Chapter 4: What I want from you
When I get home, I get an ice pack and put it on my hand. I hope its not broken. I went upstairs to my room and when I opened the door, I saw a rectangular box with a bow on it.
I eyed it curiously.
Next to the box was a note.
I put my ice pack down and picked up the note.
It was from my aunt.
'This is a gift for taking care of your dad so well when your mom died. I didn't know really what to get you so I got you some make-up as an early birthday gift. I hope you enjoy!
Your aunt, Jenny'
My eyes grew wide. Are you kidding me? Make-up? Make up?
I put the note down and ripped the bow off and then opened the box. There were a variety of different color eye shadows and eyeliners. There were lip-glosses and lipsticks. Lipstick. Sure enough there was a red. It looked like such a delicious color.
I bit down on my lip.
I never said I'd use it. But it was good to have it handy.
I picked it up and studied the color. I opened the cap and looked to my mirror. Oh, why the hell not?
I put the lipstick on my lips and mashed them together and puckered them. Mmh…not bad.
I smiled a little and put the cap back on.
I grabbed my ice pack and placed it back on my fist as I laid down onto my bed.
I would just take a nap and wait until Keiran comes over.
I heard the door from downstairs open and then close. I sat up and then got off the bed. I looked in the mirror and suddenly the lipstick looked ridiculous.
I rolled my eyes and rubbed it off using my hand.
I walked into the hallway and then downstairs.
Keiran was leaning against the back of the couch as if he was waiting for me.
I looked down to the floor, feeling like I was in trouble.
"You should be. How could you be so stupid?"
"You know, I don't need a fucking lecture from my best friend, okay?"
"You sure? Because you proved that you like to act immature and shit so I think you do need a fucking lecture from me."
"If you think you're going to, think again and get the fuck out of my house." I said.
Keiran glared at me. He slowly walked over to me until he was right in front of me. "Don't do that again, okay?"
I didn't answer.
"I don't know why the fuck you did that shit in the first place."
"Because she has what I want." I blurted out looking up at him.
The atmosphere changes. It goes from anger, agitation, to something else entirely.
He doesn't speak for a few seconds. "What do you want?" He steps closer to me until I'm backed against the wall, my eyes still on his.
I sigh and close my eyes as I lean my head back against the wall. "You." I whisper.
I slowly open my eyes.
Keiran bites down on his lip. "You're unbelievable. You did all of this for no reason, knowing it wouldn't change anything."
"I didn't know. But I was hoping." I admitted.
"Well then I'll get something through your head, Pepper. I will never, ever fuck you. Okay?" He asks.
I swallow hard and blink at him, neither of us takes our eyes from each others.
I don't know what made me do it. I don't know why, but I did it.
I leaned forward and kissed his lips softly before pulling back to study his expression.
He looked confused.
Yet he didn't look disgusted or mad so that was a good sign.
I lean in again and kiss his lips again, this time longer, harder and pull away again.
He's not moving. He's in shock.
Fuck, this is humiliating.
I feel like I'm going to die of embarrassment right now.
I shouldn't have done that.
God I'm an idiot.
Just as I took one step, about to go upstairs, he stops me by grabbing my hips.
I pause and slowly look to him.
He presses me against the wall and his lips are on mine.
I couldn't respond at first but soon as reality started settling in, I began to respond. I took his face between my hands and shut my eyes as I began kissing him back.
I opened my mouth, giving him access as he began caressing my tongue with his. It felt so good.
I moaned under the kiss.
He pushed himself against my body hard. I could feel his growing erection.
I moaned pushing myself against him, showing him what I wanted.
Keiran suddenly grabbed both of my hands and pinned them to the wall beside my head while he used his knee to spread my legs.
We didn't break the kiss, we only went deeper.
But the second the door opened, I pushed him away from me, panting.
We both turned to see my dad enter the house and pause. He looks back and forth between the both of us. "Uh…are you okay?" He asks me.
I nodded wiping my mouth. "I'm fine." I swallowed hard.
Then he looked to Keiran. "You?"
Keiran shook his head. "No. I'm not. I need to get home." He glanced at me before walking to the door and leaving.
My brows furrowed. Why did he look mad? It's not like I forced him to kiss me like he did.
And it didn't seem like he wasn't enjoying it. I felt how much he was enjoying it.
So why did he look like I just ruined his life?
My dad threw his keys on the coffee table.
"You're supposed to be at aunt Jenny's house." I said.
He nodded. "Well your aunt is vegan. I couldn't take it." He shook his head.
"Oh. That sucks."
"Yeah, so I was wondering if you felt like cooking anything for me."
I shrugged. "Sure. And FYI, that dickhead, Christopher came by looking for you."
Dad raised his eyebrow. "What?"
"Yeah. Are you ready to tell me what the hell has been going on? You of all people know that I hate being kept in the dark about things."
He narrowed his eyes. "I get the feeling we're not talking about me any more, but your mother and her addiction."
"It's about both. You hated keeping the fact that she was addicted to heroin from me yet she begged you to and you did. You don't hate that you're keeping stuff about your job from me though. So, what's going on?"
"You wouldn't understand, Pepper."
"What wouldn't I understand?" I asked.
"My job. Let's just go eat dinner. Let's go out, matter of fact."
"You're avoiding the question."
He smiles and pats my head. "Come on. Get your shoes and I'll treat you to a restaurant."
"With what, your money, or Christopher's?" I asked.
He stopped, his smile leaving his face.
