From the diaries of Detective Lauren Morrisey.
Match.com is total bullshit. The last two freaks I dated on this site turned out to have criminal records. One got arrested in Vegas for drug possession and the other for domestic battery of his ex-girlfriend. The reason I found this out was I did a background check on them. It helps when you work in law enforcement. I wish all dating sites offered this information so that every unsuspecting woman knew what they were getting themselves into. It would solve a heap of problems. Sad to say, I'm cancelling my account with them and considering joining the convent. At least, the Holy Order of the Manhating Sisterhood will help get over the fact that there are no good men out there in the world. I think it's time for a career change.
As for work, I fucked up royally. Thankfully, I was dressed for the part as cop screw-up in my simple blouse and jeans. My questioning of Alex Quinn in Long Beach violated the boundary lines of our Hard Rock investigation case and Lieutenant Price and found out about it and dragged me in kicking and screaming into his office. Let's just say the meeting didn't go well.
"Morrisey! You're out of line!" My supervisor yelled at me. I could tell that he was visibly upset so I knew this wasn't going to end well. "I told you specifically to drop your investigation into the Zagreski Circle and focus on the Anatole family!"
"But Lieutenant," I attempted to reason with him. "I followed my hunch and checked out Alejandro Quinn at the rehab center in Long Beach. He mentioned a few things about the Anatoles and possibly some connection to the Zagreskis."
The law enforcement supervisor shook his head. "We interrogated the suspect, Boots, that you and Vargas brought in once again and he revealed a couple more names for us. Vargas and your fellow officers checked out the leads and all pointed fingers toward the Anatoles. You went off on your own without consulting me and instead chose to follow some personal vendetta against the Zagreskis when I told you not to! How is that going to look when we bring this case to court and the defense decides to use the fact that you went out of our jurisdiction to question another witness who isn't part of this case?"
I pulled out a file I was carrying with me with various documents and placed it on his desk in front of him. "Lieutenant, check this out. These are phone records and bank statements showing communication between Alex Quinn's brother, Enrique, and Jason Kendall. Jason Kendall has partnered with several businesses owned by the Zagreski family. You can't tell me that this is a coincidence?"
"Sharing a business and personal information doesn't prove that Hard Rock is being sold and distributed," argued Price. "We need hard evidence to prove that the Zagreskis are involved with the drug trade in Las Padres. We have more than enough to prove that the Anatoles are responsible for the suicide death of Jeffrey Anderson. That is where we are focusing on. Like I said, Lauren, let INTERPOL and the Feds deal with the Zagreskis. They're not our concern."
Despite his advice, I refused to back down. "Lieutenant, I have to disagree. I've questioned Jason Kendall at his company and he seems a bit nervous when I mentioned his business partners the Zagreskis. I know there's something there. If you give me a little more time to prove…"
"THAT'S IT!" The law enforcement supervisor slammed his hand on his desk. "YOU'RE WAY OUT OF LINE, LAUREN!" He was more than upset. He was enraged. "I warned you already to leave the Zagreski case alone but you're too stubborn to listen! Starting today, I'm taking you off this case! You'll be partnered with Fields on the high school sting he's working on!"
My jaw dropped. "Lieutenant Price! You can't do that! I'm so close to cracking down on this investigation!"
He disagreed. "You're nowhere near to solving this case! I told you to focus all your attention to Anatoles. Instead, you're defying me to go off on your own to follow a lost cause! Right now, I have every right to strip you of your badge and suspend you but you're a good cop, Morrisey, and I can think you can do better helping Officer Fields with his undercover work in the Las Padres high schools!"
"What about Detective Vargas?" I asked. "She's going to need a partner."
"I'll partner her with someone on the narcotics team," he answered. "For now, you're sticking to the high school sting operation! Now find Fields and let him know you're on his team!" He pointed to the door.
Defeated, I stomped out of his office only to be greeted by my best friend, Sylvia Vargas, who was heading down the hallway. She only had to glance at my face to see how upset I was.
