How do you dig yourself out of the deepest hole that you know that you can't get out of? Life has gone completely black and all I can see is the only shadows of gray and the melancholy landscape surrounding me.
I took off a week of work due to bereavement and Mark understood my plight by willingly taking on the duties of the warehouse while I tried to get the funeral arrangements done for my mother. I contacted Alex to, no surprise, refused to have anything to do with our mother's death. In fact, he told me to go to hell over the phone and said he never wanted to see ever again. I decided to handle that can of worms at a later time but, truthfully, I hoped he'd rot in that rehab facility.
Lauren was a godsend. She helped contact a few relatives and friends of my mother while I arranged the funeral arrangements to bury her at the nearby cemetery at Las Padres' Wiley Abbey. At least twenty people showed up from a few neighbors and some cousins I rarely had contact with. Even with a small party, I appreciated the fact they came on her behalf.
We dressed in all black. Lauren with a simple long black dress and me in my basic black suit and tie, the somberness of the funeral only emphasized the realization that the mother was finally gone. The priest made a moving eulogy and I wore sunglasses to cover the tears filling up in my eyes as they lowered her into the ground. I made a silent prayer to God to forgive her and allowed the funeral employees to cover her coffin with dirt. Then with one last gesture, I tossed her favorite flowers, petunias and lilies in with the soil and allowed it to bury her completely.
Attendees hugged me, offered their condolences, and said wonderful things about my mother. This offered me some comfort to which Lauren embraced me close and whispered in my ear. Instantly, I cried into her shoulders.
"It's going to be okay, hon." She said. "It's going to be okay."
Clutching her close, I glanced over her shoulder to see a well-dressed figure standing behind a tall tombstone in the distance. Jason Kendall observed me looking at him as he gestured to me with a nod and offered me his sympathies. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciated his presence. My weeping face returned to Lauren then back to the tombstone to see my ex-lover gone. Immediately, I felt empty.
Lauren slipped her arm around mine and we headed back to her car. She kept me close as I tried to remain strong throughout his sad event.
Once inside the vehicle, I slipped on my seatbelt on the passenger's side and stared back at the cemetery plot.
"Do you want to talk?" She offered.
"About what?" I frowned. "About my feelings? How angry I am that someone broke into my mother's house, strangled her and murdered her?"
My girlfriend exhaled. "Take it from me, Ricky. The police are looking into it. The break-in at your apartment. Your mother's death. It's too coincidental. There's a connection there and we'll find the person or people that did it."
"But why?" I asked her. "Why go after me and the people around me? I don't have any enemies."
She shrugged. "I don't know. That's what we're trying to find out. Right now, you're better off staying close to me." Turning on the ignition, she put the car on drive and headed out.
"Where are we going?"
"Back to my place," she said. "You'll be safer there."
"No!" I protested.
She stopped the car. "What do you mean no? Someone's after you and I need to take you some place safe. My apartment is the best location. No one knows you're there. I mean you practically live there."
I pushed my point. "No, Lauren. I want you drive me to my place in Guillermo."
Her voice clucked. "Ricky…"
"I need time to think, Lauren." I interrupted. "I need to be alone." My eyes pleaded to her. "Please. Take me to my place."
Lauren sighed and started the car. She drove from Wiley Abbey to Guillermo and parked in my complex.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" She questioned. "You don't want me to stay with you?"
Emphasizing my point, I touched her face. "Positive. Please, Lauren. I need a little space to think things through. Plus, I have to settle my mother's estate with Alex even if he's been an asshole about everything. He's still my brother. Give me some time."
"Okay," she said. "But the moment you start feeling down or something drastic happens you call me!"
"I will." I smiled. Leaning in I kissed her and allowed my feelings for her to reassure my judgment. "I love you."
She grinned. "I love you too."
Jumping out of the car, I waved goodbye to her and headed up the stairs to my apartment. It was still messy from the break-in but this time around I wasn't scared to enter. Shutting the door behind me, I inhaled and began picking up the papers that were scattered around the floor. As I gathered each one in my arms, I noticed something tossed to the corner. I picked it up.