"If you don't want me in your business, don't have your boss threatening me. Ever, dad. Whatever you owe him, give it to him, already. I'll make dinner here." I said and turned towards the kitchen.
"So he kissed you, yet was mad about it?" Rodney asked before he took a sip of his diet coke.
I nodded. "Unbelievable, right?" I asked.
We were on break from work and Keiran kissing me was the only thing I could think about the next day.
"Talk about the so called 'special first kiss'." He said.
I nodded. "It actually was special. I don't think I ever got turned on by any of my exes kissing me but this…it was something else. He hasn't been answering my text messages though. I'm thinking about going to see him after work." I said.
"See who?" Mickey asked sitting down next to me with a tray of hamburger and fries.
I went quiet.
"Er…um…her dad." Rodney saved me.
"Oh. Is he in some kind of trouble or something?"
I looked to Rodney.
Why make a lie out of something that's not a big deal. "Actually, its Keiran we're talking about." I said.
Mickey paused and then looked down to his tray. "Oh."
The rest of the break was quiet. I felt very uncomfortable at the moment.
Rodney eventually got up, feeling awkward and walked away, leaving me with Mickey.
"So, I saw the fight between you and that Lynn girl the other day."
"Yeah," I blush. "It was stupid."
Mickey swallowed and hesitated. I knew he wanted to say something.
"What?" I asked.
"It's just…you shouldn't be fighting over him. You know, over Keiran."
"Mickey, I fought the bitch because I don't like the bitch."
"Because of Keiran."
"No. Because she was provoking me. I don't like to be provoked." I said.
Mickey looked uneasy. "I'll remember that." He says.
I stand up and grab my tray. "Yeah, maybe you should."
I left the room and went to the back.
Rodney smiled. "Awkward."
I nod. "Very. Hey, can you take over my shift for the rest of the day and take the money?" I asked.
He shook his head. "I'll take the shift, you keep the money. I get that you got to do what you got to do." He says.
I smile. "Thank you, Rodney. You know, if you were fully straight, I'd kiss you." I said, smiling.
He grinned. "Yeah, yeah."
I turned and pulled my yellow uniform shirt from my body and adjusted my dark red tank top.
I left out of my job and got into the white suburban.
I started it up and drove over to Keiran's house.
When I got there, I got out to the car. Must be here alone. I don't see Ethan or Aubrey's car in the driveway. It's good for him to be alone. We need to be alone to talk about what happened yesterday.
I shut my door and walked up to the house and unlocked the door.
Yes, I have a key to his house also.
I opened the door and I can hear the grunting downstairs. He must be lifting weights…..hopefully.
I turn my head and look out to see if I see Lynn's stupid ass pink girly convertible but I don't. I shut the door and make my way down to the basement.
When I get down there, its exactly what I thought.
Keiran in no more than a pair of black jogging pants and shoes, on the weight bench, lifting the weights. Loud Metallica was playing in the background.
I walked over, unseen and turned it down his ipod.
Keiran looked over.
I smiled. "Hi, asshole."
He sat up, not smiling as he put the weights on the bench and sat up. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
"Hanging out with you, hopefully."
He pursed his lips as he stood and grabbed a blue towel from a table.
He wipes the sweat from his washboard abs. I feel like I'm going to melt into a puddle of goo.
I take a deep breath and relax myself.
He sighs. "What happened yesterday night…"
"Was stupid." I finished.
He blinks at me. "You think so?"
"Isn't that what you were going to say?"
He nods. "Very fucking stupid on both of our part, but at the same time, I…I don't know, I felt something."
"What do you mean?" My heart beat was quickening.
"I think that I want to fuck you is what I'm trying to say."
My eyes grew wide, and not only that, my heart basically exploded from out of my chest.
And at the same time, I felt chills running down my spine. "You do?"
He nods as if he's ashamed of it. Which is understandable I suppose. He's seen me as nothing but a sister since we've known each other, then we kiss, and now he wants to have sex with me. Yeah, he has every right to be ashamed.
"So…I mean…what's going to happen?" I asked.
He blinked and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "I don't want to hurt Lynn. She's in the hospital right now. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone. But since last night, I cannot get what happened out of my head. That's why I've been working out all day. But you just won't stay out of my fucking head, Pepper." He said.
I nod. "Same." I whispered.
Keiran licks his lips and sits back down on the bench. "I just want us to do it once and maybe this need will go away or something but I cannot stand cheaters and I would be a fucking hypocrite if I was to do it so I don't know what to do." He ran his fingers through his hair.
I cannot believe he was saying this. I can't believe he's feeling all of this. It's surreal.
Since second grade, I just felt this connection with him and now its stronger, it was more than sexual desire. It was heat, passion and all the other stuff I can't explain.
The thing is, I know how Keiran is and he's not going to want to cheat on his girl. I know he's not that type of person. My hopes were up but not very much. Because the Keiran I know would never do anything to hurt a girl.
But rather or not what he wanted, I know what I wanted. I'll just wait for him to get himself together.
"I don't know what to say." I admitted.
He nodded. "I don't either but I'm serious."
"I know you are which is why I don't know what to say." I said.
"Well…just give me some time to think about this shit and I'll come pick you up so we can talk tomorrow." He says.
"Talk?" I asked.
He bit down on his lip.
I don't think he meant "talk"
He nods. "Yeah…talk."
I nod with him. "Okay."
I turn and then walk up the stairs but stop halfway. "Keiran?"
I look to him. "You don't see me as a sister anymore, do you?"
Keiran shook his head. "No, Pepper, I don't."