"Lieutenant Price removed you from the Hard Rock case?" Sylvia questioned.
I nodded sadly. "My independent investigation pissed him off. I'm off the case and back to doing high school narcotics work."
"At least you're not suspended, Lauren." She always had a way of being optimistic. "Cheer up. The high school stings don't last very long as we're close to arresting the Anatoles so Lieutenant Price will put you back on the team."
"I suppose," I sighed. "Right now, I got to find Officer Fields and let him know I'm enlisted on his team."
"Field's a good guy," smiled Sylvia. "You'll like working with him."
Rolling my eyes, I frowned. "I hope so. I'm already pissed off that I got demoted to babysitting snot-nosed teenagers."
"Snot-nosed, rich, junkie teenagers," corrected Vargas as she laughed. "Some of whom have too much of money from their wealthy parents than they know what to do with. You do know Fields's case is taking place in a prep school?"
"Whatever." I groaned. "I've already had it with rich folks. They seem to think that if they have money, they can do whatever they want." I was referring to this Jason Kendall of Kendall Conglomerate International and his association with the Zagreski Circle. The blond C. E. O. and corporation owner knew how to hide his tracks well. "One day, it'll all come crashing down."
"Spoken like a true anarchist," giggled Sylvia. She began to walk away. "I got to get back to my work. Good luck with Fields's team."
"You too," I replied.
I walked down the hall to where Officer Fields was preparing his group for the sting operation. His eyes spotted me as I soon as walked out the door as he pulled out a preppy schoolgirl's outfit. Something told me that I would be posing as an undercover teenager.
Oh fucking hell! I screamed to myself.
Sure enough, I got roped into playing some undercover snot-nosed, rich preppy teenager. As Fields went on and on about the undercover sting at the wealthy Dorchester Prep, I couldn't help but think about Ricky Quinn's connection to Jason Kendall and Kendall's connection to the Zagreski Circle. Doubts still lingered in my mind. Leaving work with the expectations of my duties on the high school narcotics case, I decided to pay Ricky Quinn a visit.
It was 6:00 p. m. in the evening when I located his apartment complex in the beach town of Guillermo. I a parked my car into one of the guest spots of the parking lot and headed up the stairs to ring his bell.
The dark haired man answered the door covered in paint, wearing an apron as he greeted me with a smile.
"Detective Morrisey?" He appeared to be surprise. "To what do I owe the pleasure? No more questions, I hope?"
"A few," I replied. "Don't worry, I'm not here to probe you. I'm taking you up on your offer to check out this coming-out meeting group you talked about. It meets tonight if I recall?"
He nodded as he let him inside. "Yeah, I was going to get ready." He glanced down at himself. "Sorry, I'm a mess. I was doing some painting when you arrived. Why don't you sit down and I'll go clean up? Would you like anything to drink? Water, soda, beer?"
"Water would be fine," I answered. My host scampered into the kitchen to grab a water bottle from the fridge and to hand me one. Thanking him, I twisted off the cap to drink as I sat down the couch as he excused himself into the bathroom to shower and change. Curious, I glanced around to room to see various sculptures put up and a few handmade paintings scattered around the walls. I rose from the couch to check out the easel he was working on and became awestruck. On the canvas was a series of cubist imagery, colors and lines that resembled a priceless art piece that easily could be hanging in a museum. Words couldn't describe the object. It was absolutely magnificent and breathtaking.
"What do you think?"
His voice startled me from behind. I turned around to see Ricky Quinn dressed in a simple gray t-shirt and jeans. Perhaps it was my lack of male companionship or the fact that I hadn't gotten laid in a really long time but I never noticed how extremely attractive he was. The dark hair and dark brown eyes complimented his light ivory skin tone and for a slender guy he knew how to fill a t-shirt. The tiny formations of muscle formed along the pectorals of his chest which went well with the small horizontal line of his shoulders and tightly toned slender arms and legs. His lean framed filled his jeans precisely to a tee and despite having a small butt, his cute derriere was perfectly flat and squared. A strange quiver vibrated through my groin and I tried to clench my vaginal walls tight so that no droplet of dew stained panties but already I could feel some moistness running through. Luckily, I managed to stay dry.