It was a picture fame of me and Alex when were kids. I was ten and Alex was six and Mom had taken us to the zoo. Bianca Quinn stood at the center hugging us as she smiled at the cameraman shooting our picture. Suddenly, a gaping hole swallowed my heart and I began to cry.
Embracing the frame, I wept as the sensation of numbness took over. I felt nothing. No pain. No emotion. Only an empty coldness.
I wiped my tears as I tried to find a way to regain back that emotion. Only one person could unlock these feelings I had chosen to imprison away.
Placing the picture frame slowly on the coffee table, I grabbed my car keys and headed out the door.
It was time I paid my Master a visit.
Tearing off my sports coat and tie, I hopped into my vehicle and headed toward Oceanview. The gates of the Kendall manor appeared awfully quiet but I didn't care. I parked my car right in front and rang the doorbell.
As usual Filomena opened the door and was about to greet me but I ignored her presence and walked right past her toward the stairs leading up to Jason's quarters. Instantly, my Dom saw me pass through the hallway as he came out of his bedroom. His surprised face changed the moment he saw me to one of sorrow as he opened his arms wide, offering me a chance to walk into them.
I remained still and emotionless. "I didn't come here for that."
Moving his head from side to side, he cocked his eyebrows. "Then why did you come here, Ricky?"
My nostrils exhaled. "For more games."
I passed right through him, knocking his shoulder and stomped to the gaudy room where my Master kept his special toys. Locating the door, I opened it as swept in as the blond Dom trailed after me and watched me tear through the various secret compartments of the tasteless furniture.
Anger spat from my voice. "Where is it?" I shouted to him.
He shrugged. "What are you looking for?"
Darting to each area of the room, I tore through the closets, end table drawers, and underneath the chairs. I found nothing. Then my eyes transfixed on the large, wooden totem pole. I sprinted toward it, pulled open the cabinet and located his accoutrements handing on the side of the secret door.
"Let's try the whip!" I yelled. Yanking out the leather strap, I tossed it out. Then my eyes noticed a wooden flat board. "Better yet, the paddle!" I grabbed that and threw it on the floor. However my face recognized an old favorite and clutched it. "No, let's stick with the original! The riding crop!"
Jason became worried and began to make his movements toward me. I raised a hand to stop him.
"No, Master!" I snapped. "You wanted me to be obedient! Well, I willing submit!" I pointed the riding crop in his direction and gave him my request. "Beat me with it! Beat me to the point that I feel something! Anything!"
His face became white. "No, Ricky. I won't do that. That's not what this all about. You're in pain and you're using this to compensate for all your anger and sadness. There's another way. We can simply talk."
Rage fueled me. "I'M SICK OF TALKING! I AM NUMB! I FEEL NOTHING! I NEED TO FEEL SOMETHING! PAIN! PLEASURE! YOU'RE A DOM! PROVE IT! BEAT ME!" Clutching the buttons of my dress shirt, I ripped it open until all the fastenings fell to the floor. I slipped the material off including my undershirt and positioned bare chested to him. Then demonstrating my competence as a slave, I kneeled. Jason still hesitated but I emphasized my point through my gritted teeth. "Do it!"
A sad sigh escaped his voice. He grabbed the tool and edged the end toward the arch of my spine. Pressing the leather flap of the rod against my back, I felt the soft caress of its stroke as it lifted away from me. Then in came down gentle across my shoulder. I barely felt it.
Annoyed, I twisted my mouth. "Harder!"
"No, Ricky." My Master clutched the riding crop. "I won't do this! This isn't consensual or pleasurable! It's sadistic! I don't inflict pain simply for the amusement of it. There has to willingness between both partners!"
"I'm willing!" I growled. "Now take the riding crop and beat me!"
"Ricky…" His voice whispered.
I roared. "DO IT ASSHOLE!"
Closing his eye in disgust, he slowly raised the leather rod but then stopped. "Safe word?"
"I don't need one!" I spat. "I'll let you know if I want you to stop! Now do it!"
Lost emotion appeared through his blue eyes but I didn't care. I wanted to experience the pain and the only the pain and not even my angelic blond would prevent me from going through with it. He brought the riding crop down hard on the top of my back.
