Serene. That's my name. It isn't really a bad name, and I don't
mind having it, after all what can be expected from hippie
parents like mine? But at the same time… I can't help but feel
I'm a disappointment in some way. I'll never live up to that
name, as anyone who knows me would be quick to point out, it's
the exact wrong name for me. I'm always stressed out, always
worrying, borderline paranoid actually. And my heart… well, it's
the furthest thing from calmed or relaxed. I've never kept a
boyfriend more than a couple weeks, my heart can never settle on
one boy, always shifting from one to another. All my relations
are the same, in the beginning I ignore all their faults and
mistakes, whenever they do something to hurt me, I ignore it, and
whenever they do something I kind I grab onto it… but then I
start noticing the little things, annoying things and soon I
can't even figure out why I liked him to begin with!
It's exhausting, trust me.
But life isn't bad, I have nice friends (don't know why they
bother hanging out with me in the first place), a good family,
including the best parents ever. They actually encouraged me to
try wine when I was 13 (I still haven't forgiven them for that,
actually). But still, there's something missing. I feel like I
was born into an expectation I can never fulfill, but I have no
idea what it is!
And so I just try. Everyday, I do my best to find that serenity,
that happiness, that… whatever it is that I'm meant to find, and
everyday I feel it coming closer, I'm just afraid it'll finally
get here and I won't recognize it in time.
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