a dark bruise on his side. "Oh god." I whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"Leah, the last thing I want is remorse." He put his shirt down and bit his lip. "I'll admit that I'd like a little remorse." I said.
"You want it? You got it." He assured me. I wiped my tears away and smiled a little. He leaned over and softly pressed his lips against mine. I was confused. Was this really happening? Was I letting this happen? Does this make me a slut? A whore like Nate said? My fingers gripped his hair as his tongue explored my mouth. His taste was unbelievable. Butterflies were in my stomach. I could hardly explain the way this felt. It was nervousness, excitement, and guilt all at once. I pushed him. "I can't." I said. He nodded and sat back in the chair. "Yeah. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that." I stood up. "Um. I should go." I got up and walked back to the front of the store. "Hey. You can get another six pack for free." I shook my head. "You can't be serious." He looked confused. "Why not?"
"You've been nice to me this whole day. I'm not going to get another pack for free."
"I insist, Leah."
"I don't." Ronnie chuckled. "If you don't then you're not allowed back here anymore." I rolled my eyes and walked back and grabbed another six pack. "Thank you." I said to him. He smiled and leaned against the counter. His face suddenly looked nervous. "Um. So," He scratched back of his head with his hand and looked down at the floor. "Just spit it out." I said.
"I know you have a boyfriend and all. But I can tell you don't like him. Anyway…..I was just wondering if I can have your number." I smiled slightly. "Sure. I broke my cell phone so I'll give you my house number." I dug into my purse and took out a pen. I don't have any paper." I said. Ronnie reached for something on the other side of the cash register and placed a receipt on the counter. "Write on this." I put down my number. 958-7936.
"I'm going to be upset if it's fake." He said. I smiled. "It's not. I promise." He smiled and looked into my eyes. "What?" I asked. He shook his head. "You're just…….I don't know. It's something about you that I'm trying to understand but I just can't." I raised my eyebrow.
"Is that a compliment or an insult?" I asked. "Not an insult. If I wanted to insult you, I'd say you look scary." I smiled. "You want to know what I'd say?"
"What?" I stuck my middle finger at him and he smiled. "See you tomorrow." I said. "Bye." He breathed.
I smiled as I walked out of the store but then frowned.
I've been in the store more than seven minutes talking to a stranger instead of getting Nate's beer. Fuck. He's going to kill me.
I was worried about Alex. Carsia's dead and he hasn't talked to me about it. Or anyone else. I guess that when it comes down to it, he never really cared about her. I've been observing him and he didn't shed not one fucking for her when she died. Not one. He had that emotionless expression on his face like he just heard that he was adopted. Alex has always been a closed book. We were so different. Sometimes I don't think we're even related. I was lying on the couch with my feet in Jason's lap. He looked over at me and smiled. I smiled back. Jason and I have been together for ten months. The night we met was the night I lost my virginity. Yeah it was wrong but I don't regret it. The very next day, he asked me to be his girlfriend and obviously, I accepted because the second I met him was the second I fell in love.
Jason turned the TV off and threw the remote on the floor. "Still worried?" He asked looking down at the floor. "Yeah." I sat up and looked at him. "Want me to distract you?" He asked. I smiled. "Nice try. But no. I told you no sex three weeks from now." He sighed. "I'm sorry I lied to you but it was important."
"Yeah. Your friends are more important than my pussy then you should be fine with no sex for a while." Jason smiled. "They're not. Trust me." I leaned my head against the back of the couch. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and I got up immediately. Alex slid his jacket on and grabbed his keys. "Where are you going?" I asked.
Alex pulled his eyebrows together. "None of your business." He answered. I walked over and grabbed his arm. He snatched it away from me. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He asked.
"No what is wrong with you? You've been acting like a prick for the last couple of months. I'm sick of it." I said.
"Katie, get the fuck out of my face before I hurt you." Alex
threatened. His threats didn't scare me. Never had and never
will. "No." I said simply. I walked in front of the door and
blocked it. "We need to talk about this." Alex sighed and walked
up to me. His eyes were cold. "Move. Katie." He said calmly.
Jason was about to come over but I gave him a look that told him
to let me handle it.
"I don't want to talk. Now get out of my way." I shook my head. "Move out my way you fucking cunt." I slapped him as hard as I could. Rage boiled inside of me. He knew I how I felt about that word. He slowly turned his face back to me and slapped me back. I fell onto the floor. Jason pushed him against the door and Alex glared at him. "That's your fucking sister! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I looked up at Alex and his eyes looked into mine. "I don't fucking care." He said harshly as he forced the door open and slammed it shut. Jason looked down at me. He held out his hand and I accepted it. "Are you okay?" He asked trying to touch my cheek. I pulled away from him. "I'm fine." I said. He sighed. My cheek burned. I never thought he would ever really hit me…..but I thought wrong.