Twack. I grunted as it stung. A weird throbbing filled my spine. I needed to have it again.
Jason exhaled and brought down the leather rod across the center of my back.
TWACK! I howled. My back lit up as if it were on fire. It ached with a flaring pain. Still, I was determined to endure it.
"That's enough, Ricky!" My Master shouted. "You can't sustain any more pain! I might break your skin!"
Tears filled my eyes as I refused to listen to him. I wiped my face and glared at him. "I…don't…care! Beat me harder!"
The blond man slowly put down the riding crop. He slowly backed away but my stubbornness would not let him walk away that easily. Though my tears, I laughed manically as I baited him.
"You call yourself a Master?" I taunted him. "You're not a Dom! You're simply a fucked up, spoiled rich boy who can't get it up unless you beat your slaves! Alex was right! You're a pathetic loser! No wonder I chose Lauren over you! She knows how to really turn me on then some impotent wannabe dominatrix fucker like you!"
I must have hit a nerve. His angelic face turned to one of a possessed demon. Raising the leather crop high, he laid it across my back with such incredible force.
My spine felt like an inferno. I howled. I finally pushed his buttons and hit a nerve.
"Goddamn you, Ricky!" His jeweled blue eyes filled with tears. "I loved you! Why can't you see that?"
TWACK! TWACK! The rod smacked my bottom and then the side of my thigh. I roared in anguish as the rawness of my skin started to seep through my head. My Master didn't stop.
"I gave you what you wanted but you threw it all away!" He cried. "Can't you see that everything I do is for you!"
The riding crop attacked my left shoulder and arms. TWACK! TWACK! The flaring pain became too much and I crumpled into a ball and braced myself for more. With my back aching and every part of my body experiencing the soreness of each lash, I began to sob as incoherent words spilled out of my mouth.
"Stop! No more…please…Master…Mom…Mommmmy….!"
Panting heavily, Jason slowly lowered the rod and dropped to the carpet. My tears soaked the fibers as I sensed his nearness. He crawled over to me and held me in his arms. The recognizable comfort of his muscular limbs soothed the throbbing pain all over my body. His strong fingers stroked my hair and his planted a kiss on my forehead. I wept into his chest.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"No…I am." I whimpered. "I don't know how…to get through this…Jason. My mother's dead…how do I cope?"
His thumb lifted my chin. "You live. Live for yourself and you'll learn to deal with her passing. No matter how tragic. You will survive this. You're stronger than you think, Ricky."
My eyes continued to well up. "I don't think I'm as strong as you think I am."
His face smiled as we wiped away my tears with his fingers. "Trust me. You are."
Lowering his mouth to mine, I experienced the familiar warm breath that I had missed for a while. Our lips connected and it all became routine. Tongues savored, tasted, and we sampled our affections in one swoop of our mouths uniting. I wrapped my hands around his neck as he gently lowered me back against the carpet.
My spine touched the fibers and I immediately winced.
Jason panicked. "Ricky, what's wrong?"
"My back!" I stated. "It hurts a little!"
He spun me around and traced an outline down my back with his hands.
"No wonder." He sighed. "You're starting to bruise up. This is why I don't get too aggressive with my whippings. The whole point of BDSM is not to leave a mark. It'll be a week before you start to heal up."
I pouted with embarrassment concerning my risky behavior. "Jason, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking clearly."
His thumb pressed my mouth. "Shh, don't be. You were hurting. I'm just glad I refrained before causing any permanent damage. Now, wait here. I have another idea that will make this pleasurable for both of us."
I kneeled on the floor as my Master got up and went to the open totem pole to retrieve something from the secret compartment. Taking a long cord of rope, he stood up in front of me.
"Take off your clothes." He instructed.
Being a dutiful slave, I obeyed. I slipped off my shoes, socks, and shimmied out of my pants and underwear until I was fully naked. Then the blond Dom maneuvered behind me.
"Don't move." He ordered.
