chapter 10: Do they know?
Laying next to Ellis felt wrong. It felt so wrong and it almost hurt knowing about what happened earlier.
What Tyler did to me earlier.
It wasn't supposed to happen and I don't know why he did it. Of course I knew it. It was because I didn't want which is why he wanted me.
I shut my eyes.
"Karlie?" Ellis whispered.
"Yeah?" I asked. I turned to look at him.
"What's wrong? You been distracted all night. And now its four in the morning and you're still woke. Did something happen?"
I swallowed and shook my head. I hated lying to him. It fucking hurts.
"Nothing happened." I said.
He smiled and planted a kiss on my forehead. "You sure?"
I nodded. "Just go to sleep." I whispered. Tears threatened to come out. I was so not ready for this.
I couldn't tell him.
He'll be heartbroken.
Fuck. This isn't right.
Ellis didn't say anything else.
I knew that I would have to tell him eventually because I was in love with Ellis.
I loved him and I knew keeping this…what Tyler did to me-from him is hurting the both of us.
I couldn't sleep. I could barely breathe. Tears bubbled up in my eyes and I cried silently in the bed. Ellis was holding me, sleeping peacefully. I didn't deserve him. I don't. He's amazing and he has to know that. He's a good man.
I sniffed and covered my mouth as I cried silently.
I eventually got up and wiped my eyes and stepped out of the room. I walked down the hallway and switched on the kitchen light. It was dark, silent.
I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. I twisted the cap off and took a big gulp.
I closed the fridge and I saw Tyler enter in the room.
He only had on a pair of black pants.
I swallowed and took another gulp of water.
"Stay away from me." I said. I tried to get out of the kitchen but Tyler stepped in my way. He stared down at me. "What?"
"You weren't telling me that two hours ago."
"I'm telling you this now. I have to tell Ellis. And if he breaks up with me then he does."
"He's not going to. Although it will makes things easier on my part."
"Tyler, this isn't a game."
"I know that now. It's not a game anymore and I knew it wasn't the second we kissed." He stared into my eyes and I stared back into his. He held me there for a second. "I'm sorry but its not that easy."
"What isn't?" He asked.
I shook my head. "Nevermind. Can you move so I can get back to bed."
"Oh next to your boyfriend who you cheated on?"
I glared at Tyler. He was glaring back. The scene was too damn perfect. "It's your fault too. You knew exactly what you were doing."
"No, I mean, forcing me down like that."
"Look, I know I act like an asshole ninety five percent of the time but it doesn't mean I don't give a shit about you, Karlie."
I turned and sat on a barstool in the corner. I stared at Tyler and wiped my watery eyes. "So what do you want from me?" I asked.
Tyler came over to me and leaned over the island counter top I was sitting at. "Everything." He breathed.
I shook my head. "When will you get it?'
"That I don't love you!" I was too loud.
Tyler leaned back slightly. "Like I said earlier in this Deja vu of a conversation that I never said you loved me. But the fact that you keep bringing it up means…"
He looked away for a second. "Alright. If you say so." He turned and began to walk out but stopped in the doorway of the kitchen. "But don't act like you didn't like it. As far as I can remember, you came on my tongue." Then he turned to glance at me before walking out.
My jaw dropped to the floor. He was right. I did. But I couldn't help it. I could have pushed him off. I should have.
Why didn't I?
Because I wanted to fuck Tyler and part of me still does. I grabbed my water and hurried into my room past Tyler's.
I shut the door and sighed softly. I locked the door of the dimly lit room and turned around.
Ellis was laying on the left side of the right side of the bed and was sleeping on his back.
I walked over and placed my water down on the night table and looked to him. I know what would get my mind off of Tyler.
I went to the foot of the bed and ducked my head under the covers. I crawled up to Ellis's legs and then up to his waist. I pulled his boxers down as far as I could and grabbed onto his length and placed it in my mouth.
I shut my eyes and let my mouth work back and forth of him until I felt a hand reach under and pull my hair and a groan came from his lips.
The covers were pulled back from off of my head and Ellis had both of his hands digging through my hair. I actually enjoyed pleasing him. Because he was my boyfriend and I loved him enough to please him.
"Baby, come here." He whispered. I looked to him and got on top of him and leaned down to kiss him.
His mouth opened and my lips dominated his and I grinded against him hard and he placed his hand on my waist.
