"I wonder what mom and dad would say if they happened to walk
in on this little...rendezvous..."
I couldn't help myself replying, "Yeah... Please forgive us, oh Blessed Virgin Mary!" to her. That drove her to that state when you are both angry, but also laughing out loudly.
After she left the room, I opened the sheets back again. I was pissed off for having called "the thing", but she was actually right. I fell down amongst the lowest forms of humans, that night I raped July.
I picked my clothes from the carpet to wear them. I also picked July's clothes and handed her.
I took a peek at the pills' box standing on Lisa's table, it read "Levonorgestrel". Ah, too long to memorize, but memorizing "Levon..." could be still helpful. I didn't know what I could do to prevent July using those pills, and most importantly, how to make her believe it was safe to be fucked unprotected. But I knew that knowing the medicine's name would be helpful.
After I get clothed, I leaned down to July. I held her head and put a kiss on her forehead. "Good nights, July..."
I didn't say anything as you got dressed because I was too busy
hating Lisa. She is whole reason I'm in this fucked up
situation. She set me off, causing me to drink to the point
where I couldn't even walk. Maybe if it wasn't for her, I would
have never met you after the hot tub. I would have relaxed by
the pool during the day, went to the shows at night, had a real
vacation... not a nightmare.
"Good Night, July..." You kissed my forehead and left the room. Once I was alone I sobbed uncontrollably. The pillows were stained black with mascara run off. How could I let myself enjoy you?
As I was walking to my room, my mind was busy with how I could
prevent July to take those pills. What was its name?
"Levonor..something". I thought of my opportunities. I had a
card that can unlock their room. And I could see whether the
girls were in their room or not. But I couldn't steal the pill,
they would certainly notice and buy another one. I couldn't
possibly force July not to take the pills, neither.
An idea flashed in my mind: Maybe I could replace those pills with a similar one?
When I came to my room, the first thing I did was searching her morning-after pill. With some Google research in my phone, I reached "Levonorgestrel" and what it looked like. White, round pills coming in 3x7 packages. I found a "Pill Identifier" website that shows me a list of medicines, given the shape and color of a pill. It outputted a long list of pills that looked like Levonorgestrel. After 1 hours, I found a painkiller named "Livisiktrol" that came with 3x7 packages. That was a great news!
I took a shower and went to a peaceful sleep. July and a little girl were in my dreams. Little girl had blue eyes and blonde hair, she was smiling at me in July's arms.
I walked over to the table with the pills on it and examined
it. There was enough left in here for me to have one everyday,
and I was happy about that. I took one pill with a glass of
water and crawled back into bed.
The next morning I woke up and decided to reclaim my vacation... I wasn't going to wait around for Lisa or Leo to come find me. I put on a white bikini and headed for pool.
I woke up rather early that morning. I wore my red t-shirt and
jeans, I wasn't going to start working right at that hour of
The first thing I did was going to pharmacy to buy a box of Livisktrol and Levonorgestrel (I wanted to compare the pills before breaking into girls' room). The pharmacist laughed a bit for me to have bought painkiller and birth control pills together, but I just ignored him.
I walked pass the pool, I noticed my girl there. I wouldn't go near her if she wouldn't spot me.
I had my eyes closed, basking in the sun when I felt something
bump into my chair. I opened my eyes just a bit to see a small
child running away. "I'm sorry." A woman said to me as she ran
after the child calling out his name.
"Stupid kids..." I muttered to myself and closed my eyes again. I could feel that familiar heat on my skin, not from the sun but from someone staring. I opened my eyes all the way and found none other than Leo watching me.
I walked towards her with a friendly smile on my face. When I
was near her, I gently kneeled down so that our heads were at
the same level when we talked. "How are you? I hope you feel
better..." I didn't expect a friendly response, I'd still
apologize for my insanity and obsession.
Before leaving, I patted her shoulder, "My shift ends at 7 PM today. Tell Lisa that you will have your dinner with me. Let's meet at the entrance of the deck restaurant."
"How are you? I hope you feel better..." I forced a smile, "I guess I'm as good as I can be..." I looked away from you to all the passengers surrounding us. "My shift ends at 7 PM today. Tell Lisa that you will have dinner with me. Let's meet at the entrance of the deck restaurant." I laughed at you. "I'm not exactly speaking to Lisa right now... but I'll be there."
