Chapter 7: You Just Love To Hurt Me, Don't You?
"Alex?" I asked. I heard fast movement happening on the other side of the door. The blood circled around my feet. "Alex? What's going on?" I asked as I knocked his door. I turned the knob and opened the door. First thing I saw was Carsia lying on the floor with her eyes closed and........blood was coming out of her head. I gasped and covered my mouth with hand as tears immediately rolled out. How? I don't understand. My eyes darted up and Alex was looking down at Carsia with anger in his eyes. "What did you do?!" I asked. He didn't answer. I bent down and placed my fingers on her neck. No pulse. She was dead. And pregnant. But not anymore. "She bumped her head against the dresser and fell." Alex said. My tears blurred my vision. "Call 911." I said. My voice was shaky. Alex hesitated before slowly grabbing the phone. He killed her. I know he did. I knew she told him about the baby and he became angry.
When the ambulance and police arrived, Katie was crying as she ran up to me and Alex. "What happened?" She asked. Alex told her the same story he told me. She didn't look convinced.
Katie looked at me and then turned as the police carried out the body bag Carsia was in. "Oh my god." Katie cried. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly. Alex told the same thing to the police and they took him in. They said only to get the story straight because Alex's story didn't sound right. I watched as Alex drove away in the cop car. I bit down on my lip and turned to Katie. Her eyes were red and puffy. She slowly turned and walked into the house. The ambulance finally drove away and I walked into the house also. Katie was sitting on the couch. She looked miserable. Her mascara was running down her cheeks. She ran her fingers through her hair. Her eyes stared down at the floor. "I just- I'm trying to make sense out of what the hell just happened." Her raspy voice was squeaking. "Alex....he's messed up. I know this. I've been his sister for sixteen and a half years. But he wouldn't do this. He would never kill anyone. Ever." I walked over and sat beside her on the couch. "Maybe what he told me was true. Maybe she really did just bump her head." Katie said. Or maybe Alex pushed her and she fell and bumped against the dresser. That sounded better than she just randomly bumped her head. And.....it sounded more likely. Katie turned to me.
"Do you think he did it on purpose?" Yes. "No." I answered. Katie sighed. "He loved Carsia. So much. He wouldn't...no.....he wouldn't do something like that." Katie said shaking her head. She slowly got up. The phone rang and she went to answer it. "Hello?" She asked in a teary voice. There was a short pause and she looked at me. She looked.....scared. She slowly took the phone away from her ear and held it out towards me. I slowly walked over, grabbed it and placed it against my ear. "Hello?" I asked. "Get.Home.Now." Said Nate in an angry tone. I know what this meant. "Okay." I whispered and then put the phone back on the receiver. "Don't go." She whispered. "I have to." I told her. If I didn't leave, Nate will come here and probably hurt me and Katie. She pulled my arm towards her and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back just as hard. "I love you, Katie." I whispered. "I love you more, Leah." She responded.
We both sighed and pulled away. I went upstairs to grab my jacket and then walked out of the house. I hated Carsia but......now that she was dead, I just felt sympathy. She was in a relationship with a man who cheated on her numerous of times and killed her. Even she didn't deserve that.
The night was warm as I walked through the streets. It was almost seven o clock. I dreaded going home to Nate because I knew what was waiting for me. Either drunk or sober.....something bad was going to happen.
I turned the key into the lock and opened the door. Nate was sitting on the couch. His beer bottle was tipped as the liquor was sliding down his throat. I closed the door and he placed the bottle on the table. He slowly looked at me. His eyes were red and half closed. "Leeeeah." He muttered. I looked into his eyes. "Come here, baby." He whispered. I shook my head and began to walk to upstairs. I heard his footsteps following me up the stairs.
I already began crying. He grabbed my arm and led me to his bedroom. I didn't fight it. There would be no point. The more I fought the worst it will be. Nate threw me on the bed and I felt my clothes being ripped off my body. I stared up at the ceiling. I prayed to just black out and get this whole thing over with but my prayer didn't happen.
I didn't do anything but laid there and cried and let him take advantage of me. I laid there for two hours straight feeling nothing but pain and shame. It was nine fifty three when Nate fell asleep on top of me. Both of our bodies were sweaty and sticky. My eyes burned with tears as I slowly moved Nate off of me. He was heavy but I managed to move him off of me. I slowly got up and went into the bathroom. I showered holding back my tears but they came down anyway. And it wasn't just Nate that angered me. It was also Alex.
I shut off the water after rinsing the soap off of me. I went to sleep and had the worst nightmare.
I was covered in blood. And Alex was right beside me. My clothes were being ripped off and I was lying in the blood. Flashes of me and Alex having sex came through my mind. I felt him lick the blood from my face and he stared into my eyes. 'It's your fault she's dead.' He whispered
I sat up breathing hard. I felt like there was so much going on. Maybe too much. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was four o five. The phone rang. Seriously? Who the hell would call at four? I turned my lamp on and grabbed the cordless. I answered it and held it to my ear.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hey. Where are you?" It was Alex.