I brought my lips back down to his and his fingers twisted through my hair.
"Please fuck me." I whispered against his lips.
Ellis didn't hesitate to turn me on my back and force my night dress up and pulled my panties down. Before I could take another breath, He pushed inside of me and I gasped.
He groaned softly, shutting his eyes and leaned down to kiss me. "I love you." he whispered. I stared him in his eyes and immediately felt bad. I swallowed hard and tears rimmed my eyes.
"What's wrong?" He asked sitting up.
I shook my head. "Nothing. I'm just…I'm glad that you love me although I'm a bad person."
"You're not, Karlie."
I nodded. You're not aware of what took place a couple hours ago, buddy, "Ellis, I-don't deserve you."
"Course you do."
I shook my head as I wiped my tears away. "You're going to hate me."
I shrugged. "Nothing." I couldn't tell him. It hurts too much.
"Want us to stop?"
"No…just…take my mind off of things. Please?" I asked.
He nodded and started to move again, his pace kind of exhilarating matching his hard breathing and mine. His head was buried in the crook of my neck and my legs were wrapped around him.
It felt good but I didn't feel electricity. I didn't feel it…like I felt with Tyler and because it was missing, and because I knew who I rather be in bed with, I just couldn't come. I was in a blank. In a trance. So I stop responding and just let myself lay there.
Ellis didn't rape me, but I just couldn't bring myself to respond. I knew my libido wasn't calling for Ellis. It was calling for Tyler and part of my heart was too, regardless of how sick he makes me sometimes.
When Ellis released, he stared down at me. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"
I shook my head. "No. I have to tell you something tomorrow." I whispered.
"Well, why can't you tell me now?"
"It's just better when we leave here. Okay?"
I turned and fell deep asleep. I had to get away from this reality and I was thankful that I did.
At some point, I did find myself waking up but slipping back into deep unconsciousness again.
But when I woke up, I felt it. Electricity. Warmth. All throughout my body. I sat up and looked around realizing that I was now in Tyler's room.
He was right next to me staring at me.
"What the hell?"
"You just walked in here last night. You were half sleep, I think. So I just laid you down in here and had you go to sleep." He said in a quiet voice.
I pressed my palm against my forehead and sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't normally do that." I pulled the covers off of me and made to stand up but he gripped my arm. I turned to look down at him.
He sat up, on his knees, bare, muscular, tan chest out and black pajama pants hanging off his hips. His hair messy from sleep.
He pulled me to him. "It isn't right." I whispered.
His face was inches from mine. "Stop lying to yourself, Karlie. Just stop." He whispered.
He leaned in but I shook my head. "I can't. I love-"
"No. Ellis. I love him and I won't stop. Yeah, I may be sexually attracted to you but that means nothing."
"No. It's deeper than that and you know it."
"Tyler, stop torturing me. Please."
He shook his head. "I haven't tortured you enough." He whispered and then without warning, He forced me down on the bed, and slid in between my legs while holding my hands above my head and staring down at me.
My breathing was panicked. I shook my head and he said nothing. Just laid there on top of me. Then he gave a small smirk. "I would love to do all kinds of fucked up things to you. Tie you up, fuck you for hours. But you love Ellis like you said and I have to respect that. Well, I don't have to but…I choose to." He whispered.
Tyler slowly let go of my hands and moved off of my body. I was kind of shaken up as I stared up at his retreating figure. I shut my eyes and said nothing as he walked out of his room completely silent. I covered my mouth with my hand and pulled my night dress down.
I wanted him but….I…I don't fucking know.
After showering and putting on a button down and blue jeans, I brushed my hair into a pony tail and sighed. I got out a pair of black heels, that Natalie said I can have and I walked out into the living room. Natalie was looking at herself in a tall mirror behind the couch. about something. Natalie noticed me and smiled. "Hello, sunshine."
I gave her a fake smile.
"Me, and Akim are going out to the movies. Ellis is out doing whatever car salesmen do in California and Michael is over his friend's house. You wanna come?" She asked.
I shrugged. Oh what the hell?
"Tyler?" Natalie asked as she looked to him. I didn't even notice him behind me.
He said nothing. But eventually shook his head. "Think I'm going to stay home. But have fun." He glanced at me and turned and went into his room.
He shut the door closed.
Natalie looked to me. "What's his problem?" She asked.