My smile got even wider as she smiled, even if hers was a
forced one. "I promise I will be gentle. Even better...", I
patted her shoulder in a friendly way.
I walked around the ship to see what Lisa was doing. I wouldn't enter their room before making sure Lisa isn't anywhere else.
I have encountered Lisa when I was on my way to the passenger's
cabins. She looked quite angry and irritable, she was glancing
me as she spotted me. I just nodded my head as if I was
greeting her with a smile on my face.
I found a public restroom at the hall of passenger's cabins. I locked myself inside a toilet cabin to examine the Livisktrol's I had bought. Nice... They just looked like those birth control pills, at least as I had seen in web.
I left the toilet and walked towards July and Lisa's room. I didn't really look different from the passengers with my outfit, I just unlocked girls' room with my personnel card. I stepped inside to find the box of Levonorgestrel. I have replaced the painkillers with the birth control pills, not without popping the exact amount and location of pills. It all looked the same, besides the name of the drugs on aliminum. I just hoped they wouldn't read the names of the drugs before I impregnate July.
The only thing I was remorseful was the possibility of Lisa getting pregnant. Not because I felt pity for her, but she might have brought another person like her to this world, fathered by one of those noisy guys!
After replacing the pills, I left their room, taking care of not changing anything in the room. Birth control pills were at the bag the pharmacist gave me. I climbed up to the deck of the ship. And dumped the birth controll pills to the depths of North Atlantic Ocean!
I spent the rest of the day alone, focusing on myself and my
plan of action. When I finally decided to go back to the room I
hesitantly opened the door hoping to find no one... I was
pleasantly surprised to find the room pitch black. I walked in
and set my bag and cell phone down. It was nearly 6:30 already
and I still needed to get ready for tonight and walk all the
I walked over to the closet and examined my dresses. There was only one dress left unworn. It was a short dress, made of mostly black lace. I slipped it on and admired myself in the mirror. It had long sleeves made of fine black lace that allowed my skin to show through. The collar was also high and made of lace, it was quite sophisticated but still sexy. I rummaged through my makeup and began applying a smoky eye and nude lip color. My brushed my long hair out and tied it up into an elegant bun to accentuate the high collar of my dress.
I walked over to look at the time and noticed it was already 7:10... I smiled a bit because although I didn't want to anger you, I wanted to see you sweat. I wanted you to feel the anxiousness that I felt almost every moment of the day. I wanted you to wonder if I had changed my mind. I took my sweet time walking down the restaurant, even taking the long way. I glanced at my phone just before I made the last turn before I came to the restaurant and noticed it said 7:28. I was nearly 30 minutes late so I wasn't surprised when I turned the corner to find you standing there.
That night, I wore my smartest outfit I had brought with me in
the cruise. Dark gray velvet trousers, black shirt with short
sleeves, polished shoes and a white tie. Maybe it wasn't the
most expensive looking outfit in the ship, but I still looked
good in that.
I was quite anxious at the timespan July hadn't showed up yet. What if she disobeyed me? I could play the "publish your rape to world" move, but that would be the ultimate end for me. I wasn't thinking of suitable punishments, but what the fuck I would do if she reported me. The best solution looked like suicide to me.
I was pacing forth and back at the restaurant's gate when she showed up. Funnily, my anxiety faded away when I saw her in that black lace dress. I just approached her with an admiring smile on my face, "Such a beauty we have...". I held her hand kissed it, "You look even prettier right now, my dear..."
I had almost forgotten I had been waiting for 30 minutes with suicidal thoughts.
"You look even prettier right now, my dear..." You held my hand
as we stood outside of the restaurant. I gave you a one over,
looking at your shirt, pants, and shoes. I didn't say anything,
I didn't want to boost your ego.
"Well... Are we going in?" I said after a minute.
"Yes, we are...", I said leading her to the restaurant, holding
her hand. That wasn't a tight hold, but enough to show people
that we have something between us.
I led her to a table nearby the ocean view, there was a metal chandlier with white, long, unlit candles. "It's good that we haven't lost our reservation for being late.", I said pulling her chair before she sat. I settled at the table facing her, lit the candles between us with a lighter.