"It's beautiful," I exclaimed with my face flushed. I then realized he was referring to the painting. My eyes darted back to the canvas. "Oh…the painting. It's wonderful! It reminds me of one of those Picassos."
"Thanks," he laughed. "That's what I was going for."
"Did you do all these?" I pointed to all the artwork around his apartment.
Alex nodded. "Yeah. I went to art school in L. A. I had tons of offers to work for several companies in their art department but I had to turn them down."
I flinched. "Why?" The man had so much talent.
Releasing a sigh, he cast his eyes down. "My Mom got sick and I had to take care of her and Alex. That's why I became warehouse manager here in Guillermo. I've gotten away from doing art so I'm slowly starting to get back into it."
"I'm glad." I had to agree. The man was extremely gifted. It was such a waste that he was working some mundane job. I could sympathize with the importance of earning a paycheck to survive. He folded his arms and shrugged knowing full well my reasons for visiting him.
"So do you have any other questions for me for your case or should I be worried?"
Shaking my head, I offered him some reassurance. "You and Alex are off the hook. The info he gave me helped our investigation into looking toward the Anatoles into their drug dealings with Hard Rock." This was a partial lie. Our narcotics team had already redirected their energies on the Russian crime family so my presence here was simply personal. However, I wasn't going to tell him that. "I just wanted to show my support in regards to your whole coming-out process with being gay."
He blushed. It was kind of cute. Lifting his eyes at me, he giggled. "I'm…not exactly gay…I mean I am. I like men. But…I like women too."
I cocked my head a little. "So you're bi?"
"I guess…sort of…" he stammered. "I mean it's confusing. I like men, women, transgendered people, and I dated someone who was intersexed back in college?"
"Intersexed?" I raised my eyebrows. I've never heard of the term. "What is that?"
"The un-PC term is hermaphrodite." He educated me. "A person born with both sexes. We use intersex now."
"Oh!" I was surprised. It certainly opened my eyes to a few things. "Does your mother and Alex know?"
"Alex identifies himself as gay," Ricky explained. "He came out to me a few years ago when I discovered how bad is drug habit was. He thinks I am too but I never explained my attraction to various people so I let him think what he wants. My Mom is very homophobic so we both pretty much keep things in closet from her."
The idea that he had to hide himself made me sad. I always prided myself to being open about other people's creeds, beliefs, and sexual orientation. The fact that Ricky's own flesh and blood despised homosexuals tore out my heartstrings. No one should be made to feel inferior not even one's own family members. I began to see the young man in a different light.
"I'm sorry," I responded.
"Don't be," he inhaled. "It's the way things are sometimes. Tell you what, you're showing your support by joining me at the coming-out group at the Spectrum so that shows courage on your part. The group starts in half and hour so why don't you ride with me to the center and there you can meet Mark."
I smiled. "I would love to." This Mark I assumed he was referring to was Jason Kendall's transgendered brother. It couldn't be more perfect.
I trailed after him in his car as we drove fifteen minutes to the downtown area of Las Padres. The conversation was pleasant as we shared our interests in music, art, and movies. This time I was more relaxed as I let my guard down and learned more about the man I was secretly investigating. Finally, I had met a guy with a little more substance and who didn't want to get in my pants at our first meeting. Too bad, it turned out that he was gay, bi, or whatever.
We got to the GLBTQ center, The Spectrum, at 7:00 p. m., parked in the lot, and met with a taller dark haired gentleman in casual attire who was waiting for Ricky outside of the building. He was a gorgeously, handsome fellow with the looks of a male model. I kept envisioning posing in front of the cover of Details Magazine. His face showed surprised as we walked up.
"Hi Ricky," he greeted. He then looked at me with great interest. "Who's your date?"
"Detective Morrisey isn't my date," Ricky corrected. "She's merely here as a supporter of the community." The young man gestured to me. "Detective Morrisey, this my friend, Mark Kendall. Mark, Detective Morrisey."