I shrugged. But I knew what his problem was. And it was kind of my problem too.
"So, what movie are we going to see?" I asked.
"That funny movie that makes fun of 'Paranormal activity' and 'the devil inside'. A haunted house."
I needed to see some funny movie to get my mind off of certain things anyway.
Natalie told Akim to put on his headphones and blast his music in his car while we had girl talk. Half the time, I was there and the other half, I wasn't.
Eventually Natalie noticed this. "Ok, spill it."
"You're in love with Tyler, Karlie."
"I am not!"
"Look whose so defensive about the subject." She said teasing me.
I swallowed and shook my head. "I don't love him, Nat. I can't."
"Look, I love Ellis with all my heart, but I can see you better with Tyler. He's in love with you too."
"The word 'Tyler' and 'Love' shouldn't even go in the same sentence." I said.
Natalie nodded. "That's true but not only can I see that you two love each other. I can feel it."
"The electricity. It's evident. But I mean…do as you want, Karlie. Just make sure you're making the right decision for you."
I stared into her sincere eyes and then nodded.
The movie was pretty damn funny and it definitely cheered me up regardless of my situation.
But as Akim pulled the car in the driveway, I knew something was about to happen. I could feel it.
We got to the door and Natalie and Akim went upstairs to their room and I went to the guest room I was staying in.
I took my shoes off and then my jean jacket and threw it onto the bed.
I stood there, trying to think of anything…but him.
And as if on cue, he walked in and shut the door.
I looked up at him. He looked at me as if he was waiting on me. "How was the movie?" he asked although it was easy to tell he didn't really care.
"It was funny. You should have went." No he shouldn't have. Because I would have been distracted the whole time.
"I would have been distracted."
"By what?" I asked.
"By you, Karlie."
I sighed softly as I blushed. "By me? Why?"
"You're still unaware of your effect on me, aren't you?"
"What effect?" I asked.
He stared at me. "Maybe I should show you." He said as he walked over to me. It made me back up against the wall as he walked closer to me.
"We can't put this off anymore. We need to do this." He whispered.
"Yes you can." He whispered and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him.
I watched him as he carefully unbuttoned my shirt and I bit my lip as he pushed it off my shoulders.
"Stop saying you can't do it. You deserve to be happy and you seem to be happy with me."
"I am but-"
"But nothing." His lips found mine and he pushed his body against mine. Sighing in his mouth, my fingers pushed through his hair and I let his tongue slip in and toy with mine.
Tyler dropped to his knees and unbuttoned my jeans. He pulled them down to my ankles and I slowly stepped out of them.
I looked into his eyes and he stood up to his feet. He actually looked me in my eyes. "I never known anybody as beautiful as you."
I bit my lip and looked down to the floor as I blushed.
Tyler placed his hand on my face and made me look up at him. "I want you." He whispered.
The words sent a delicious tremor through my already aroused body.
I nodded. I wanted him too. I grab onto his shirt and unbutton it. His breathing is erratic as he watches me.
And my fingers become clumsy as I lose my concentration. I'm not even halfway done getting all the buttons all done before his lips find mine again and his hands are on my butt, forcing me against him. To feel how hard he is.
And I feel it. It's making me crazy with lust. I wanted to feel it so bad. Inside of me. Deep inside of me.
"Tyler." I whispered.
He sighed and leaned his forehead against mine.
Then his lips kissed mine, hard, until I couldn't breathe.
He slowly pulled my panties down, both of our breathing erratic.
When they get down to my ankles, I step out of them.
Tyler pulls his pants down and his boxers, His naked body is now against mine and I'm going crazy with want and need. "Please, Tyler." I whisper against his lips.
He pulled my body against his and picked me up off the floor and slid me on him I gasped at the deepness.
Tyler groaned and held me up against the wall to support my back and he slowly thrusted in and out of me.
I hugged him against my body as I rode him. His lips stayed locked on mine and his breathing picked up.
Mine did too.
Everything in me was slowly tightening up. And I could feel my orgasm coming. I moaned his name in his ear. Purring while I rode him.
"Karlie, fuck." Tyler whispered thrusting in me harder and harder until he drove me over the edge. I threw my head back as he slammed me into the wall once again and I cried out his name as I came around him.
He released at the same time I did and our breathing, still erratic, didn't cease.
I stayed hooked to him, he kissed my lips, breathing hard against me.
