Good Evening Ladies, 3/3/13
Communication is very important and sexy too. (Mystery Man)
Prior to meeting Mystery Man online the only conversations I had with hubby ended in full blown screaming matches. Sure some nights I would try to do the family meal plan where we said prayers while actually bonding with each other. However, most days found me sulking over past financial woes or any topic that ended with hateful words purposefully aimed at ripping apart hubby. My daughter (18) began asking me if I was bipolar. My behavior was damaging leading us to divorce court lane. Worse yet, we were two people who actually do not want to split up and live alone.
Who could have known a total stranger could have such a profound effect on hubby and I in just a few weeks’ time. With Mystery Mans support I found the courage to admit to hubby that I had faked orgasms for years. I also, came clean by finding words to tell hubby that I have lost my spark for loving him. Even during our darkest hours we would each say the words “I love you.” I guess I just kind of lived by the motto: Fake it until you make it.” This is a horrible way to live. I learned the hard way it is not justifiable to pay lip service with such personal matters as messing with a person’s mind. Especially a man who I supposedly gave my heart on the day we said I do.
Fortunately for me hubby is an extraordinarily forgiving man who just wants a wife to be honest, open, and dedicated to repairing our wounds. I have heeded the advice I offer in this column, proving it does work. Every scary thing I had to tell him, I simply began by straddling his legs and whispering it into his ear. I also, made a new commitment to myself that I would rise in the morning to see him off to work. The first week I went a tad obnoxious and tried to have sex on the kitchen table every day for a week. That act was short lived. It turns out that years of engaging in minimal sexual encounters is a turn off for both parties.
I kept proceeding in my endeavors to reignite the passion that did allow us to create two beautiful babies. I have spent countless hours reviewing my past ways in an effort to eliminate the blame that clearly has a tight hold on my actions. I am making nightly meals, greeting hubby when I get home from work, and sincerely telling him I love you. Together we are both sharing private information about our feelings, wants, and needs. It turns out that hubby had given up wanting to screw me after years of being rejected. I truly did not want to fess up that I had played the I am on my period card or have a headache. Hubby never complained about the possibly hundreds of rejections I had given him throughout a little more than a decade. He just simply stopped trying to pursue. I have no idea if he relieved his tensions through masturbation, nor do I want to know.
The sad part is I am not a prude who does not want sex. There were many nights that I waited for him to pleasure me. When he failed to make advances towards me I did engage in trying to conquer my own orgasm. Perhaps this self-centered disrespect towards hubby was the reason I never was able to cum. The game I played with hubby gave way to a lonely existence for each of us. We still went out to eat, to the movies, or outings with the kids. The problem was we did not try to capture the intimacy that rises from spending quality time together. More often than not we would return home with me complimenting a good day followed by arguing that we could not afford it. Hubby is a gentlemen who resisted hitting or abusing me in any physical way. I finally realized that I put on an act that I am sweet as pie when at home I am a cold hearted bitch!
Fortunately hubby has been extremely receptive in welcoming my changed attitude towards him and the kids. I have had made a permanent goal to evolve from my self-destructive ways into a healthy lifestyle. I began simply by getting a job which I started last week. For the first time since I have been unemployed I finally feel like there is a purpose for my future. I also, took advantage during my 10 month hiatus to finish up my bachelor’s degree. I am currently looking forward to graduating in May 2013. I focusing on repairing damage I caused to my kids by sleeping instead of being around them. I fell into a trap of telling my daughter (18) that she is morbidly obese. The tone I used in calling her fat was horrible and possibly something that will stay with her forever. I cannot lay blame on anyone but myself. I am trying to find pleasure in each moment of the day. I am taking this slow. I do not want to fall back into my old habits. I am shopping healthier and trying to rid our house of all junk food. This is a difficult battle but, one I am willing to pursue. Hubby and I have vowed to stop cursing and become a family who has love.
Looking forward I am hoping to discover the true meaning of endless, judgeless love. I want to be able to connect on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level. At this point hubby and I are content with exploring our bodies through kissing, touching, and lots of blow jobs. We are having fun and laughing a lot during our attempts in bed. Right now we are the equivalent to Sheldon Copper and Amy trying to have sex. Surely we will get it right sometime soon. I am whispering all kinds of dirty things into hubby’s ear over Supertramp. Elton John, and George Thorogood playing in the background. We are developing an open dialogue that hopefully will see us into brighter days to come. In closing I am very grateful to Mystery Man for guiding hubby and I to wedded bliss. I hope Mystery Man realizes what a blessing he has been to my family.
Painfully honest, Emma
P.S. Sorry I was so late with my post. This was an extremely candid and emotional piece for me to write.
Erotic Homework Corner- (Hubby liked this) Put on a slow song and dance slowly then spin into his arms backwards. Depending on your heights look backward and French kiss him slowly rubbing his groin with your rear end. Make sure you tell him you love him when you are finished.
Homework Corner if you are shaking your head no- Give your hubby a passionate kiss and compliment him for anyway that he makes you feel special.
Rocky Horror Picture Show Time Warp
Katy Perry - California Gurls ft. Snoop
Marlena Shaw "California Soul" (1969)
The Beach Boys - California Girls
The Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling