Good Monday Morning Ladies, 3/4/13
Have you ever heard of proof reading? (S.D.)
Underneath my hard exterior that mostly surfaces in the privacy of my own home, I am an extremely oversensitive person. I aim to be a people pleaser and become very upset when I do or say something to offend anyone. It has been brought to my attention by Mystery Man and my daughter (18) that not everyone will like me or find good things to say about me. Perhaps this is why I chose such a passive hubby that has allowed men to take out my frustrations of failure on him. In a way I behave like a wounded bird when things do not go my way. However, I am desperately searching for the adult woman inside me that is capable of forgiving and forgetting about people who do not care for me.
The above explanation is an attempt to show how sincere I am in my posts. It takes me a lot of mental contemplation, before I am able to write about my negative and positive actions. Therefore, I rarely proof read what I have written. For starters I have never met a comma or am I sure where they are to go. Seriously though my writings are an in-depth look at my soul, which is truly scary to display in print. This column is a cathartic way for me to share my flaws in an open however, anonymous way. I find it troubling to have to reread my stories. When I do proof read them I tend to have hard or almost hateful feelings towards myself. I have self-ridiculed my actions, body, and mind for years.
In order to move into a peaceful direction which allows me to heal emotionally, I must first come to terms that I have let down the people I love the most. Perhaps my journey will strike a chord with someone else who has struggled with worry, loathing, and sadness that occurs when you realize many people were never your true friend. I have begun the healing process and I am working hard to rid my mind of any negative thoughts that spring forth in my head. I am actively trying to rid phrases that tell me: “You are a bad wife.” “Your kids deserve a better mom.” “You are the……” These are just the tip of the iceberg of constant negativity that I have allowed to take over me.
Thanks to the support of hubby, kids, Joel Osteen, and Mystery Man I am learning to replace these soul sucking thoughts with powerful healthy words. Now I consciously listen to myself think. When I hear anything with bad, not, horrible, witch, ignorant and so on, I instantly restate the statement to sound positive, productive, with the purpose on strengthening my family. My thought process is encouraging me to grow by saying: “You are a beautiful wife, who loves your hubby with all her heart.” “Your kids are blessed to have a mother that does care for them.” “You strive to do your best job…….” The conscious changing of dialogue has helped inspire me to become a better, confident, and happier individual.
I am also, striving to help hubby and kids change their destructive ways. Last night hubby was starting to get aggravated for clearly no reason. He was calm one moment and screaming the next. Rather than playing into this foul scene that I have nurtured for years I redirected him to relax. I had to quickly access the situation and realized that it was late Sunday night and most likely he was not looking forward to going to work on Monday morning. By remaining civilized the three of us were able to watch a TV show and go to bed early. In order to succeed with this drastic change I will bring my family full circle into a wholesome unity. This is definitely a learning process with many goals in my mind. I am hoping to lose weight, grow emotionally, become financially secure, and most importantly be the best wife ever. Of course in order to do this I must proof read my past to toss out bad behaviors. Once I am able to accomplish personal goals maybe then I will learn to proof read my writings. LOL
With full sincerity, Emma
P.S. To anyone who has been following my column daily please note that I do have some uplifting stories to share.
Erotic Homework Corner- Write yourself a sexy letter sharing all your inner bedroom desires. Go into your deepest erotic side to explore fantasies you never told hubby. After your house is clean, dinner is ready take another relaxing soak in the tub. After you emerge read your letter to yourself as you see your nude reflection in the mirror. If you are confident confide one juicy detail that you would like to try with your hubby tonight. That will give him an extra surprise when you straddle his legs and whisper what you want him to do to you!
Side note on the above- I have been whispering all kinds of desires into hubby’s ear. His response is genuine laughter. He has commented several times that he feels like he is in the Twilight Zone and is waiting for me to change back into my old ways. Also, speaking to yourself out loud while nude is intended for you to see the beauty your hubby see’s in you. I have learned it is easier to change when I am committed to viewing my whole self with serious flaws and all!
Homework Corner if you think I am crazy- Text your hubby and tell him you really miss him and appreciate all the hard work he does for you and your family. When he arrives home give him a hand written love letter sealed with either a lipstick kiss or a spritz of perfume.
Fun.: Some Nights [OFFICIAL VIDEO] (warm up)
Ke$ha Tic Toc
will.i.am featuring Britney Spears – Scream and Shout
Rock The Boat 1974 Hues Corporation
Get A Haircut - George Thorogood
Bob Seger - Old Time Rock and Roll
Grease - Summer NIghts - with lyrics