Wrapping the cord around my neck, he knotted it tight but just enough to allow me to breathe. Next, he slipped the rope underneath my armpits over my shoulders and around my waist. The rest of it he latched through the bottom of my scrotum until both ends of the cord connected through the crack of my ass to form one huge knot that bounded my wrists behind my back. Now tied up and helpless, I awaited further directions from my Dom.
"This is nice." I commented on the comfortable feel of the rope tightening around me. "It's actually soft. What material is this?"
"It's a double knotted hemp." Jason replied. "It's perfect for bondage games. Plus, the makers make the cord extra strong without ruining or bruising the skin. How do you feel?"
"Good." I said. "I'm enjoying the restraint and it's soft enough so that doesn't hurt me. I'm doing okay." I reassured him.
"Perfect." He commented. "The picture of ultimate slave in bondage!"
I tried to look down by the way the rope was knotted limited my movements. I stared at my Master.
"Why didn't you bind my ankles?" I asked him.
He licked his lips. "I wanted that part of you free. I need yours open for this." He grabbed his package and I instantly understood his intentions. I definitely was happy that he didn't tie up my feet.
I smiled as he slowly unbuckled his belt, undid the buttons of his pants, and unzipped. Within seconds, his cock was released free from the elastic of his underwear and dangled in front of me.
"Suck it!" My Master's voice boomed.
Eagerly, I crawled. With my hands bound behind me but with legs free, I had to trouble getting close to that gorgeous thick dick of his. Pinching the girth in between his fingers, he rubbed the limp flesh across my cheek and propped open my mouth to take him in. He pressed the head through my lips.
His gifted endowment stretched the inside of my cheek. I wrapped my lips tight around his massive girth and soon I could feel the blood pumping though the meaty flesh. It became hard and filled my tongue as I gladly welcomed him while he grabbed the back of my head and pushed himself down my throat. Jason's erection tickled my tonsils at the same time my salvia moistened his shaft. It was a perfect partnership.
"Yeah, my slave." I heard him grunt. "Suck it! Suck that big dick!"
As his Sub, I was more than eager to please. I took in his whole erection and swallowed him hard. A bit of his head went too far deep that I had to pull away from him to cough.
The blond man grew concerned. "You okay, Ricky?"
I choked a bit, my eyes filling with tears of, as I inhale a bit of oxygen. The irritant in my voice quickly passed.
"I'm fine, Master." I answered. I attempted to drink in his cock again but my Dom grabbed my face.
"No! It's my turn!" He growled.
Gently forcing me on my back, the soreness of my bruises soon went away as the blond hunk pulled my knees up so that he could spread them for his delight. He palmed my slender chest, bent down to tease my nipple with his mouth before lowering his hand to my shaved groin to grab my flaccid dick.
"I'm so glad you kept yourself shaved." Jason whispered in my ear. Nibbling on the lobe, he giggled. "Does Detective Lauren appreciate it too?"
I nodded. "She likes me smooth, Master."
The tall man exhaled. "Well, remember Ricky, I had it first."
Of course, I remembered. The man took away from virginity. I wasn't going to forget that. He spat into his hand and with his fingers moist, gripped the center of my cock and slowly began to stroke me.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Instantly, I became hard.
"How I miss tasting you." My lover cooed. He proved how much he longed for me by lowering his head and swallowing my whole cock in between his mouth. The pressure of his lips became like a vacuum and I shut my eyes so that my erection could enjoy the wicked pleasures Jason Kendall was releasing out of me.
I bucked my free hips up and down.
Soft hums escaped his lips as I listened to wonderful suckling sounds and naughty strokes of his mouth consuming every inch of my dick. A small build-up of pre-cum dropped on his tongue and he slowly released his hold on me so that he could allow me to taste of a bit of my saltiness on my lips. As usual, I tasted heavenly.
We kissed for a minute, letting our mouths pucker repeatedly until finally my Master pulled me in a sitting position with the ropes and got up from the floor to pull another sex toy from the compartment of the totem pole. His hand was holding one long silk scarf. I became fascinated by it.
"What's that?" I asked.
He kicked off shoes, peeled his socks and pulled down is pants. As soon as he was in his underwear, he grinned at me. "Have you ever tried breath control?"