Mark and I shook hands as he eyed me suspiciously.
"Please call me Lauren," I suggested. "I'm off the clock and I'm not wearing a badge so you can call me by my first name."
"Lauren Morrisey…" Mark began. "You're the one who questioned my brother earlier today at his office? You know? Jason Kendall?"
Ricky's eyes widened. "I thought you said that we weren't part of your investigation? That you found another lead in your case?"
"We did." I tried to backpedal. "It was all preliminary. I questioned you and Alex as I did with Mark's brother Jason. Luckily, you're not suspects in this case and I just found out today from our Lieutenant that another group is involved with the drug trafficking in the city so you guys are off the hook. I promise you there will be no more questions."
Mark relaxed. "That's a relief." I could still sense he was still suspicious of me. "So why are you here?"
"Ricky invited me." I informed him. "As an ally of the community. Plus, it helps with sensitivity training at work. I can't tell you how some of my fellow officers on the force can be homophobic and chauvinistic toward others. I'm considering proposing a community outreach program at work that will educate my coworkers about the GLBTQ community. Hence, why I'm here." Okay, that was a complete fabrication but it was at least going to get me through the door.
Surprisingly, Ricky agreed. "See, Mark, she's here for good intentions. It'll be good to educate the Las Padres police department about the dangers of homophobia. She's an ally."
The tall dark haired man still wasn't convinced. "She does know that I'm…"
"A trans man." I answered. "Yes. Ricky informed me of your gender transformation. Don't worry, he didn't reveal any personal information. I have to say, Mark, that I'm proud of you for discovering your true path and changing your life around. That's very courageous of you. I find that admirable."
"Thank you," Mark smiled. "It's still a work in progress." More members entered the center. "I think we should go in now."
"I agree," said Ricky.
I followed the two men inside as we gathered inside a large room where other gentlemen were seated in a circle. Being the only woman, I was a bit intimidated until the moderator Douglas introduced me.
"Gentleman," the older man announced. He had a strange, Bohemian hippy quality about him and instantly I became fascinated by his aura. "We have a guest tonight. Ricky brought along an ally to sit in our group session. I would like to introduce you to Detective Lauren Morrisey."
A round of claps greeted me. I stood from my chair and waved. "Hi, I'm Detective Lauren Morrisey. Just Lauren. I'm not at work. I'm a straight female. Though I've had a few lesbian experiences in college but I self-identify as heterosexual." Now this was true. I've played in the vagina pool back in college and though it was fun I found that I liked dick more.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Ricky lift his eyebrows. One of the gentlemen, a portly man named Reeves raised his hand. I addressed him.
"I'm sorry to ask something so personal," Reeves began. "But did you enjoy your lesbian experiences? I mean how did you know you're not a lesbian?"
Douglas intervened. "Lauren, you don't have to answer that. For the record, our guest is here as a supporter, friend, and ally. She's here to observe and learn. Her own sexuality shouldn't be put into question and however she self-identifies should be embraced and accepted. That goes for everyone else in the room. We should hold judgment on anyone no matter their sexual orientation."
"Thank you, Douglas," I addressed the older man. "No, I can respond to Reeves' question. Yes, I did have enjoyable experiences with women back in school. I don't regret any of it but I've found that I was attracted to men more than women so I concluded that I was straight. Just as many of you are finding yourselves to be either gay, bisexual, or any other sexual preference."
"I agree with Lauren."
Ricky came to my defense. "Look, I always say I'm questioning because I am. It's hard to self-identify myself because I find myself attracted to everyone which confuses the community even more. No one should be made to label themselves. As I said before, sexuality has fluidity. No one has to be one way on the sexual attraction scale. They can go up and down if they choose to."
The young man's argument impressed me. Here was a guy who thought about sexual attraction and orientation on much deeper level than on what was on the surface. He explored and conceptualized sexuality differently than how other's perceived it. He went on and on about the various shades of colors, speaking in metaphors in reference to art and about how everything isn't entirely black and white and that there is always going to be a gray hue in the color spectrum. As in sexual orientation, there is always gray and not everything can easily be defined but what is seen at face value. His logic beguiled me as the first stirrings of butterflies tumbled in my belly. I started to show some interest.
