Hi Everyone, December 6,2013
I have dropped out of site for a while to find myself. I have changed so much in the past few months that I do not even recognize my reflection in the mirror. My attitude is now positive and reflects in the type of people I am making for new friends. My husband and I have come full circle from bad times to good times to right smack dab to nightmarish once more. And guess what folks? I admit for the first time ever that it is all my responsibility!
One of my biggest changes is I have dropped 63 lbs. since February 15, 2013. I learned that the food I chowed down on daily had become my new best friend. AWW… Mr. Pasta, McDonald's, and all of their cake and candy friends were my worst enemies. Once I kicked them to the curb I added walking and Zumba to my daily routine the pounds just melted away. I am now down to 120 lbs at 5 "1/2" and plan on shedding more. I knew I was changing when I could zip up boots that were not the extended wide version and my clothes started having single digit numbers.
To replace the candy I dropped wearing black clothes completely and replaced them with bright vibrant colors and lots of jewelry. (Probably a little too much on the accessory side) I decided it was my 13 year old girl inside me coming out to play. If you are reading this for the first time….I had a huge experience at age 13 that changed my personality forever. My grandparents had raised me from birth to age 13. Then one day they packed me up and dropped me off at my mom's house with 5 siblings that were older than I was and barely new anything about me. I was shocked and out of my element of a wholesome home in a little town where everyone knew me.
In my past posts I had several pity parties to re-hash this day. However, I have made peace with my grandparents and parents who have been deceased for years. This was another huge peace of the puzzle that allowed me to grow indeed. I allowed a sense of pride to consume my every step. I learned that it was easier to appeal to everyone else than to be my own person. It seemed that people liked me to play the victim, act stupid, and never achieve my God intended purpose on this earth. That was taking the easy way out.
I could just get poor grades, be obese, be financially broke, and allow all people to feel sorry for me. Yes, I was a coward. I also, built up mass resentments towards all the people who enabled me to become a miserable person I found myself to be. Yes, I blamed everyone from my childhood teachers to grandparents. Everyone was at fault but me. Then I learned that I needed to make amends to people so in order to begin fresh. So, I began apologizing to many people who I hurt.
My first step was my b a boss who hated me openly for 3 of the 6 years I worked for her. She finally told me in front of the head of Human Recourses that I either resign or get fired. Co-workers and friends urged me to get fired and go on unemployment. After all this woman had a reputation for
signaling out people she hated and turning the entire building against them. Of course I bought into that theory. Why not? Then it made it her fault and not mine. In the end I quit. That was April 2012 which began the roller coaster of emotions that tortured me for many years to surface. Almost a year later in Spring 2013 I entered the building and people;;e were stunned to see me. You could have heard a pin drop as I choked out my apology to her. Silently she stood their holding her card and plant I brought to break the ice. When I finished her jaw had literally dropped and she wrapped one arm around my shoulder and said nothing as she bee lined it into her office closing the door behind her.
So, this began my journey back into the land of the living. I now have a job that is interesting to say the least. I have made new friends and hubby and I are trying to find our path back into a happily married couple. Yes, for those who have read me in the past and are wondering what happened to my Mystery Man I will admit I could not have done anything without his continuous support.
In closing this is just the tip of my past few months. I just
saw myself changing so much and thought someone somewhere may
like to know how story progressed. I never had many comments
before but people did read me. Well, I hope all of you are doing
Chow for now, Emma