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“I confess further...I did not have a lover..a lover of my age..a girl which was missing from my life..be it a sister or a girlfriend..A creative girl of my type is all I wanted,. She would love me a lot. She would never leave me even in times of distress. She would be there always for me. She would be there to hug me when I cry and kiss me when I sleep. She would help me in my studies. And teach me the most unimaginable things in the world. She would take me with her all the time, even when she would go round the world. This girl would be like a sister and a girlfriend. She would not marry. Do you know why??? If she marries she would go away right?? She wouldn’t marry. If she marries she would marry me. She would be with me all the time like a teddy bear to hug when I sleep.”


Submitted:Aug 22, 2011    Reads: 116    Comments: 5    Likes: 1   


Restricted content!!!

It was eleven'o'clock. I got up from bed rubbing my sleepy eyes and I slowly tried to open them. I realized after a moment, that my phone was ringing and that was what had woken me up. I went near the other side of the bed and picked up the phone and tried to start speaking in a soft voice.

"Hello, Rashmi here"

"Hi ma'am..I am Srinidhi"

"Yes what can I do for you?"

"I saw your name in the list of female counselors on the suicide help website in the Internet"

"Yeah...I can help you. You have any suicidal thoughts?"

There was a long pause and the person on the other side spoke again.

"Yes. And these thoughts are killing me!! Are you free to talk now??"

"I don't discuss such matters on the phone. You could fix an appointment with me tom"

"But ma'am", the voice became shaky, "I think I am not going to survive that long"

"Oh your problem seems to be serious then.."

"Yes! I could come to your office now. I know the address"

"But-But-It's already eleven", I told him.

"Please ma'am. You are my last hope and I must meet you now. I am on the verge of committing this deadly act called suicide"

"You seem to be relentless. Ok-I will be at the office by 12.00.."

"Yes and after the counseling session, I will pay you all the money in the world if you help me" the person spoke in a requesting tone.

"Ok..I will be there" I said and kept the phone..

I parked my car in the garage of my office and walked the stairs. I came to the door and opened the lock and went in. I saw the big clock hanging in the grey wall. I t was 11.55. I went to my chamber and sat on the computer chair and waited. A fair teen boy came in. He was in a hurry. He didn't even ask me the permission to enter my chamber and sit on the chair. He came in and sat and started to speak..

"Yes Ma'am sorry to disturb you at this odd hour. I am Srinidhi", he spoke and gave me a quick shake hand. "Yes tell me what's bothering you", I asked boldly.

"Life is not worth living ma'am. It really isn't"

"Please start from the beginning. Tell me about yourself first and then you can discuss about what led to all these dangerous thoughts in your head"

"I was born an only son, Ma'am. I was born in a middle-class family. I was given all the comforts from my loving parents. I was happy for many years.."

"Go on.."

"I had everything I desired for. Be it an Ipad or an LED TV or a computer or tasty food or a cozy bed. I had everything. But deep in my heart I knew that I still lacked something. It was something that could not be expressed in words.."

"Ok.."

"I confess further...I did not have a lover..a lover of my age..a girl which was missing from my life..be it a sister or a girlfriend..A creative girl of my type is all I wanted,. She would love me a lot. She would never leave me even in times of distress. She would be there always for me. She would be there to hug me when I cry and kiss me when I sleep. She would help me in my studies. And teach me the most unimaginable things in the world. She would take me with her all the time, even when she would go round the world. This girl would be like a sister and a girlfriend. She would not marry. Do you know why??? If she marries she would go away right?? She wouldn't marry. If she marries she would marry me. She would be with me all the time like a teddy bear to hug when I sleep."

I coughed and asked Srinidhi to go on with his story..

" This girl would not be like a wife too. Cuz if she's a wife I could only use her for sex and there would be no sisterly affection. I wanted and I want someone like that imaginary girl to be affectionate as a sister too. But I still want to have sex with her."

"I am not getting you", I interrupted. "You are meaning to say you want someone who could care for you of your age. But at the same time she must be affectionate as a sister and act like a lover and a wife too.."

"That's exactly what I mean"

"You are living in a dream world young man", I spoke, " God has not created a relationship like what you think of. A sister is a sister. A lover is a lover. A wife is a wife. All have different qualities of their own. "

"That's why, ma'am. I will die. I will go to a different world where an imaginary girl like that would care for me.", Srinidhi looking down at the floor."
"What are you talking? You have such good parents who buy you everything that you want. You are handsome. You are creative and intelligent. You express all things well. Why do you want to die?", I continued,"Tommorrow you might get a wife to have sex with and who would love you the way you described. Don't you want to love her? Don't you want to have sex with her?"

Srinidhi laughed and spoke again.

"Yes I would love that. But that isn't exactly what I am looking for. All people do the same thing. They fall in love and marry and have kids. That's like a homework assignment which is copied from the boy, who writes at the next classroom table. What I am looking for is heavenly.."

"Don't you have any close relationships with your relatives who are girls", I asked Srinidhi.

"Yes they are sexy. But they don't love me like a good brother. They live in the US..they come to India after 3 years of long wait. There are more relatives of mine but they are not good looking nor sexy..And who cares for me? Who the fuck cares for me, anyway??I am like the guy next door..Am like a neighbour!!"

"So what would be your solution to this problem?" I asked.

"Death!! What else??"

"How can death solve the problem??"

"Yes dreamers and creative people are not recognized in this horrid world. They are seen as fools. I have decided to go to the other side. I have decided to go to paradise where I meet my angel"

"What angel??"

"Yes there would be my angel there. My true lover. She would be waiting for me, clad in a white frock with a magic wand. She would descend in a chariot and take me to the boundless infinity from the sky.."

"Bullshit!!!", I remarked. "You are watching too many movies and reading stupid fantasy novels. Try to act like a mature person of your age.", I scolded him.

"I came to seek guidance from you. Now I know that you cannot help me as you can't understand me. Is that all you are gonna say to me..Should I die hearing angry remarks???"

"Please calm down Srinidhi." I told him " Please sit down and be calm. It's normal for a single child to experience these thoughts. I know that you want a sister like person. I see that now are 21. You can marry soon and have a wife who would love you like the way you think. Think about that!!"

Srinidhi started to cry.."Why was I born in a place where there is no sister love? I will die and my death would take me to paradise where I would get millions of sisters to care for me. Sob-They would never leave me..They would love me..They will have sex with me..We all will talk about the sun, the moon, the stars and how beautiful they look. We will sail in the rainbow in a colourful boat. The sky will be blue and we will all sing in joy. I will sleep in my sister's lap. I will sleep forever in bliss---"

At that moment, Srinidhi took out a knife from his pocket and before I could stop him, he cut his throat and fell to the floor crying in pain. I screamed..

I came out from the hospital after meeting with Srinidhi's parents. The doctors could not save him. I came walking out thinking sadly why I had talked negatively when he had told me his story. I had also just seen his relatives-his cousins and his parents and had seen some of them wail. I wanted to take these thoughts out of my mind and carry on my work.

Now It had started to rain. I looked at the sky. Suddenly I saw a shape of a boat in the sky at the top of the hospital. There was also a rainbow hiding behind it. I saw a woman clad in a white dress lifting someone. From far I can see a teen boy like figure climbing the boat in the sky..I closed my eyes and opened them again.

The boat had disappeared and so was the woman. I turned back and walked again. Srinidhi had found the land of loving sisters, I thought. He had someone to love him..





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