"Ricky's right," added Mark who stood up. "As a trans man, I struggle with identifying my own sexual orientation. When I was female, I was intimate with men as well as women and since my change I'm still confused by who I find an attraction toward. I like looking at men but I also enjoy the company of women. It would be easy to refer to me as bi but then it gets complicated when you bring in other transgendered and intersexed people into the mix."
Douglas nodded. "Mark has a point. That's why it's important for everyone in the group to understand that you don't have to necessarily self-identify right away. Some know early on. Others down the road. Then there are some who will never know. That fact is your sexuality is interpreted by you and you shouldn't be judged for it."
"Exactly." I piped in. "I've always believed that the GLBTQ is about acceptance, tolerance, and embracing everyone. That's why my purpose here is to educate myself, resolve my own ignorance, and hopefully educate others in my chosen field. "
"You're making the first step," the moderator. "Just by being here and showing your support. Good to have you on board, Lauren."
"Thank you." I smiled. I never felt more welcomed.
For the next two hours, I learned a lot from the other members. I listened to their sad stories of coming out, being ostracized from their families and friends, bitter divorces from their spouses after revealing their sexual orientations, and the feeling of isolation from their communities. Hearing their confessions left a hole in my heart that I almost wanted to cry but thankfully, Ricky held my hand and allowed me to listen to each and every one of the gentlemen's stories.
After the meeting, I got a chance to hug and converse with a few of the men and was even extended an invite back by Douglas the moderator. Ricky, Mark and I left the building to head out of our cars when the trans man offered me a hug to which I happily accepted it. In my head, I knew I had broken through his barriers of trust. I now was infiltrating the enemy.
"Thank you for coming, Detective Lauren," said the dark haired gentleman. "It means a lot to all of us that you were here."
"I'm glad I came." I replied. "It was real eye opener for me too."
Mark began to walk to his car and stopped to wave to me. "Hopefully, we could get together for coffee or lunch sometime."
"I'd like that!" I grinned as I watched him get in his car to drive away. Like a gentleman, Ricky opened the passenger door for me to his vehicle and helped me inside.
"Well, what did you think?" He asked me as we drove back to his apartment complex in Guillermo.
"It was marvelous." I answered. "I finally understand what the community goes through and the struggles they are facing. I now have some info that I can share with coworkers once we get the sensitivity training going."
"Good." He responded. "A little bit goes a long away."
We drove back to Guillermo and back to his apartment where my own car was waiting for me. Helping me out of the passenger's side, we stood in the parking lot and began to discuss our families and our childhood. Through Ricky, I learned about his single mother, Bianca, and her struggles to maintain an income to support him and his miscreant, younger brother, Alex, while growing up as biracial children of an absentee Anglo father and Mexican mother. Through me, I shared my Irish, French, Scottish family where my father was a cop and my mother a homemaker in Hartford, Connecticut. I was an only child so my Dad pushed in me into sports because he wanted a son and I've been trying to live up to his expectations of being a substitute male. Sadly, we never developed into a real father-daughter relationship.
Ricky listened to my background intently and showed some compassion. "I guess we're all dealing with our own childhood traumas."
"Maybe," I sighed. "The sad part is that is does carry into our adulthood."
"Tell me about it." He responded. "Remember when I told you that I was molested as a child?"
I almost forget about that. A stab of sorrow pierced my heart. "What do you remember about that?"
"No much." The young man admitted. "I mostly blocked it out. I don't even remember who it was or what he even looked like." His eyes lowered as he tried to recall the horrifying event. "I just know it happened. Even my Mom doesn't know about it and I don't want to shock her with the news. I kept a secret all these years and it's manifested in my trust issues with people and any possibility of kind of relationships for me. That's why I go to group so I can sort it out and deal with this."