"How are you calling me? I thought that you were in jail."
"You know they give me one call." I bit my lip and brushed my hair away from my face.
"Did you do it on purpose?" I suddenly asked. There was a long pause. I dropped my head in my left hand and began to cry. I knew he did it on purpose.
"Katie's bailing me out. We'll talk about this later." He said
"No. Now. We're goin-"
He hung up. I looked at the phone and it said 'call ended' "Fucking bitch." I muttered.
The Next day, I got up and ready for school, only I wasn't going. I just wanted Nate to think I'm going. As I walked down the stairs, I placed my hair in a ponytail and placed my bag on the floor. Nate was sitting on the couch looking at me. I looked back at him for only a second. He had a smirk on his face. Fuck him.
I went into the kitchen and got a cereal bar and threw it in my bag and then grabbed it and threw it over my shoulder. Before I could walk out of the door, Nate grabbed me and pulled me against him. He pressed his lips against mine and then let me go. I couldn't believe this situation. I just stared at him as he walked away from me. I WANTED Nate dead. I wanted him to suffer like I did the other day and last night.
I walked out of the door and over to Katie's house. She and her boyfriend, Jason, were sitting on the couch talking. I walked in and sat on the floor while listening to them. "He's going to be out by eleven." Katie said. I was both happy and afraid. I guess the police didn't find any evidence that he killed Carsia. Either Alex didn't really do it on purpose or he was just really, really smart.
It was around eleven thirty when Alex was brought home. Katie and Jason went out to get us all something to eat. And of course Alex wanted……..me.
His lips closed over mine as we fell onto his bed. He wasted no time to take off my pants. "I missed you." He breathed as he kissed my neck. "I missed you too." I was half telling the truth. He slowly unbuttoned my shirt and I sat up as he slid it off my shoulders. Then he unsnapped my bra, slid it off and I laid back down on the pillows.
Next, he pulled my panties down and threw them onto the bed. He got on his knees on the bed and unbuckled his belt and then unbuttoned his pants. He sat down and pulled them off and then his boxers.
He crawled on top of me and looked into my eyes. Will he say it? Those three words? I placed both of my hands on both sides of his face. "I love you." I whispered. Please say it back. Please say it back. Please say it back. "I know." He answered and pushed inside of me. This was wrong. Carsia was dead and it was almost as if he didn't care she was gone. Alex moaned in my ear. I dug my nails into his back and closed my eyes. Nate's face came into my mind. I opened my eyes. I had to focus on Alex's face. Focus. Focus. Focus. Alex parted my lips with his and stuck his tongue in my mouth.
He pulled out a little and pushed back in. I moaned and continued kissing him. Nate's face was pieced in my head. And so was Carsia's dead body. I closed my eyes and sighed. My head was full of dreadful things I've experienced and witnessed. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the tears rolling of my cheeks. I gasped and pushed Alex shoulders. "Stop." I said pushing him. He just went in deeper and placed his lips on mine. He kissed my lips until they hurt. I whimpered as he bit down on my tongue. I pushed him harder. "Alex? Can you stop?" I asked still trying to push him off of him. He looked at me. "Why do you always have to be so damn dramatic?" He asked then leaned down to kiss me again. I felt hopeless, used, and stupid.
Alex came in me ten minutes later. It wasn't sex anymore. Now….it was just rape. I wasn't his sex toy no longer. I was his rape toy. And he played with me whenever he felt like it. He laid beside me on the bed and fell asleep. I pushed the sheet off of me and saw blood. I got up quickly as some of it poured down my leg. It wasn't my period. That ended ten days ago. I was in pain during the whole thing. Why did Alex like hurting me? I've never done anything to him. He sat up and opened his eyes slowly to look at me. "What?" He asked. I pointed to the little blood that was on the bed. He glanced at it and shrugged. "So?" He asked.
"I forgot; blood doesn't affect you. When you saw Carsia's blood you didn't freak out so how am I supposed to think you'd feel slightly sorry for the pain you've caused me?" Did I really just say that out loud? That was supposed to only be in my head. Alex got up and looked down at me. "I don't think I heard you right. What the fuck did you just say?" He asked. I shook my head. "Nothing. I didn't sa" He slapped me and I fell onto the floor. My cheek burned and stung from the slap. I looked up at him and scooted back against the wall. "You can get smart with me if you want to, Leah. But if you do………well you see what happened to Carsia." My eyes widened. He basically just admitted that he killed Carsia on purpose.
The door slammed from downstairs and we heard Katie's voice. Alex had panic in his eyes. He grabbed my arm and forced me onto my feet. "Get out." He opened the door all the way and pushed me out. He slammed the door. I heard Katie's voice still talking to Jason and she was walking upstairs. Fuck! My clothes were still in Alex's room. What the hell am I going to do?