If you are reading Emma’s post for the first time please see 3/27/13 to help fill in the blanks. I met Mystery Man online and the advisor I met on a plane ride 2 days ago. Both men say I know nothing about men! Mystery Man Is holding out on me and I do not like it one little bit!
Dear Ladies, 3/28/13
They say honesty is always the best policy. However, when it comes to speaking with men I do not know, I must say I should have doubted this idea. Tonight I am having serious doubts about being extremely forthright with my feelings towards hubby and Mystery Man. My emotions are always visible in my facial expressions. At work a couple of people have noticed how distant I have become. My mind is constantly running through miscommunications between all of the above mentioned men currently.
I feel as though hubby and I have lead very different lives for many years now. Hubby is inept when it comes to finances and has nearly run us into the poor house. When we met he was physically fit and was quite handsome to me. He liked to speak with me often even late at night on the phone while he was working. Hubby and I both enjoy traveling, being with our kids, and are believers in God. When I met him hubby liked Country Music while I preferred Rock N Roll. He had never dated anyone until our first date on Friday February 13th the day before Valentine’s Day. He treated me well and took me to the movies, concerts, and out to eat often.
After we were married we each seemed to want different things. I wanted to buy a home and hubby wanted to go on a luxury honeymoon which, included a European Cruise. Needless to say he got his way since it was his $20,000 he used for the vacation. After we returned we moved into a dilapidated fixer-upper that sucked any remaining funds dry. On Tuesday we visited hubby’s mom who lives nearby our old house. It was so sad to see the windows boarded and our hard work hiding secrets of fun times, tears, new babies, and the rest of our memories. I fear that house may represent hubby and my future. Really, with all of the love, attention, time, and money put into a home should it have been condemned? I do not think so, but the yellow notice on the door suggests our energy was worth nothing.
Tonight I spoke in more serious depth with my best girlfriend (30 plus years). She was in my wedding and knows me like a book. Last night she suggested that I make a list representing reasons to stick the marriage out verses reasons to leave. The leaving side was quick to write: Hubby speaks to me like a child in a silly voice, hubby talks to my daughter more like his wife discussing his future plans and finances, (which he hates when I bring up), he spends money carelessly leaving little left for bills, and our sex life is worse now since, he has not ejaculated in close to one month. Trust me I have sucked his penis almost every day with minimal response from it. Even with Cialis hubby has failed to orgasm.
Writing the positive side took me a while longer and prompting from my girlfriend. Yes, she was right he did give me two beautiful kids and he is a good dad. Hubby has always said: I love you to me even during our down times. We have had a lot of good trips with the kids. We have both supported each other when family members have passed away. Hubby has never raised a hand to strike me, despite how much screaming we have had in the past. Hubby has been with me longer than any man I have ever been with. Truth be told the longer I write this to you, I am finding more great things to add to hubby’s list. I truly must want this to work out our differences.
Even though Mystery Man has ceased communication with me, I must give him grand praise for getting me back to having feelings towards hubby. Mystery Man was the one who got me to put the fork down, get exercising, and start making huge sexual advances to hubby. Thanks to Mystery Man I have dropped a whopping 10 lbs. in the past 6 weeks. I really am not trying to starve myself but, it just seemed that the happier I become then my appetite just depleted. I have cut down on the quantity of food and eat smaller meals throughout the day. Mystery Man has walked me through the weight loss and does not expect or want me to be at my goal weight of 110 lbs. until 2015. I was 180 lbs. when Mystery Man I began chatting.
Mystery Man is also, my inspiration for writing to you. When I received a nasty remark on a previous post Mystery Man told me not to worry about critics but, just write for the girls. Since then I have not had any comments on previous posts and my readership has varied. I would like to know if I have any regular readers. I guess my purpose is to try to enlighten any women out there that your life is worth living. I spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself with myself loathing pity party. There is no way for me to recapture lost time, mean words, or loss of fun. All I can do is pick up and start from today in looking towards a brighter future.
Now that I have written this letter to you I am able to see that my beginning paragraph is all wrong. I know that I must continue to fight to save my marriage of 24 years this June. It also, helps that hubby just came downstairs to tell me that he will order Cialis. I am stunned! Then he French kissed me and said that I must rest up tonight since he is “Hungry for my pussy!” WOW, he has never spoken to me like that before. I have changed my bedroom language (only) to pretty raunchy at the advice of Mystery Man. I think it is working to my benefit. Hubby has also, committed us to moving to another state far away from my family and this leg locked/land locked state. I am very hesitant to make such a lavish move but, hubby says I do not have a choice. I too, want to move but, I suggested other states and was vetoed. My name is not on the house or bills.
I find that I am sharing a lot of private information with you. This was what got me into hot water with Mystery Man. Although I must restate that it was my idea that we do not talk for two weeks. Now I am concerned that I gave him too much time and he will see I am the one who needs him more than he needs me. (yes, I know he knew that from the beginning!) Also, hubby (I told him about Mystery Man from the start) said in a snotty tone a few times over three weeks ago: “You mean nothing to that man!” Obviously Mystery Man has made an impact on hubby too! My next dilemma is if hubby and I actually succeed in new realms, than who should I share this with? My new man from the plane My Advisor, asked for a full report. Of course I feel obligated to share with all of you ladies and then there is Mystery Man. Honestly Mystery Man is my first inclination since without him I would still be stuffing my mouth with food and not a penis!
Heartfelt Sincerity, Emma