I sympathized. Victims of sexual abuse try to cope with the pain of their past in various ways. Some shut down. Others turn to drugs. While those like Ricky Quinn avoid the public and refuse to let anyone in. The investigator in me decided to probe in another painful memory of the incident.
"Was Alex also sexually abused too?"
Ricky slowly nodded.
It all added up. His younger brother's involvement with drugs stemmed from his need to cope with the tragedy of their past which explained why Alex turned to a life of crime. However, it doesn't excuse the younger Quinn's behavior especially since Ricky managed to deal with it and become a productive member of society.
"We haven't really discussed what happened to us." Ricky continued. "We've both swept the incident under rug and as you can see, it hasn't really worked out for the both us."
"It takes time to heal, Ricky." I stated. "You're on the right track by going through your group meetings and dealing with your childhood traumas. Even your brother is doing the same even in rehab."
"I think rehab is the best place for him," he remarked.
"I couldn't agree more." Sadness showed on his face as he discussed Alex so I wanted to show my sympathies by stepping forward and hugging him. My other foot must have got caught on the side on the side of my heel because before I knew it I had tripped and landed right into Ricky's arms who thankfully caught me.
Glimpsing a view of his dark eyes, I sensed a twinge of excitement rising from my spine. Before I knew it, he drew his face down and his mouth had pressed against mine. Soft pillowy lips connected and I closed my eyes as my whole body shook with an electrical jolt. My left hand cupped his neck while my right fingers stroked his dark hair and tasted his mouth with my tongue as his own savored my tastebuds and made illicit puckering sounds.
Beneath my blouse and the underwire of my bra, my nipples hardened as he hands slid across my back to cup the back of my ass. Then his fingers found my bottom and squeezed hard as I gasped. His erection was growing and I rubbed the front of my jeans against his fly as my own moistness was aching to be dipped into. We prolonged the kiss for a few seconds longer before he slowly removed his mouth from mine and grinned with embarrassment.
"Sorry…uh…I got carried away." He curled his mouth with shame.
I backed away. "Don't be. I wasn't regretting the moment." I laughed as he tried to cover up his hard-on. "I see you were enjoying it too." I glanced down. "I guess you can say that you're not totally gay."
Ricky shook his head and cracked a smile. "I never said I was." Scratching his head, he stuttered for minute to get some words out. "Detective…Lauren…I realize this is sudden…but would you consider having dinner with me Friday night?"
My mouth opened wide. "Are you asking me out, Ricky Quinn?"
He nervously rocked from side to side. "Um…yeah. Look if you're busy…"
"I'd love to!" I chimed in. Hell, I wouldn't turn down an open invitation. Ricky Quinn might be my suspect but he's a cute one! "Pick me up at seven. Here's my address." I pulled my notepad from the back of my jeans, wrote down on a piece of paper my residence in Del Lydia, and handed it to him. He slipped into the front pocket of his pants. When the excitement wound down, the realization finally hit me. I had to ask him a deeply personal question. "Ricky, exactly how old are you?"
"Twenty three. Why?"
"Damn," I said. "I'm twenty six. I feel like a cougar!"
"A hot cougar," he joked. "There's only a three year age gap. It's not like you're forty."
Forty? Where did that idea come from? I mean I keep myself in good shape and take care of my body. I don't look that old, do I? I mean there are some good looking forty year olds. Just look like Jason Kendall. He might be pushing the big 4-0 but he looks like he's in his early thirties. The man doesn't age and looks just as dashing as ever even if he is a criminal. I really need to stop comparing myself to the people I'm scoping.
"Seven, it is." Ricky responded. He waved goodbye to me as I headed to my car and pulled out of the lot.
Observing him from rearview mirror, I noticed how extremely sexy he looked with the night sky illuminating his features in the background. My face flushed with the rush of remembering his innocent face. There was something so enticing about the young man that I wanted to know about. Hopefully on this date I would uncover a lot more.
For now, I would reach my apartment in Del Lydia and fantasize about my infatuation with the help of a nice bubble bath and a loofa sponge.