Part 7 Resentment (Who do I hate? Me or you?)
I knew this conversation between Malik and me could go either way. He was very head strong and stubborn and I was opinionated, stubborn, and worst of all hurt. With that said, I think you all get the picture. I climbed the stairs to my apartment and as I was walking something came over me. I felt sorry for Malik. He was the one who had lied, cheated, and betrayed me; yet I pitied him. Was this real? I had to wonder if I had officially lost my marables. Cradling the phone between my ear and shoulder I clumsily unlocked the door thanks to all the crap I carried with me from work everyday. Since I got off early, there was more than usual but hey a girl's gotta make a living right? Several times throughout this conversation with Malik and myself I'd zoned out. I guess I was at it again because when I snapped out of my trance, I heard him calling my name and I felt awkward and dirty. "Did you hear me?" Malik asked sounding a bit flustered.
"No, sorry." I responded "What did you say?" I asked uncertainty gliding around me like a figure skater who just landed a perfect triple lutz. Mainly because I wasn't sure if I wanted him to repeat himself. However, I knew I had to deal with this demon even if Malik was the creator, move over Wes Craven. Clearing his throat he said, "I asked you if I could come by the house?" "I would much rather do this in person." Just then, rage replaced my empathy; I threw my things on the love seat absentmindedly switching my phone from my left ear to the right. "Come by?" I repeated incredulously "For what, I don't want to see you!" I heard Malik inhale because he wanted to speak but he knew me well enough not to cut me off when I was in this state. "Let me ask you something how long have you been a dick eater?" I couldn't believe I'd used that terminology but quite frankly I didn't care!
I felt Malik's uncomfortable vibes from the other end of the phone. He sucked his teeth agitatedly and replied "It wasn't like that I battled with this for awhile." "Me and Derrick just kinda happened." "Bullshit, I shouted that shit doesn't just fuckin happen!" inhaling deeply I collected myself and asked "So, it never dawned on you to come to me about your feelings?" Not wanting to prolong the conversation any further he simply replied "How could I?" "I knew you'd act this way!" I was silent for a moment because I couldn't believe Malik found a way to flip this around on me. So instead of shouting, cussing and fussing like I had been this entire conversation I simply said, "You know what Malik, I think you're right" This conversation would be much better in person."I can't do this with you right now, this is way too much to digest too soon."So, When I'm ready I will contact you to talk about this face to face."
"Have a nice life and in the mean time DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT CONTACT ME UNTIL I CALL OR TEXT YOU!" I hung up the phone. Now more than ever I needed a fix or a drink. Honestly though I prefered the fix. It was two thirty JT didn't get off of work until five, and by then I'd be preparing to go out with the girls. Maybe I'd fake a headache once we were at the bar so I could leave early to meet up with him. My emotions were raw and my body was screaming. So, I needed this; besides, I hadn't masturbated since I was fifteen but right about now I could use a hot shower and an even hotter orgasm. Leaving my crap in the living room I stripped off each layer of clothing and made my way to my bed room.
Although, I didn't masturbate I can admit I'm experimental in the bedroom I like to buy fun gizmos and gadgets from time to time. Reaching into my mini treasure chest hidden in the bottom of my closet I pulled out my five speed blue massager I decided this called for over time so I grabbed the clit stimulator too and made my way to the shower. Five minutes alone with me and I'd be good as new at least until I saw JT later this evening. Making my way to the bathroom I turned the water on testing it to make sure it was the right temperature. I adjusted the shower head just in case the vibrator and the stimulator didn't get the job done.
Since I was already naked I stepped into the shower and let the water wash away everything I'd encountered earlier in the day. The water clutched my body and I closed my eyes allowing every emotion that was in me to release from my mind I placed the vibrator and stimulator in the rack on the side of the tub. Before doing anything I allowed my mind to wander back to the last tiime JT and I were together. I bit my lip and slid my middle and index fingers deep inside of my moist feminine hiding place I moaned outwardly thrusting my fingers deeper as I felt myself climbing higher and higher I needed this orgasm is was the liberation I'd been missing; this stress had started to take its toll on me. The more I pushed deeper inside I felt the tension from my neck and shoulders easing.
I didn't think it was fair my fingers got to have all the fun so I clumsily searched for the vibrator turning it on being careful not to do too much so that I wouldn't fall I simply placed the tip of it on my clitoris and called out in sheer pleasure as my orgasm tore through my body. So much for needing the stimulator. I collected myself letting my erratic breathing return to normal; grabbing my loofah sponge and lavender scented body wash lathering my recently pleased body with soap I washed thoroughly and let the water rinse me back to the here and now.