I've read about these the element of breath control from reading about BDSM activities on the internet. I never imagined my Dom being remotely interested in that.
My eyes widened. "You're going to choke me?"
"Not necessarily." He explained. "I'm going to wrap the scarf tight around your neck. With the restraint of the rope and the added pressure of the scarf around your neck, it will heighten the act of pleasure as I remove little bit of air from your lungs. Again, this is area of trust and we've already established that. If you're really too afraid not to try this, then we won't. I'll leave it up to you."
My eyes scanned my knees. The thought of having him control my breathing frightened me yet the idea of my Dom being in complete authority of over my body excited me. I've allowed the man to take my virtue, my body, and soul so giving him full dominion over my life made this even more intriguing. Despite my reservations, I decided it was well worth the risk. I nodded.
"Very well, Master." I said. "However, leave enough room for me to breathe out my safe word."
"And what will that safe word be?" He grinned.
"Jason." I responded. "Simply Jason."
The blond hunk's face lit up light a Christmas tree. I couldn't tell if he was flattered or overjoyed. He was appreciative that I was still thinking of him.
"Good." He agreed. Slipping the silk scarf around my neck, he made two lengths of the material descend to both sides of his hands. Leaving me wearing the neck accessory and bondage cords, he stripped off his underwear which allowed me a wonderful glimpse of his rock hard ass and padded to the totem pole to remove a condom wrapper and a bottle of lube. Then he ripped open the package, sheathed the rubber on his already hard phallus and squirted a huge glob of the lotion on his erection before returning to me.
With his large shaft at full attention, he grabbed the ropes to pull me forward and forced me straddle his thighs.
"Mount me." His voice demanded.
Bracing myself on my tiptoes, I rotated my bare ass until the tip of his lubed cock near my hole. Since my wrists were bound, it made contact with my entrance even more difficult but luckily my Master grabbed my hips to steady me. With some coaxing, I finally felt the head and lowered myself down. All the way down. His cock buried deep inside my rectum and I gasped.
"Oh shit! Oh shit!" I panted trying to accept all of his girth inside me.
His hardness burrowed through, filled me to the hilt and I endured the discomfort as the pressure of my ass begged to be release him. Instead, Jason took the lead and slammed into me. I growled.
"You like that, Ricky?" The blond Dom verbalized. "You like that dick in your ass?"
In truth, I did. It spread my insides apart and created a wicked heat that craved to be tempered. The tall man slammed hard into me and I cried out in agony."
"Yes, Master!" I begged. "Fuck me!"
The Dom's body stilled. "How much do you want it, slave? Tell your Daddy, how much you want it!"
My anal walls sang. "I want it, Daddy! I want it very much!"
A deep thrust withdrew and re-entered. I panted in response.
"Tell me, son! Tell me how much you want it from Daddy!"
His cock rammed with intense fury. I shouted. "I want all of it, Daddy! I want all of it, Master!"
The blond hunk stopped with the teasing and instead continued to spread me apart. I inhaled but only little bit of air came through my lungs as the silk scarf and the rope tightened its hold around my neck. My eyes opened wide as my Master clutched both lengths of the material and pulled roughly.
"Master…" I gasped. "Master…"
My Dom ignored me as he continued to pump furiously inside me. An intense burning filled my rectum as my cock twitched, shook, and vibrated. The combination of my fullness matched by the throbbing of my cock brought on a euphoric feel. I closed my eyes and stopped to considering that I needed oxygen to enjoy the moment.
A few words escaped from my struggling breath.
Jason was too lost in his sensations to notice me. His hips flexed, bucked like a madman, as his cock sank deep into the abyss of our union. He grunted and panted more wildly, pulling the scarf even tighter to the point I felt my body falling. I tried to form words but failed and instead focused on my hungry ass being attended to and my dick surging for a release.
Finally, the words came from my mouth.
"I'm…cumming…Jason…" I whispered.
My cock gushed with my orgasm on his belly at the same time my Dom made a few more hard slams inside my ass. He cried out at the moment the air finally ended in my lungs and my eyes rolled to the back of head. I saw my body rising.
Those were the last words I remember as I submitted to the blackness.