I was slowly coming down from the orgasm.
And neither Tyler or me moved.
"All packed up?" Natalie asked.
I nodded, lying.
Ellis gave me a weird look, didn't smile, not even made a sound and I felt like I was in trouble.
"Can I talk to you?" He asked.
I shook my head, stalling. "We should get going."
Ellis swallowed and his jaw tensed as Tyler entered the room. "She's right."
Ellis glared darkly at Tyler and then sighed and looked down to Natalie.
Tyler looked over at me. "I packed your clothes for you."
I nodded. "Thanks."
Natalie looked between Tyler and me and Ellis did the same.
Something was going on. Did they know? Did they know that I slept with Tyler?
I'm scared now.
I think Ellis knows.
After putting the suit cases in the trunk, I hugged Natalie really hard and she smiled. "You can call me at any time."
I nodded. Then I bit my lip. "I-"
"Me and Ellis knows. It's okay."
Natalie gave me a look.
"Oh you don't think I-"
Natalie raised her eyebrow. Then she shook her head. "Look, I'm not saying that you're a cheater, Karlie. But if something did happen, you need to tell Ellis."
She looked serious…and sincere and she was right.
I just nodded.
After saying goodbye to Natalie, Akim, and Michael, me, Tyler, and Ellis left. Everyone was quiet in the car.
Ellis was sitting in the backseat while I sat in the front. I wanted to say something to break the silence but I didn't. I stayed silent.
When Tyler pulled up to my house, I got out of the car and Ellis got out and opened the trunk. It was almost five p.m.
He grabbed my suit cases and placed them down on the ground.
"You're not coming in?" I asked.
Ellis shook his head. "I have some stuff to figure out. I might call you later." He walked around to the rear of the car door and got back in. The car took a few seconds before it drove off and I watched after it.
I bent down and grabbed my suit cases and let myself into my house.
Melissa was on the couch with a shirtless guy on top of her. My eyes grew wide.
They didn't stop.
She immediately pushed the guy off and looked at me and sat up. "You're back!" she smiled, got up and hugged me. She smelled like cigarettes and cologne. "I missed you."
"I missed you too." I said as she released me. Then I looked at the shirtless guy with tattoos all over his body. "Whose this?" I asked.
The man smiled. "I'm Mike."
"Mike. Nice to meet you. Hopefully you two are done because I need to talk to my best friend about personal problems."
Mike nodded. He picked an olive green shirt up from the floor and then put it on his body. Then he causally strolled to Melissa and kissed her softly. "I'll see you tomorrow. Call me, baby." He said and then disappeared out of the door.
I watched after him and then looked to Melissa who was blushing. "Tell me he isn't sexy." She said.
I rolled my eyes. "He is." I shut the door. My two dogs baby and bella appeared from out of the kitchen. They jumped into my arms and I hugged them, letting go of my suit cases. "Hey, baby." I whispered. She had her tongue stuck out, breathing hard.
Bella was in my other arm. Her dark eyes looking into mine. "I missed you too." I sat them down and then looked to Melissa. "Drink."
I led her to the kitchen and then reached into my wine cabinet. She sat on the kitchen counter, watching me. I grabbed two small shot glasses and poured the both of us a shot. I threw mine back immediately and let the taste burn in my throat.
"Jesus." she breathed as she reached for her shot.
I ran my fingers through my hair and poured myself another shot. "I fucked Tyler." I said and then threw another shot back.
Melissa's jaw dropped.
I nodded and poured another. "And I feel…I don't know what I feel." I whispered.
"Does Ellis know?"
"No but he and his sister had an idea. I have to tell him though. I have to."
"I'm scared for you, girl." She poured herself another shot and shook her head.
"Tomorrow. I'm going to tell him tomorrow."
"Yeah, you say that now. Then you end up putting it off until next Monday, then Friday, then Sunday."
"Tomorrow when I get off work."
"Damn you're going back to work the day after you get back?"
"Yeah, I need a distraction. I actually should go back tonight."
"Nah, relax with me tonight."
I nodded and sighed softly. "You didn't…fuck him on my couch did you?"
She shook her head. "On the floor."
I nodded. "You used something right?"
She gave me an 'I'm-not-stupid look.
"I think I'm going to go take a nap."
"It's been a long day." I said and took the bottle of vodka and my cup and went into my bedroom. Yes, I drunk myself silly.