A waiter approached us, handled the menus and walked away. "What would you wish, dear?", I asked her after we took a look at the list.
"It's a good that we haven't lost our reservation for being
late." I sat down and sarcastically said. "Oh yes, I would have
been devastated." I looked over the menu and tried to find the
most expensive item. I knew it would be stretch for you to pay
for me and you with only a bartender's salary.
"I'll have the lobster..." I looked over at you to see if I was getting to you yet.
"Hmm, I love lobster, too. But I crave something else tonight".
I motioned the waiter to take our orders.
"We'd like a lobster and a beef entrecôte. As drinks, I'd like a glass of wine...", I looked at July, "...and what would you want, honey?"
After the order is set, I handed the waiter my card. "You must be thinking I am a poor man. Aren't you? My life story is rather long, just let me assure you that I inherited money enough to live my life. But I do love expensive things. A man needs to be working to meet his greed."
"I'd like a glass of wine... and what would you want, honey?"
Honey. I smiled up at waiter, "Something strong." and then
brought my eyes back to you.
"You must be thinking I am a poor man. Aren't you? My life story is rather long, just let me assure you that I inherited money enough to live my life. But I do love expensive things. A man needs to be working to meet his greed." I sighed. You had a response for everything.
I looked out the window, at least I could see the ocean and wasn't forced to either stare at you all night or watch other people eat.
After a quarter hour, our lobster and beef entrecôte were served. We ate them in silence, she was mostly looking out the window, while my eyes were on her. The silence continued even after we finished our meals. All I could say "Would you want some more drink?" to July. I was going to order some more wine for me, I needed alcohol to break my silence.
"Would you want some more drink?" I nodded my head, although I
already felt a good buzz. The waiter had certainly brought me
something strong and I didn't even know what it was called.
After we had one more drink each my face was flushed from the alcohol. The sun was down now and there was nothing to look at outside my window so I turned my attention to you. "If you're so rich then why get a job as a bartender? Hmm. It doesn't make any sense..." The alcohol had made me forget manners completely although our relationship was so odd there were no clear lines of right and wrong anymore.
"I am not that rich to take an expensive cruise vacation
without working. It's just enough for me to live a normal city
life, away from all these things", I showed the restaurant
around me. The silver-colored chandeliers on the table, smartly
dressed fat and old people, shelves of wine bottles, crystal
glass chandeliers at the ceiling... "I like being close to
these. It reminds me of the good times in my childhood." I was
buried into a sad silence, taking a long sip from my wine.
I began speaking after some silence. "Being a cruise bartender isn't so bad. It may sound funny, but I do enjoy working. And it gives me a chance to be close to pretty girls like you. Do you notice the girls at the 10 o'clock direction of you? They have been looking at me. They chatted with me yesterday. But I want you. It's wrong, but I do want you..."
"They chatted with me yesterday. But I want you. It's wrong,
but I do want you..." I laughed in your face. "I wish you would
talk to them. Go ahead." I leaned in and became very serious.
"What do you not understand? You can't make me want you...
There's not enough fancy dinners, drinks, or compliments that
will ever make me want you." I took the napkin from my lap and
threw it on the table.
I got up on shaky legs, but managed to get out of the restaurant. I knew you wouldn't come after me. I had said so many horrible things about you and yet you did nothing. I blatantly disobeyed you and you did nothing.
I took the elevators back to my room and slammed the door. "That was easier than I thought..." I whispered to myself in the darkness of the room. I didn't bother to turn the light on, I was so drunk that I just fumbled around until I felt a bed and climbed under the covers.
I watched her walking away from the table. I didn't follow her,
I just kept sitting at the table. I looked calm from outside,
but Beast had begun to slowly take over me again. After ten
minutes of motionless, I stood up and walked away from the
restaurant. I was walking to the passenger's cabin for an
I walked pass my bar, took a look at the customers. Lisa was among a crowd of jackals, once again. She didn't notice me as she was bursting out loudly, probably to an unfunny joke.
I reached the girls' room, unlocked the door with my card. It was pitch black, I turned on the light to see if July was inside. I was right. She was waiting to be violated by me once again! I shutted the door silently and approached her.